The SmarK 24/7 Rant for ECW TV – August 20 1995
So WWE’s ECW sucks, you say? I have a cure — the real ECW, on WWE 24/7! Have I mentioned that I love this channel?
– The show is introduced by Joey Styles & Tazz, who are really laid-back and funny, making fun of
“insider terms” and riffing on each other.
– As for the actual show, it’s the usual interview-o-rama to start, beginning with Cactus Jack turning on Tommy Dreamer because Raven feels his pain. This was the start of some awesome promos from Mick.
– ECW champ Sandman and Woman let Mikey Whipwreck know that he’s messing with people he ought not to be messing with. Well, Mikey would get the last laugh there.
– Francine and Beulah go all Jerry Springer on each other, much to the delight of Stevie Richards. Beulah clarifies for us that she’s hot. OK.
– Eddie Guerrero hypes the upcoming 2/3 falls match against Dean Malenko.
– 2 Cold Scorpio may have broken Taz’ neck, and he’s OK with that.
– And FINALLY, the opening 15 minutes in, although NIN and White Zombie have been changed to a super-generic rock song, since Paul Heyman spent 5 years ripping off the original artists and all. If it helps you sleep at night, his cheque to ASCAP would have bounced anyway.
– Meanwhile, Public Enemy sends Mikey into a dark alley to learn the fine art of stealing wallets, while they cut a promo on the Gangstas. Mikey ends up getting mugged, so Public Enemy bails him out and steals the wallet back while Mikey cuts his own dazed promo. Unlike Cryme Tyme, this was actually quite witty.
– 2 Cold Scorpio, Dean Malenko & Cactus Jack v. The Steiner Brothers & Eddie Guerrero. There’s all sorts of substitutions going on here. Jack is a gift from Raven, you see, because Raven “feels the pain that Scorpio’s people have endured.” And after being lobbed a hanging curve like that one, Jack decides to hit it out of the park by adding that he’s here because he heard that the Steiners are the most over team in wrestling — overrated and overpaid. Oh, SNAP. That’s like an Al Snow-worthy burn. Oh, and Eddie isn’t a wrestler, he’s an acrobatic midget. However, despite being given the gift of awesome that is Cactus Jack, the arena still pops like a bunch of marks for the Steiners.
Scott starts with Dean and they do some mat wrestling, with no advantage apparent. Steinerline and press-slam puts Dean on the floor, as a pop-up with wrestling birthdays informs us that Hawk and Animal were apparently both born on 1/26. Huh. They head out, as Dean gets a baseball slide, and back in Dean dropkicks Scott into the corner. Scott recovers with a belly-to-belly, so Dean brings Scorpio in. Eddie tries his luck and gets pounded down, but gets some neat armdrags to put Scorpio on the floor, and follows with a dive. Back in, brainbuster and Rick comes in. He casually powers Scorpio down while a pop-up lets us know that the Steiners won 15 tag titles in their career. Criss-cross and Scorp takes him down with a headscissors, but messes it up and gets chanted at by the crowd. He comes back with a superkick, but misses a high cross and Rick bulldogs him for two. German suplex follows and Jack comes in.
They brawl to the floor and Rick hits the railing, but comes back with the kind of sick belly-to-belly on the concrete that only Jack would be crazy enough to take. Back in, Steiner powerslams Scorpio for good measure before bringing Eddie back in. Eddie slugs away on Cactus and tries a victory roll, but Jack turns it into an electric chair. Dean comes in and Eddie quickly goes up, but misses the frog splash, and Dean gets two. Butterfly powerbomb gets one. Eddie gets another victory roll, for two. Jack comes in and drops a leg for two. Backdrop gets two. The heels triple-team Eddie and Cactus drops the elbow to the floor, and we take an ad break.
Back with Scorpio dropping Da Bomb on Eddie for two. Powerbomb gets two. Flying splash hits knee, but Scorpio cuts off a tag. I like that they’re sticking with what works here, keeping it old school. Eddie gets a rana, and it’s hot tag to Rick Steiner. Belly to belly superplex on Scorpio gets two. The faces give each of the heels a triple-team Doomsday Device, which gets two on Dean in the end. However, they do a quick reversal sequence and Dean rolls up Eddie for the finish. ***1/4 There was a major-league style clash looming here, with power guys, brawlers, and mat wrestlers all mixed together, but they went with the old “cut off the ring and distract the ref” stuff and it WORKED as a result. There is a lesson to be learned here — if in doubt, stick with what has worked for the past 50 years.
– We finish with highlights of Mikey v. Sandman from WrestlePalooza 95, as Mikey beats him in a non-title match and gets to cane him as a result. However, Sandman retaliates by caning the shit out of Mikey, and Public Enemy is forced to intervene on Mikey’s behalf. So do the Gangstas, and a brawl erupts, setting up a six-man for the 8/26 show.
The Pulse:
Well, it was a one-match show, but it was a pretty darn good match.
