Available at Amazon.com
Directed by
Neema Barnette
Cast
Alyson Michalka ………. Taylor
Amanda Michalka ………. Sarah
Brendan Miller ………. Shannon
Regine Nehy ………. Jacquie
Ethan Phillips ………. Craig
Roddy Piper ………. Mitch
Rocco Vienhage ………. Coleman Palm
Running Time: 86 minutes
Unrated
DVD Release date: July 10, 2007
If you have a penis or are older than 12, My Super Sweet 16: the Movie will bring you nothing but pain. Copious amounts of pain.
But you could probably tell that from the title.
Anyways, MSSS:TM stars some sort of blonde singing duo named Aly and AJ. The AJ portion here plays some obnoxious vegan activist named Sarah. Sarah shares a birthday with a State Senator’s daughter, Jacquie, with whom she may or may not be BFF. Jacquie goes away and comes back from boarding school, joins Sarah’s high school and falls in with the Mean Girl crowd led by Taylor Tiara (played by the Aly half of AJ and Aly). You may know Aly as that girl from Phil of the Future; mostly she looks like an alternate reality Stacey Kiebler. Taylor likes to refer to herself in the third person; she and her friends speak in IM lingo such as OMG and BTW.
Ms. Tiara uses Machiavellian scheming, despite her monstrous stupidity, in an attempt to steal Jacquie from Sarah. BUT it is really all a ploy for her tacky fashion line, Taylor Couture, to get a foothold into Jacquie’s dad fashion magazine empire. Eventually Jacquie and Sarah turn on one another, each planning an extravagant birthday party to spite the other. It’s true what they say; the best revenge is birthdaying well.
It’s up to Shannon, Taylor’s hunky documentary film-making brother, and his footage of Hurrican Katrina’s aftermath to get these two crazy kids back together.
Did I mention this movie was unmitigated pain?
The real star of this flick is one “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, who puts in a fine performance as Sarah’s wrestler-dad Mitch. It’s too bad that the material he has to work with isn’t as strong as, say, Hell Comes to Frog Town. It’s also too bad that the Piper is immensely fat in this picture, but so it goes.
He’s so fat.
It looks like he ate Dusty Rhodes.
So very fat.
Hamming things up a bit is Debra Wilson Skelton (nee MadTV‘s Debra Wilson) as a party planner. Star Trek’s Neelix has a minor role as Jacquie’s mom’s campaign manager or something of that nature. We also get cameos from two of the spoiled girl-creatures from the My Super Sweet 16 television show and a cameo from Beyonce’s mom.
The whole thing is padded with some performances by Hellogoodbye, which I’m informed is not a fictional band, and some sort of glittery sequined thing known as Pretty Ricky. I don’t really watch the MTV.
All in all, the film plays a lot like a really long commercial for Chili’s. If you are old enough to have pubic hair, you probably be safe to pass on My Super Sweet 16: The Movie.
The DVD
Audio and Visual
Everything runs well, and the audio is surprisingly good. That is, save moments of obvious over-dub.
The Extras
There are 19 deleted scenes, that add up to about 15 minutes worth of movie. Mostly, they flesh out the story, and provide motivations for some of the character’s actions so as to make them appear significantly less psychotic. But were they added, it would only prolong the suffering.
Hidden on page 2 of the deleted scenes is 90 seconds worth of blooper reel.
The disc features an eight part, 40 minute long, “Best of” collection from the 16 TV show. It mostly compiles moments of suffering so as to maximize the viewer’s schadenfreude.
There are previews, a 6 minute pimp of Virtual MTV, and DVD credits.
That’s all she wrote.
