MGF Presents The Saturday Swindle Sheet #136

Welcome back to The Saturday Swindle Sheet.

As you might have noticed, MGF is missing some posts that you may have seen earlier in the week. Turns out Widro’s database of the entire site shat itself earlier in the week, and deleted everything. The backup that he used to refresh everything dated back to sometime last Saturday, before I posted The Saturday Swindle Sheet #135. Incidentally, I did something earlier in the week (pre-database deletion) that I’ve only done probably about twice in over three years—I absent-mindedly deleted the Word file for the last edition. Great how that worked out, isn’t it? Hopefully you already read it sometime last weekend or early in the week, because it’s GONE FOREVER.

Just remember, folks, these things tend to happen in threes…

OPENING SHOT…

In case you were wondering what’s become of Q-Tip (inset), I recently stumbled upon this “Wanda Sykes” CD while battling the masses at the area Best Buy, and it all became so clear. When was the last time you saw the two in the same place, at the same time…?

BLURBS OF THE WEEK

Professional stuntman Robert “Evel” Knievel has filed a lawsuit last Friday, in Tampa, against Kanye West, saying that the video for “Touch the Sky” (the same one that West bitched about not winning an MTV Europe Award last month) infringes on his likeness and trademark. “Mr. Knievel has a trademark on Evel Knievel and an extraordinarily well-recognized white jumpsuit. Kanye West and Roc-A-Fella records are undoubtedly familiar with intellectual property rights. Mr. Knievel is not too happy with it. He wants to be compensated for [the video].” While reps for West insist that the video—which cost a million dollars and features Pamela Anderson, in case you forgot—is an homage to Knievel’s Snake River Canyon jump in 1974 (also unsuccessful), and features West as ’70s stuntman “Kanyievel”, Knievel’s not buying it. “The guy just disgraced me,” the 68-year-old, now-retired stuntman told the St. Petersburg Times. “I have done the best I can to set an example for children, and then this guy comes along and tries to rip it apart … [with its] vulgar, sexual, and racially charged content.” If Kanye ends up having to cough up another few-to-several million dollars for this video (as the lawsuit is reportedly demanding, along with an immediate cessation on the broadcast of the video), it would be the most expensive video EVER without having won an MTV Europe Award. Maybe not, but it’s funnier that way.

After the Foo Fighters stole the show at this year’s incarnation of KROQ-FM’s Almost Acoustic Christmas festival, Pete Wentz, whose crappy band Fall Out Boy also performed, told reporters, “We feel like losers.” Damn it, Pete Wentz, you make it way too easy. Where the f*ck is Brian McKnight when we need him, to kick you in the balls?

The Rocawear company has been added as a defendant to a suit filed by wrestler Diamond Dallas Page, last December against Jay-Z. The suit claims that Jay-Z and his Rocawear company have misappropriated the “Diamond Cutter” hand symbol (seen here used by Jay-Z, and here by Page), and Page wants monetary compensation, as well as an injunction preventing the defendants from using the sign in any further public arenas. When asked if the lawsuit was much of a concern to him, Jay-Z told reporters for The Saturday Swindle Sheet, in an EXCLUSIVE interview, “No, not really,” and then proceeded to give himself a self-high-five.

THE MOST RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE WEEK

Two concert-goers who were at the Damageplan concert in Columbus, Ohio, in December of 2004, when guitarist “Dimebag” Darrell Abbott was killed, are filing charges against the Alrosa Villa nightclub, citing “inadequate security” and pain and suffering. In their lawsuit, Jerry and Karen Wessler state that they are still experiencing severe mental anguish after witnessing the murder of Abbott and three other people when deranged fan Nathan Gale rushed the stage and opened fire at the venue. According to the Wesslers’ lawsuit, the incident was “reasonably foreseeable, given the totality of circumstances.” While Abbott’s brother, Vincent “Vinnie Paul” Abbott is also suing the venue, along with the band’s manager and drum technician, they personally knew Darrell, and would obviously have a lot more grounds for “severe mental anguish”. And as far as a monetary settlement, that’s certainly more justifiable as well, not only due to anguish, but also because they’d be losing money by not touring. Funny how every other audience member that was in the venue that night has managed to get on with their lives two years later, while these two basket cases continue to dwell upon it… with dollar signs in their eyes. They don’t deserve a single cent, unless it’s to go towards getting their heads checked for blood clots.