Greetings everyone. Welcome back to your weekly installment of the Internet Wrestling Community’s only happy place, A Look on the Bright Side.
Before I get started, I have to address two points from previous columns by our own illustrious Eric Szulczewski:
1) Buying condoms at 2am
Okay, seriously – why the big deal? What, exactly, would one be embarrassed about at 2am? In my opinion, the message you are sending is, “I’m about to get laid”, which is probably the main goal of anyone working in any kind of store that would be selling condoms at 2am. So, wouldn’t you expect the salesman to be sympathetic to your cause?
And honestly – I’ve been in the situation of “it’s at (or just past) 2am, I could get laid tonight, but I don’t have a rubber”. (Hey, it happens – sometimes, you just don’t have them on your person when you need them.) And in those cases – sometimes I chose to go as far as I could without the condom (oh well, just a blowjob – poor me), and sometimes I chose to run out to the nearest convenience store (assuming it was close enough – which sometimes mean literally less than a block away). Sometimes – she WILL still be in the mood when you get back. Depends on her. (And you, of course.)
After the age of, say, 18 – why would you care when/where you bought condoms? Unless the cashier is, say, a friend of your Mom’s (been there, done that, wasn’t fun) – whatever, right? Hell, back in college, I used to buy 12-packs of Trojans. They were easy to find, they had a good variety, they fit in the inside pocket of my overcoat, and with that quantity I only had to buy them once a week.
2) Steroids – Rey-rey? Why Rey-rey?
This one is much, much simpler. Steroids help your body heal. (Basic concept of building muscle mass: you lift heavy weights, and tear your muscles. Your muscles recover, and build themselves back stronger than they were.) Steroids help in the healing process. Now, you tell me a WWE main-eventer that’s taken more bumps than Rey Mysterio Jr. in the last 4-5 years. Why wouldn’t he want to take something that helps him heal up faster, hence continuing his hectic weekly schedule, and also allow him to keep facing big lummoxes that almost kill him (e.g. Khali).
Actually, that’s one of the reasons you will see more pitchers than hitters getting caught in drug tests in the MLB – the physical act of pitching is more damaging over the long haul than hitting/fielding, so pitchers need anything that will help them heal quickly. Why do you think that big steroid/HGH bust involved Jason Grimsley and not, say, Alfonso Soriano?
Around the Pulse
You must, MUST go to Popcorn Junkies to see the Biggest Badasses in Film ever.
The Week That Was
And now, we get to the meat of the column. The idea is fairly simple: I point out (at least) 5 things from each major show that should be getting more attention, but aren’t. (And occasionally, I just point out some absurdity just to tweak the rest of the IWC.) There’s way too much negativity infused into columnists who write about pro wrestling: this is just my little attempt to balance it out a bit.
Love the concept? Hate it? ink I missed something important from last week? See something this week that you think should be here? Email me by Tuesday evening.
And be sure to take part in the Insidepulse Forum for A Look on the Bright Side thread too.
Friday Night Smackdown
1. Kennedy: “Every week, I come out here and I say the same damn thing over and over and over again.” Is that a shot at the criticisms of the IWC? If so, I like it.
2. Whoa. That spear through the ropes from Hardy onto Kennedy was freakin’ vicious. Overall, I was impress with this match, once again especially with Kennedy – he’s got the best “pick a bodypart and turn it into cantelope” approach since… (dare I say it?)… Bret Hart. And his willingness to lose to Hardy (again – anyone remember that Matt ended Kennedy’s undefeated streak?) further speaks to his lack of ego.
3. Whoever’s idea it was to make sure at least one match per week on each show consisted of two participants in the upcoming Money in the Bank match – that guy deserves a raise. In addition to giving us a series of great matches (although they’d be much better if Edge was healthy), it is doing an excellent job of keeping up the mystery of who is going to win MitB. I still think there are four strong possibilities.
4. So at this point, Saliva is just writing songs with the outright intention of being PPV themes, right?
5. Did MVP just do that New York Giants “Ballin'” sack dance before dropping an elbow? Wow – I’ve just found my first wrestler ever to develop an irrational hatred for.
6. Wait, wait, wait – he then does shout-outs to Ric Flair, Harley Race (Harley freakin’ Race? really?), and Dusty Rhodes? Dammit – I am such a sucker for old-school respect. Okay, so I’ll stay neutral on him for now.
7. Okay – so, you’re thrown against the ropes. If someone aligned with your opponent grabs your foot, you fall flat onto your face. But, if your tag team partner grabs your foot, you are somehow able to slide down to the floor unharmed. How is it that your foot and ankle know who is grabbing you? Is this something they teach in “Tough Enough”?
Monday Night Raw
1. Okay, so it was a bait-and-switch match. But hey, if you’re reading this, then you already knew the match was never going to happen. So, the next best thing was a strong promo from both men that got across the psychology of the match. Mission accomplished.
2. “Matches fought against children” — okay, that was funny.
3. Lashley gets to break the MasterLock – gee, did anyone call that last week? Oh, just me? Yup, I pretty much rule.
4. Eugene still has the green D-X paint on his jacket? Wow. And I thought his ability to keep up the “retard thing” showed commitment to the character. Oh, and yes – it’s now official: Umaga is indeed the new Kane.
5. Somebody should make a betting pool out of “Damn” – guess which quarter hour Ron Simmons is going to show up in, and win the pool.
6. Why a battle royal for Edge’s spot when everyone knows Edge is going to win it? Two purposes: 1) continue the Edge/Orton angle where they keep screwing with each other for kicks without putting Edge’s nearly-broken jaw in jeopardy, and 2) give some screen time to a bunch of midcarders that are in danger of getting lost in the pre-WM build-up. Hell, I had forgotten Kenny was even on this show.
7. Melina doesn’t like getting naked? Really?
8. Okay, either Edge or Orton eventually has to turn face, or at least tweener, if they’re going to continue this feud, right? Is Edge capable of pulling off the “face Rock” character, where he keeps almost all of his heel mannerisms but gets booed anyway? Actually, I hope so – because it’d be worth it just for Eric S’s reaction.
ECW on Sci Fi
1. How does Ariel keep finding outfits that keep her boobs in check? I swear, every time I see her, I think the next movement she makes is going to pop those giant areolas onto into the public domain.
2. Good to see the drugs haven’t dulled the tag-team talents of RVD and Sabu. The opening sequence of their match against Thorn and…. oh hell… Cor Von… was hot.
3. Wow. The “pounce” is a lot more effective when someone actually sells for it, eh? Kudos, Sabu.
4. Foley: “Who did Churchill ever beat?” Umm, Hitler?
5. So that’s the “Go to Sleep”? A knee out of a fireman’s carry? Well.. okay.
6. Okay – having Elija bring up the concept of “We can help you in the MitB match” was very, very smart. That match is no-DQ – the only objective is to grab that briefcase. So, the more friends/allies you have, the better off you are. Logically, it makes sense – and I’m always in favor of wrestlers acting in a logical manner, and as if they are thinking more than 7 days in the future on occasion.
7. Was that Layla in the yellow outfit (in the middle) during the ECW Extreme Expose segment? The camera cuts barely let me see who it was. But if so – damn, girl, you are doing awesome.. for the role they’ve put you in. Hey, maybe in 2 or 3 years, they’ll let you speak! Like, on-screen and everything!
8. Okay, maybe he’s done this before – but this was the first time I’ve noticed that Lashley will inhale the smoke from his intro pyro, then exhale it as he’s walking down the ramp. Either way, it’s a very Goldberg-esque move — but at least he decided to pull the coolest move Goldberg ever had. Well played, Mr. Lashley..
Till next week, ta-ta folks.