The Smackdown Short Form, 02.09.07

Columns, Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Ah, to hell with the other two shows (or three if you want me to start in with WSX). I’ve had a f*cked-up week with definitely not enough sleep (the weather, really; we’ve been in the deep freeze all week, and working during the coldest part of the day doesn’t help). I’ll just close out the week with Smackdown and end it off, since I deserve to pamper me a little on occasion. Besides, I’m playing a more important game right now. The goal: become the World’s Most Famous Person Born On November 28th. I was able to move one step closer to that goal earlier this week. Ta ta, Anna Nicole, you slut.

Oh, well, the only thing I want to discuss is Jim Samples’ resignation at Cartoon Network. He shouldn’t have had to resign because people in Bah-stun are f*cking morons (and they are f*cking morons; the signs were out in eleven cities, and only Bah-stun thought they were bombs). However, this does give Cartoon Network an opportunity to break away from the mediocrity that’s been suffocating it recently thanks to lack of inspiration in its original works and continuous importing of shitty anime. Let’s hope there’s an improvement.

On to Smackdown…

Match Results:

The Undertaker over Mike Mizanin (Pinfall, Tombstone piledriver): Well, in my infinite quest to say something good about Mizanin, I finally have something: kudos to him for taking the Tombstone and the Last Ride through the announce table. Anything that causes Mizanin pain is aces in my book.

What would Mizanin consider Old School? The Backstreet Boys?

Douche and Dildo over Paul London and Brian Kendrick, Yet Again A Non-Title Match (Pinfall, Domino pins London, Deuce top-rope sledgehammer to head): God, I’m already bored with this program. Please, please, let them switch the tag titles at No Way Out. But let it be to the Blue Bloods. I don’t even want to think about the alternatives.

How to do CPR on the Wrong Side of the Tracks

Joey Maskury over Mattsy-Poo (Pinfall, rollup): Does anyone still care? Thought not.

Mattsy-Poo’s idea of snack food is a little unorthodox

Dave Fuckin’ Finlay over The Boogeyman (Pinfall, shillelagh-ference): Gotta throw the right spelling in there once in a while to embarass the rest of the staff here. Now, can someone who’s more familiar with Irish lore explain to me the relationship between leprechauns and the Boogeyman? Oh, wait, there isn’t any. So, therefore, Little Bastard has done time and had a very large cellmate…oh, for some reason I have that on my mind right now. I do a Midnight Express joke in the Round Table this weekend, for instance. Just ignore it.

Love blossoms in the strangest of places

Shaun Daivari over Novocaine Helms, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, rope-assisted roll-up): Well, that was a good indicator of a couple of things. First of all, they might actually have some kind of plan to take the strap off Helms, and they’ve got a good choice. After all, Daivari is proven himself to be able to draw heel heat like no other cruiser on the roster. He should provide more compelling match-ups in the division (and that probably includes turning Helms face; let’s hope it doesn’t involve a domino mask and cape). Second, they haven’t soured on Daivari and don’t blame him for any of the mishaps he’s been involved in during his WWE career. For some reason, they’ve been doing well by the very young guys on their roster, and I hope this trend continues. Hell, they might even be able to attract Sabin one of these days.

Oh, he didn’t deserve that

DAVE over FudgePacker, World Title Match (Pinfall, DAVEBomb): Please, let our long national nightmare be over, and let FudgePacker be de-pushed, all the way through the mid-card back to OVW, where I don’t have to watch him anymore. That being said, that was the best-looking DAVEBomb I’ve seen him do since his return.

With DAVE’s stomach, that’s like kicking a trampoline

Angle Developments:

Do you blame him?

Yes, short but good. I’ll be back for the That Phil Collins Song Round Table this weekend, then again on Tuesday for the fallout. Until that time, keep warm.