The SmarK 24/7 Rant for WWF Primetime Wrestling – 04/20/87
– So back in the days before Monday nights became the universal wrestling night, there was a show on USA network called Primetime Wrestling, which was basically a combination interview and recap show, and it was actually quite interesting because you’d get some odd matches that were leftovers from tapings and dark matches, as well as a pretty good overview of the week that was, back when they weren’t running 15 different angles in every show. This period was pretty much the golden age of wrestling as far as my childhood went, as well.
– Your hosts are Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon.
– George Steele v. Honky Tonk Man. Truly a classic matchup of cowardice v. stupidity! The commentary team is the oddball pairing of Jesse Ventura on play by play and Bruno on color, which gives Bruno a chance to say more than his usual 5 words per match. Honky had not yet lucked into his career-making Intercontinental title reign yet (and think about this: There used to be a time when winning the IC title was actually something to further your career). This is like a Larry Zbyzsko match on steroids, as no contact is made for 90% of the match, and Honky spends the first few minutes running away from Steele and attempting to trap him as he heads back into the ring. While this is actually an effective strategy, it makes for a boring-ass match. After 3 minutes of stalling, Honky finally makes contact, catching Steele coming back into the ring and pounding him on the apron. Steele fights back and messes up the hair, and now it’s time for Honky to run away again. Steele chases, but gets distracting with Jimmy Hart and counted out at 4:17. -** Literally, they touched twice during the match.
– UPDATE! With Craig DeGeorge! Uh, Brutus Beefcake is upset at being kicked out of the Dream Team, but he hasn’t yet focused his anger into hair-styling. My favorite part is Craig casually flipping through the WWF Magazine as though he was just sitting there doing that and they happened to start the segment. And I don’t recall reading about Brutus Beefcake’s face turn in the pages of WWF Magazine at that point, so this is some blatant false advertising!
– The fun continues, as next up is the weekly update on Ken Patera, who was about to be released from prison. The spin here is tremendous, as Mean Gene notes that yes, Patera threw a boulder through the window of a McDonalds and assaulted two police officers, but really in an age where drug dealers and murderers can plea bargain down to nothing, isn’t two years a bit harsh? I’m frankly shocked that they didn’t try to make it seem like Patera was framed by Bobby Heenan or something. Heenan’s angered rant against Patera is great stuff, and all true. Heenan was a manager, not a babysitter, and if Patera is a punk, it’s his own problem.
– Outback Jack v. The Raider. This is one of the few appearances of Jack after weeks of buildup. The Raider attacks to start, but Jack elbows him down and gets a slam for two. Jack was of course the WWF’s ham-fisted attempt to cash in on the short-lived Australian fad of the 80s, much like Paul Hogan’s entire career. They slug it out and Jack finishes with the clothesline to the back at 2:00. DUD
– Koko B Ware has words for Danny Davis. Truly a main event in any arena in the country. I’m sure Koko was thrilled to be the guy putting Davis over.
– B. Brian Blair v. Moondog Spot. Joined in progress from a house show in Landover, Maryland. Blair gets an atomic drop to send Spot out, and back in he gets a slam and goes to the armbar. Really, the Moondogs were just way ahead of their time — 6 more years and they would have been grunge icons. Blair backdrops him out of the corner and drops an elbow for two, then goes back to the arm again. He goes to work on it while the Timeline feature lets us know that the Radicals debuted in the WWF in January of 2000, and ECW World champion Rhino officially signed with the WWF in the first week of February, 2001. Didn’t even know that second one. Spot reverses of the hammerlock and finally takes over, hitting a high knee off a criss-cross and necksnapping him. Fistdrop from the middle rope gets two, and there’s an odd face pop for Spot’s comeback. I don’t recall much fan backlash against the Bees, but with some crowds you never know. Spot takes him down with an atomic drop to cut off the comeback, and a kneedrop gets two. We hit the chinlock and that goes on for a while. Blair fights out with a cross body for two, and Spot reverses a slam attempt for two, before going back to the chinlock. We take an ad break and return with Blair fighting out of it. I love Gorilla and Gene talking about the “non stop action” when Spot has been holding a chinlock for 3 minutes. Blair fights out and takes him down with the clothesline, and a kneedrop gets two. Butt-butt puts Spot on the floor and they brawl out there, but Spot heads back in quickly and begs for mercy. Or a bone, whatever. Blair misses a blind charge, but recovers and sends Spot into the other corner (with a GREAT sell by Spot) and Blair goes up and finishes with a sunset flip at 12:54. The chinlock in the middle slowed it down a lot, but believe it or not it had great heat and Spot could work given enough time to do so. ***
– Over to the Hart Foundation and Danny Davis. The Harts making up fake charity work for Danny Davis is funny stuff.
– And now, Bobby Heenan proudly presents…Mr. Fuji and Don Muraco go Hollywood! I’m getting confused because this stuff was from TNT in 1985, and at the point that this show would have been airing, Muraco was teaming with Bob Orton and on the verge of turning face. The story this week is that Muraco and Fuji are trying to get an interview with world famous Hollywood agent Marty Geldenfine to further their movie career. Fuji spews nonsense proverbs to a patient Muraco, but once they actually show the agent “Fuji General,” he kicks them out of the office. They should have shown him “Fuji Vice,” that would have won him over. Muraco decides to shop their stuff directly to the studios, which gets them kicked out of all the lots before even making it past the guards. So they decide to go harass Mean Gene while filming Hulk Hogan’s Rock N Wrestling instead, and Gene gives them a copy of “Helpful Hints for Bad Actors” as the payoff. This stuff was so hilariously bad that it likely would have turned them both babyface if it was happening today.
– And now something of a rarity, as Craig DeGeorge interviews Elizabeth by herself. It’s a quick one, as she’s quite upset.
– Intercontinental champion Ricky Steamboat and loving wife Bonnie announce the impending birth of their son. Steamboat actually asked Vince for six weeks off to spend with his son, so Vince jobbed him out to Honky Tonk Man and then fired him, because he’s that kind of guy. Hopefully Bonnie’s lawyers won’t sue me for calling him “Ricky Steamboat” in this recap.
– Meanwhile, Randy Savage is REALLY pissed off at losing to Steamboat and threatens to take it out on Craig DeGeorge. If only.
– Elimination tag match: Hulk Hogan, Billy Jack Haynes & Roddy Piper v. Adrian Adonis, Hercules Hernandez & Paul Orndorff. Keep in mind that was pre-Survivor Series, so the ring announcer actually had to explain the rules. We’re at the Boston Garden for this one. Had they ran this match at a house show back then, I would have been THERE. Actually, they did quite a few similar ones in Vancouver around that time, with Orndorff/Savage/Butch Reed v. Santana/Steamboat/Hogan, and they drew big crowds too. Probably why they decided to a whole PPV of them, I guess.
Big brawl to start and the heels get schooled and run away. The crowd is molten for this one, as you’d expect. The idea here is that this is Piper’s last match in Boston before he retires. If only. Piper starts for the faces and of course wants Adonis, as this was taped before Wrestlemania III, but he gets Hercules instead. Gorilla erroneously notes that Adonis and Jesse Ventura were former WWF tag team champions, when in fact he got mixed up and meant Adonis and Dick Murdoch. Hogan comes in and quickly hits Herc with a corner clothesline, then brings Billy Jack in for a kneelift, so Herc backs off and tags Orndorff in. Billy grabs a headlock and gets a cross body for two, and Orndorff accuses him of pulling the tights. That’s ridiculous! He might accidentally traffic blow in his car, but he draws the line at cheating! They fight over a lockup and Orndorff takes him down with an armdrag, but Haynes quickly reverses out. Over to Adonis, who pounds on Haynes and overpowers him, but he gets caught in the face corner and slammed by Haynes. Piper comes in, so Adonis goes out. So it’s Piper and Orndorff, and we take an ad break.
Piper wants a test of strength, but then pulls him into the corner and brings Hogan in. Smart guy. Hogan works on the arm, as does Haynes, but Orndorff moves to the corner and brings Hercules in, and the heels do some dirty work behind the ref’s back. Gorilla notes that all the men involved here would be at Wrestlemania III, although Orndorff wasn’t even booked on the show! Haynes misses a blind charge and Herc wipes him out with a clothesline, and Adonis comes in with a legdrop and starts working the knee. Powerslam , but Adrian accidentally allows Haynes to tag Piper in, and Roddy goes nuts on him. It’s breaking loose in Tulsa and Adonis and Piper are both counted out, which is not a surprising finish to their night. Piper stages a sit-in to protest until Adonis faces him like a man, but that’s not Adrian’s thing and he walks away from the fight as we take another ad break.
Back with Hogan & Haynes against Orndorff & Hercules, as Hogan gets distracted by a chair-wielding Hogan, allowing Hercules to sucker-punch him and take over. Herc drops elbows, as does Orndorff, but Hogan dodges one of them and slugs away. Orndorff comes back with a kneelift and pounds away, but hits Hercules by mistake and Hogan rolls him up to eliminate him. So poor Herc is left by himself, and Billy immediately attacks him, but misses a charge and Herc drops an elbow for the pin in a weird spot. That was pretty anti-climactic. So it’s down to Hercules v. Hogan, and Herc immediately gets the torture rack, but he lets go too soon, and you know the rest. Team Hulk wins it with the usual at 19:33. Just to demonstrate good sportsmanship, Hogan beats on poor Bobby Heenan too. ***1/4 Very watchable and fun tag match with all the big feuds of the day, albeit with tons of cheap booking tricks.
– We finish with Gorilla giving Bobby a weasel-themed cake for his first anniversary as host of PrimeTime, but Heenan of course ends up going into it face-first.
The Pulse:
Hey, two really good rare matches and OUTBACK JACK, baby! Definitely one of the better weeks for a very hit-and-miss type of show.
