It’s 10:00, it’s Tuesday, you know what that means? You don’t? Nevermind.
Show opens with a recap video of last week’s main event of Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly. Funny, that’s what the main event is supposed to be this week too. Snitsky’s one ugly guy, I’ll tell you that much. Even weirder looking without the facial (or ANY) hair.
Let the bodies hit the floor…
Pulse Glazer: let the ratings hit the floor
Wow. Looks like we’re starting the night with the Lashley vs. Holly under extreme rules. Not many of these matches for the ECW title anymore.
Bobby Lashley over Hardcore Holly by power slam on a steel chair
For some reason Tazz and Joey need to explain what “extreme rules” means. They go outside right away and Lashley takes control with a nice belly to belly suplex. Lashley goes under the ring and grabs a table and sets it up, but Holly is up and Lashley gives him a body slam on the floor to keep him at bay. He goes back to the table long enough that Holly gains control again.
Holly, for some reason, undoes the table and puts it back under the ring. Nice heel heat, as little sense as it might make for someone with the first name HARDCORE. Lashley gains control again through a reversed irish whip against the barrier and Lashley tries to clothesline Holly over the barrier, but has to do it the hard way and dumps Holly on his head on the concrete outside. Excedrin headache #9.
Holly is pushed into the ring and reverses a powerslam and crotches Lashley on the corner post. With that…
commercials. Is anyone REALLY going to see Ghost Rider?
During the break Holly dropped Lashley head first and then throat first across a steel chair. Why would Holly use a chair now and refuse a table earlier? Holly kicks a chair into Lashley’s face and with that we head right into rear naked choke #1 of the night. I used to keep track of broken tables, now I’m going to keep track of rear naked chokes. Lashley Hulks up and nails some punches on Holly before being knocked down once more. Holly wedges a chair in the corner but Lashley reverses it and Holly goes face first into the chair, followed by an exploder suplex.
Both guys are down and we’re going for the double count down spot,. Lashley makes it up first and hits a trio of clotheslines on Holly before throwing him into the corner for a few running clotheslines and a spear. Lashley goes for the one armed vertical suplex and follows it up with a torture rack back breaker, but that only gets a two. TWO!
Lashley goes outside and goes for that table again. Third time’s a charm, right? Wrong. Holly hits a baseball slide on Lashley while he was setting the table up. Holly putts Lashley in the ring and brings the steel chair back into the ring. Lashley rolls through an Alabama Slam and hits a power slam on the steel chair Holly brought into the ring.
Lashley celebrates post match. Nice to see a fifteen minute match on the show again. Lashley is being shown as a dominant champion heading into Wrestlemania, but now Lashley’s beat RVD and Test in a three way, Test three times in a row followed by Holly twice in a row. I declare Holly a non-contender.
It’s come out recently that Test lost three matches in a row as some kind of punishment for violating the wellness policy. Oh yeah, did I mention that? Test violated the wellness policy. Remember what people were chanting at him when he debuted? “You’re on steroids.” Maybe someone actually tested him for it. It would explain the backne.
We’re given another SNITSKY promo video, even though he debuted last week in his naked mole rat gimmick. Why not just give one of the matches a little bit more time? Oh I know why. Because they already are killing as much time as they can with Extreme Expose! This week the Nitro Girls are dancing to “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent. Who’s going to cut this one short? Kevin Thorn. I hope Ariel rips their jugulars open.
Marcus Cor Von & Kevin Thorn over Sandman & Tommy Dreamer by cane shot
After reminding us they jobbed Balls to both Cor Von and Umaga last week, we finally get the Dreamer & Sandman entrance. Everyone brawls to start off. Sandman and Cor Von outside the ring and Thorn and Dreamer inside. Cor Von takes care of Sandman and runs into the ring in time to give Dreamer the POOOOUUUUNNNNCCCCEEEEEE, period. Thorn keeps control of Dreamer in the ring until he can tag out to Cor Von.
Cor Von does that weird tilt the head from behind thing as Tazz talks about how ECW needs some hatred and it’s time to move on from the original ECW. Cor Von tags out and Thorn cuts Dreamer’s hopes of tagging out short. Sandman eventually gets the lukewarm tag. Sandman hits the Heinekenrana on thorn and the White Russian Legsweep on Cor Von, but Thorn hits Sandman with the cane and gets a three count on him, without his shoulders being down!
CM Punk gets a promo video. That guy’s still on this show, right? He’s gonna fight next. Someone go tell all the ROH guys that are watching WSX that their special boy is going to be on.
THIS JUST IN: Hardcore Holly’s “got elbow problems and his knee is in bad shape” according to the Observer.
THIS ALSO IN: “HEINEKENRANA! I just marked out a little. I admit.” according to Matthew Michaels.
Did you buy The Marine on DVD? No? Who did? It’s somehow on the top of the DVD charts. That means someone had to have bought it besides Blockbuster and Netflix.
We’re live again. Teddy Long is backstage with Lashley for some reason. He blows some smoke up Lashley’s ass, even telling him that he’s already paid his dues. Lashley will be on Smackdown this week as Long’s special guest.
CM Punk over Mike Knox by Anaconda Vice
CM Punk comes out to a big ovation, Knox… well… most people kinda remember that he’s still no the show. HUGE CM Punk chant to start. Punk has control to start, but loses it to Knox, who only gets a two count on a leg drop. TWO!
Knox holds a rest hold until Punk fights out, followed by an abdominal stretch. Punk hits a nice knee from inside the stretch, but gets drop kicked by Knox for another two. TWO!
Punk hits a sweet enziguiri and takes control and “zones in for the kill” according to Tazz. Punk hits the rising knee and the bulldog, but misses from the top rope. Punk hits the Uranage and the Anaconda Vice for the tap out victory.
CM Punk celebrates, but SNITSKY happens. SNITSKY hits a rough looking high boot to Punk and broods around the ring for a bit until we go to commercials.
We’re given another video about Bobby Lashley. Again, they’re trying to show his personality. They need these videos because God knows that listening to him talk doesn’t convey his personality at all. That is of course unless he’s paint drying or grass growing.
Matt Striker & Elijah Burke over Rob Van Dam & Sabu
RVD and Sabu make their ways out to the ring and…
commercials.
Okay, we’re back and the bell rings. It’s Sabu and Striker to start and Striker uses some hair pulling to get the advantage on Sabu. Sabu hits a spike DDT on Striker followed by a spring board flip leg drop. Striker tags Burke in and Sabu tags RVD in. BIG “RVD” chant as RVD and Burke go into a lockup. Burke gets a headlock on RVD. RVD powers out twice and Burke gets a clothesline. Burke runs through and gets monkey flipped. Burke gets control and tags in Striker, who gets his head kicked off by a crescent kick by RVD. Sabu and RVD give a double double leg drop with RVD putting Sabu in an atomic drop position to start.
Burke clotheslines Sabu from the outside so Striker can gain momentum to throw Sabu into the corner and gets hit with a clothesline from Striker and a double knee from Burke. Burke has some kinda reverse head thing on Sabu, who powers out and gets thrown back to the canvas.
Striker gets tagged in and hits some kicks on Sabu, but only gets a two. TWO! Another two. TWO! Now Burke is in and Sabu’s bleeding form the mouth. Burke’s got another reverse head thing and Sabu powers out once more. Sabu kicks Burke in the head and that allows him to reach RVD for the hot tag. RVD clears house on Burke and hits the rolling monkey flip. Striker tries to interfere but gets a shin in the face for his troubles. RVD hits Burke with a windmill kick and Striker catches Sabu, who was attempting a springboard leg drop. RVD hits a plancha on Striker outside the ring and Sabu gets tripped up in the ropes by Burke as he attempts a springboard and gets rolled up for a weak looking three count.
The four members of the new breed come out and stare down RVD and Sabu to end the show.
The Inside Pulse
It’s a step in the right direction, more wrestling this week and less talking. With only an hour to showcase the entire roster, they did a pretty good job this week of moving things along. Thanks to WSX, Vince gives two shits about ECW and it looks like we’re gonna get ECW involvement in three different matches at Wrestlemania. The new breed vs. ECW originals, the ECW title match of some sort and two out of the six guys in the Money in the Bank match. This one gets three stars, which is much better than anything else I can remember ECW doing in months. In a word: enjoyable.
- Bobby Lashley over Hardcore Holly by power slam on a steel chair
- Marcus Cor Von & Kevin Thorn over Sandman & Tommy Dreamer by cane shot
- CM Punk over Mike Knox by Anaconda Vice
- Matt Striker & Elijah Burke over Rob Van Dam & Sabu
