So Rob Van Dam is gone and Bobby Lashley is the champion. This is the last stop before the draft lottery on Monday and it “all begins again”.
We’re starting tonight with a recap of the street fight where Bobby Lashley reclaimed the ECW heavyweight title. No need to get the replay, they pretty much just showed all the high spots of the match.
Let the bodies hit the floor. You know, with such a dwindling roster, there is only so many wrestlers for them to highlight.
Okay, Vince is on a rocking chair on a platform next to the entrance. Old man Vince gets intro-d, but just sits there catatonic. Maybe Trish gave him the same pills she used to give Linda? That would require Trish to be with the company.
Lashley’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring with old man Vince looking on from his rocking chair. I really thought that maybe we’d get to see Lashley move on to someone else, rather than have this feud continue even further.
So what could be something that would immediately ruin my night? Lashley speaking on the mic? Nope. Try a 3 on 1 hardcore handicapped match with Lashley on one side and Dreamer, Sandman and Balls on the other side. This will clearly show that Lashley has no real competition on the show and that Vince is better than any of the ECW Originals because he can beat Lashley.
Bobby Lashley over the Three Stooges
The ORiginals start with weapon shots, and Lashley leaves the ring and attempts to come back in, only to get attacked by the three stooges once more. Lashley can’t get into the ring without getting assaulted by the Originals.
Dreamer hints the Holly suplex out the ring, but it’s reversed, as would be expected. Next Lashley takes down Sandman and gets caned by Balls, followed by a double suplex by Balls and Dreamer.
Lashley throws Dreamer into the steps and I think the crowd is super confused by now. Aside from Punk, this is just about all of the faces on the show. Sandman hits a guillotine leg drop as Lashley’s draped over the middle rope, but Sandman can only get a two. TWO!
Lashley goes into the tree of woe as the crowd chants for tables. Lashley takes a drop kick through a chair to the face and the crowd is cheering for the Originals kicking this guy’s ass. Sandman gets a table as Balls has a chair and goes for Lashley, but instead gets Dreamer. Whoops. Balls goes after Lashley with the chair and hits the mark/head, but missed a second turnbuckle leg drop. Lashley picks up Sandman and puts him through a table standing up in the corner and spears Balls Mahoney.
Don’t worry everyone. The draft lottery will fix ALL of this next week. They’ll move anyone who has anything to do with the Original ECW off the show and move a bunch of monsters to ECW to slowly plod through the hour of television. Let’s forge that Lashley just took out three wrestlers, and three wrestlers that were being pushed not too long ago.
Post match, Lashley goes up to old man Vince’s platform and celebrates with the title a bit. This whole catatonic thing doesn’t work very well, considering we saw him fine last night on RAW talking and walking around.
Maybe this will change the direction of the show now that Vince has to actually sit and watch it, just like we watch it. He looks about as bored as he should for watching this show.
Joey reminds us that this could be the end of the ECW roster as we know it.
Kevin Thorn over Stevie Richards by Original Sin
Poor Stevie. During the match we’re reminded that Thorn follows vampires and frequent bite clubs. It’s like they’re trying to introduce the character again. I hate to break it to the WWE, but ECW isn’t attracting any new viewers. The show doesn’t go much under a 1.3 and it doesn’t go over a 1.6 in the ratings.
I’m not going to give you any idea as to what kind action transpired during the match. It doesn’t matter anyway. When I say “Stevie Richards”, you should add “loses” to that statement.
Okay, so we’re going to get a recap of what Randy Orton did to Rob Van DAm, which is put him out of commission until his contract is up. But before then, it’s time for Extreme Expose, who is dancing to a Pitbull song. Pitbull? Wasn’t that guy on My Super Sweet 16? I think Layla was hotter with straight hair.
As promised, we get a recap of Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton, so for everyone who didn’t see it, you can see the move that took out RVD. RVD takes a pretty good DDT, I’ll say that much. So as expected, RVD put over Randy Orton on his way out despite winning the match.
Joey and Tazz act all solemn about RVD’s “injury” before we move on to Marcus Cor Von and Elijah Burke’s entrance. Before moving on, were reminded that the Major Brothers beat Striker and Cor Von the last time they met.
The New Breed over The Major Brothers by Pounce.
Okay, so I can’t tell the difference between the Major Brothers. One of them starts with MCV, and gets their ass handed to them for a while. MCV misses a punch and Major gets a an arm bar, tags out and the otherMajor gets an axe han dle onto MCV’s arm. Another quick tag, but MCV goes to Burke, but he gets put into an arm bar too. Quick tag by the majors, double leapfrog, then a double arm drag, but that only draws a two. TWO!
Burke gets a headlock, but Major powers out of it and throws Burke to the ropes. Burke dumps Major from an attempted leap frog behind him and can only get a two. TWO!
Burke drags Major back to the heel corner and tags in MCV, who continues the punishment. MCV gets a few kicks to the ribs in on Major before taking his head off with a short clothesline. Burke gets tagged in and hits his corner twist elbow move, whatever the name of it might be. Burke applied some torque to Major’s head before going to a european uppercut. MCV is tagged back in and puts a bear hug on Major. I think it’s Brett. Brett powers out with elbows, but gets a knee to the midsection after running to the ropes. MCV brings him back to the heel corner and Burke is tagged in. Burke slaps on an abdominal stretch, and these two guys get a breather.
Brett powers out with a hip toss and gets kneed in the back and Brett tags in Brian, who clears house. Brian hits a spinebuster, but Burke gets a shoulder up on two. TWO!
Brian gets POOOUUNNNNCEEEEE-d and gets the three count.
Okay, so the McChair from earlier is empty, and we’re reminded what happened about 45 minutes ago with the Lashley vs. ECW Originals match.
Alright, it’s main event time after they promote the WWE RAW energy drink that’s only available at Wal Mart. I used to love energy drinks, but I can’t imagine this one being remotely good. It’s the Socko company, so that’s Bischoff’s company.
CM Punk over Matt Striker by GTS
Striker’s got a mic, who calls himself Punk’s teacher before the match starts. Punk acknowledges the CM PUNK chant the crowd’s got going before the match really starts. Punk whips STriker to the ropes and hits a kick to the head, followed by one to the back. Punk goes for more kicks…. and hits them.
Punk throws Striker back and forth until Striker hits a back elbow and throws Punk to the corner and hits some kicks of his own. They go back and forth some more and Striker eventually hits a northern lights suplex. Striker continues the punishment.
Striker’s got some odd american flag tights on, but he can’t get Punk in a Boston crab. He eventually gets it, but releases it for a splash n Punk’s back. Striker goes for a single leg crab and the crowd gets behind Punk. Punk gets out of the hold by going for punches to the back.
Punk goes for the GTS, but he can’t get it as Striker’s holding the ropes. Striker gets Punk’s feet on the top rope and hits a swinging neck breaker. Nice move. Striker goes back to the single leg crab and Punk eventually powers his way to the ropes. STriker went for a third crab, but Punk rolls him up for two.. TWO!
Punk hits his set of three strikes and hits some kicks to the top of the head, followed by the rising knee in the corner and the bulldog, but only gets a two. TWO!
Punk goes for GTS again, but Striker counters with a punch in the face. Punk manages to get the move and the main event ends pretty much how everyone thought it would with a GTS.
The Inside Pulse
Alas, nothing of note here. Just a holding pattern until the draft brings some new faces to the show. They could have used the opportunity to give a few guys some unexpected wins, but instead we get a watered down show with nothing surprising in the least. We’ll see how things change next week.
