So we start with the recap of last night’s Vince vs. Trump angle with Bobby Lashley being Trumps pick. After that…
Let the ratings hit the floor…
Styles claims that the wrestling world was rocked by the Trump news. More like the wrestling world already knew about the Trump pick.
Mr. Kennedy over Sabu by DDT to go to the Money in the Bank Match
This one’s a Money in the Bank qualifier. Tazz claims he’s a team guy and that’s why he’s not going to root for Kennedy. Tazz is a team player for whoever gave him his last paycheck. It’s not like the guy is on the team with all the other ECW originals.
Wouldn’t it be cool if these were ladder matches instead of regular ones? Kennedy starts with control over Sabu, but missed a running elbow following a scoop slam. Sabu goes for a springboard butt bump kinda thing but gets belly to back suplexed by Kennedy. Sabu gets some more springboard offense, but Kennedy goes outside.
Sabu goes for a somersault plancha, but mostly gets the floor instead of Kennedy. Sabu gets a table and lays Kennedy out on it and set up for a triple jump inside the ring, but Kennedy rolls off the table, which causes Sabu to change his game to a double axe handle.
Back into the ring Kennedy reverses a triple jump moonsault into a drop toe hold onto the chair. A boot to the face only draws a two. TWO!
Now Kennedy goes to the outside to the table and awkwardly throwing it back into the ring. Sabu cuts Kennedy off on his way into the ring with a guillotine leg drop through the ropes. So the table is in the ring and Sabu’s got control. Kennedy is against the table and Sabu misses Kennedy and double leg drops the table with no one on it. Kennedy hits a DDT on the table and gets the three count on Sabu. Kennedy is on his way to the MitB match, which has grown to eight men this year.
Backstage Vince arrives at the arena at 10:14. I think Johnny Ace is going to have to have words with him, you know that you’re not allowed to leave the arena to go to the gym anymore. Tsk tsk.
Hey, looks like Balls gets to be on the show this week.
Balls Mahoney over Matt Striker by DQ when SNITSKY happens
I thought these two should have been feuding from the start. Big “Balls Mahoney” chant to start followed by some Balls punches. Following the punches Balls hits a leg drop from the top rope, but before it can go anywhere… SNITSKY happens. I guess a win is a win no matter how you look at it. SNITSKY happens to Striker and we go to Vince.
Vince tries the hard sell on tonight’s main event of Lashley vs. Holly for the 4th or 5th time. Tonight Vince says he’s gonna surprise Trump and Lashley by making the rule that if Lashley can’t beat Holly in 5 minutes, Holly wins the title. So at least we know that the match won’t last for more than five minutes, right?
Marcus Cor Von & Kevin Thorn with Ariel over Tommy Dreamer & Rob Van Dam by Dark Kiss on RVD
They’ve got Burke and Sandman in the corners as well. Thorn has control over RVD, but that changes quick and RVD gets a scross body off the second turnbuckle for a two. TWO! RVD gets a drop toe hold and Dreamer hits an elbow on Thorn. Cor Von distracts Dreamer so Thorn gets control and tags in Cor Von.
Marcus throws Tommy around the ring and can only get a two. TWO! Cor Von pounds on Dreamer and Dreamer counters with a neck braker. Dreamer tries for a tag and so does Cor Von. RVD comes in and cleans house on Thorn and Cor Von and draws huge heat from the crowd. Split legged moonsault draws a two. TWO! Rolling Thunder gets a two. TWO!
All four guys are in the ring, Dreamer sends Cor Von out then splashes Cor Von on the outside. Ariel attempts to get into the ring but gets her back caned by the Sandman. This gives Burke time to crotch RVD and Thorn hits the Dark Kiss to end the match.
Backstage Rebecca has Holly backstage. Holly says he’s smiling because there’s no one on the planet that can beat Hardcore Holly in five minutes, even Lashley. He says tonight he’ll be ECW champion. Why would they go to commercial at 10:30 so people can switch the channel to see what’s on Wrestling Society X?
Scorpio Sky vs. Matt Sydal
No. I’m just kidding.
Now I know why they went to commercial at 10:30, it’s CM Punk’s time. That’ll teach those ROH fans to turn to WSX to see Matt Sydal wrestle!
CM Punk over Stevie Richards by Go to Sleep
Man! Stevie Richards! Richards throws CM Punk out of the ring in an odd fashion from an under arm spin arm drag. Punk’s back in and these guys start trading roundhouse kicks to the thighs. They’re wrestling a fast paced match here. Until Richards goes for a neck torque thing on Punk. Punk only gets a two on a reversal. TWO! Then Richards gets a two on a roundhouse kick to the back. TWO! Richards goes for another rest hold as CM Punk battles out.
These guys are body doubles for each other.
Richards goes for a superplex but gets fought off by CM Punk and Punk hits a flying clothesline, followed by a running one. Punk hits a running knee into his strikes and rising knee in the corner, but the bulldog is thwarted. Instead Punk hits the Go to Sleep for the three.
Too many rest holds to be a good match, but it almost seemed like they had some time in the beginning to really go until the ref called for rest holds. I could be wrong, but that’s what it looked like to me.
ANOTHER recap of Vince vs. Trump. I think this might be the same exact video that aired at the top of the show. Could you imagine running the same video package twice in a one hour show?
Alright, so for the fourth week in a row we’re going to see Hardcore Holly and Bobby Lashley fight. If you were curious about the outcome, it’s been 0-3 for Holly.
Of course before the cage match we have to endure the Nitro Girls 2.0. I’m sure that Slayer loves this stuff, but I don’t see much point. It’s just a waste of time.
The Lawler Hall of Fame video is shown and that’s followed by…
The steel cage’s music hits (is it sad I know what it is?) and Justin Roberts explains that if Lashley doesn’t win in five minutes, he loses the title.
Apparently a pain medication is sponsoring Wrestlemania. Now I’m no ethicist, but I’m pretty sure that having an official pain reliever of Wrestlemania is wrong considering how many guys die from abuse of pain medication and other drugs. And it shouldn’t be 360 anyway, it should be Vicodin.
Bobby Lashley over Hardcore Holly by powerslam
Alright, they’re including a timer through the whole match. Lashley goes for a fast attack on Holly, going from pillar to post and grounding and pounding. First pin attempt: 4:10.
Holly’s busted open and he’s getting his ass kicked. Lashley gets kicked in the face in an attempt to do something to Holly in the corner. Both guys fight to the top turnbuckle when Umaga’s music hits at around the 3:00 left mark.
Umaga runs around outside of the cage and tosses a chair into the ring and Holly uses it on Lashley with 2:00 left in the match. Lashley hits a suplex out of nowhere and clubs Holly in the head with the chair. Lashley continues using the chair on Holly as Holly rolls around on the ground screaming. At 1:09 Lashley turns his attention to Umaga outside the ring. With 0:55 t go Lashley hits another chair shot and walks around the ring with Holly ready for the powerslam. Lashley hits the powerslam and gets the three count with 0:35 left to go.
Umaga is standing outside the ring when Lashley charges and shoulder tackles the wall of the cage. The wall of the cage collapses onto Umaga as Lashley rolls out of the ring with the wall. Awesome ending to a shitty shitty match.
The Inside Pulse
Um, this is how they try to raise ratings? This piece of crap show? there was about 25 seconds of hope during the Punk/Richards match. Meanwhile, we’re “treated” to Holly vs. Lashley for the fourth time in four weeks. By the way, Test lost to Lashley four times in a row before disappearing from TV. Maybe that means Holly is about to go off TV for a while.
- Mr. Kennedy over Sabu by DDT to go to the Money in the Bank Match
- Balls Mahoney over Matt Striker by DQ when SNITSKY happens
- Marcus Cor Von & Kevin Thorn with Ariel over Tommy Dreamer & Rob Van Dam by Dark Kiss on RVD
- CM Punk over Stevie Richards by Go to Sleep
- Bobby Lashley over Hardcore Holly by powerslam
