The SmackDown Report

It’s school holidays here right now. I cannot wait for my sleeping habit to be horribly screwed up!

We kick off with a recap of last week’s crazy Wedding Ceremony. The video plays to yodeling music for some reason; instead of the Benny Hill music that I was hoping for.

Vickie Guerrero is backstage with Vince McMahon. Vince makes it official; Theodore suffered a heart attack. Vickie reveals that he is currently in a coma. Vince says that the show must go on, so he announces Vickie Guerrero as the General Manager of SmackDown. Vince goes to leave but runs right into Finlay (nice to see them finally having a confrontation); Vince brings up Hornswoggle. Vince asks for Finlay’s help regarding Hornswoggle as we cut to the opening video.

Tonight: Undertaker vs. Mark Henry.

Opening Contest: Torrie Wilson vs. Victoria
JBL keeps telling us he loves downloading Torrie. Amazing. Lock up and Victoria takes Wilson down. Victoria with a face lock. Wilson trips Victoria and steps over her. Wilson with a crossbody and an arm drag. Wilson gets a two count off of a school boy. Pinning bridge gets Wilson another pinfall attempt. On the outside, Victoria drops Wilson face first on the ring apron. Victoria with a suplex for a two count. Victoria tries for her TKO sideslam but Wilson rolls through with a sunset flip. Wilson with a headscissors takedown. Wilson with clotheslines. Interesting DDT gets Wilson a two count. Wilson tries for a sunset flip but Victoria grabs the ropes and gets the three count.
Winner: Victoria

Post match, a blonde woman is in the ring. She attacks Wilson and nails a backbreaker. As for the match; three out of ten if you’re going by SmackDown Diva Standards. The new diva has a very basic diva set up – skinny blonde wearing revealing clothes. Apparently it’s Krissy Vaine Whoever that is.

Commercials.

Tonight: JBL Interviews Rey Mysterio

Montel Vontavious Porter has his Lounge Segment thing. I was thinking today what Porter would be like as a face. I’m thinking it’s once of those ‘thank god he’s a heel’ kind of guys. It’s been one entire year since Porter officially joined the SmackDown roster. How time flies now that he’s got some good matches under he’s belt. Porter thinks it’s ironic how the man who brought so much heartache to others goes on to suffer a heart attack himself. Porter says he’s earned every single penny because he is simply better than everyone else. Porter goes on to say that capturing the tag team championships were refreshing. Matt Hardy interrupts. Hardy says he had to be there to help celebrate with Porter. Hardy shows a video package he had put together in honor of Porter. The video starts off with sentimental music and features Porter getting attacked and beaten. Porter gets angry but Hardy says he was just joking. Hardy has bought Porter a bottle of booze to celebrate his first year, and Hardy goes on to give Porter a toast; in which Hardy just begins insulting Porter. Porter calls security on Hardy. Before Hardy goes, he announces that tonight Porter will be wrestling Kane!

Still to come: Mark Henry vs. Undertaker

Commercials.

Video for Big Daddy V. Uh, okay.

Second Contest: Chuck Palumbo vs. Kenny Dykstra
Lock up and Palumbo nails a headlock takedown. Palumbo spinebusters Dykstra into the corners and nails a nice choke toss. Scoop slam by Palumbo. Palumbo misses an elbow drop. Dropkick gets Dykstra a two count. Dykstra with a stomp right to the face of Palumbo; Dykstra covers for a two count. Dykstra with a sleeper hold, but Palumbo rams him into the corner. Palumbo with a nice scoop slam to Dykstra. Palumbo hits a clothesline. Overhead belly to belly by Palumbo. Palumbo hits a running big boot and follows up with the Full Throttle for the victory.
Winner: Chuck Palumbo

Good little match there. Four out of Ten.

The Condemned DVD stuff.

Still to come: JBL interviews Rey Mysterio, and Kane vs. Montel Vontavious Porter

Commercials.

Jesse and Festus on debuting. Jesse is excited about their in-ring debut next week on SmackDown – Jesse says that Festus becomes a completely different person in the ring.

Punjabi Prison hype. Some nice visuals of the structure from last year’s Great American Bash. That’s followed by a recap of last week’s Batista / Khali brawl. Batista is backstage; he has no idea of how to prepare for the upcoming match. JBL says if he’s scared, then he should be honest about it. Good point. Batista says it’s dangerous locking Batista into a cage and being backed into a corner; that’s when people get hurt. Batista says he can’t wait for No Mercy, and that Khali will have to pry the belt from his cold dead hands.

Kane is walking around backstage.

Commercials.

Third Contest: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Kane
Lock up and Porter goes after the arm right away. Kane with a scoop slam on Porter. Porter with a headlock but Kane pushes Porter off; Porter goes into the ropes and comes back into a shoulder block. Porter drops Kane throat first on the top rope; Porter rolls into the ring but gets hit with a big boot. Porter off the ropes with a low dropkick to the knee of Kane. Porter off the ropes again but Kane grabs Porter y the throat and throws him into the corner. Kane goes for a suplex but Porter nails a DDT for a one count. Porter with a neckbreaker for another one count. Kane goes up top but misses the flying clothesline! Porter takes advantage and covers but only gets a two count.

Porter continues going after the arm. Kane with a big right hand in the corner. Kane irish whips Porter into the opposite corner; Kane charges but Porter ducks and Kane hits the corner. Porter goes for his running boot but Kane grabs the boot and clotheslines Porter down. Kane with a big shoulder body toss. Kane goes for the Chokeslam but Porter elbows Kane off! Porter rolls outside as we head to commercials.

Commercials.

We’re back and Porter has Kane in a full nelson variation. Porter comes off the ropes with a boot to the head of Kane for a two count. Porter with a nice face buster. Porter hits the running corner boot; which gets him a two count over Kane. Kane with a pair of running clotheslines in the corner, followed by a scoop slam for a two count. Kane goes up top, Porter tries for a superplex but Kane headbutts Porter off and nails a flying clothesline! Kane signals for the Chokeslam but Porter kicks Kane in the groin for the disqualification!
Winner: Kane

Probably their best match, by far. But considering how weak I think their feud last year was, that doesn’t say much. Six out of Ten.

Diva Search girls did Limbo. Hopefully, one of the more athletic girls will get the contract.

JBL interviews Rey Mysterio – next!

Commercials.

JBL is in the ring and introduces Rey Mysterio. JBL says that Mysterio will get hard ball questions – but Mysterio starts off by asking JBL why he hates Mysterio. JBL says he hates how he has to commentate on people who have half the talent he had. Mysterio says Layfield’s career is over. Mysterio tells Layfield to either put up or shut up. Layfield says he’s looked far to this for a year and a half, but Mysterio should be more worried about his match against Khali next week. Layfield shoves Mysterio down, so Mysterio hits him with the 619. Well who didn’t see that coming? Mysterio with a seated senton, but Finlay attacks Mysterio with the shillelagh!

Commercials.

Vickie Guerrero is backstage with Hornswoggle. She says she loved what he did on RAW, but tells him that winning the Cruiser Weight Championship was a fluke. Vickie says that he’s a target, and that being a McMahon makes him an even bigger target. She’s concerned with his safety. Vickie says that if Hornswoggle got hurt, she’d never be able to live with herself – and that Vince and Finlay would never forgive her. Vickie says that Hornswoggle needs to advocate the Cruiser Weight Championship – but she’s very apologetic about it. Nice way to end his reign, and it makes sense too.

Fourth Contest: Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore
Noble attacks Moore to start. Noble runs into a dropkick by Moore. Moore with an inverted atomic drop and side kick to Noble. Noble ducks a baseball slide by Moore. Moore jumps off the top rope with a crossbody but Noble turns it into a gutbuster. Noble tries for a Boston Crab, but only locks it in after Moore gets to the ropes. Moore with a series of rights, and a neckbreaker follows shortly afterwards. Moore with a nice spinning heel kick. Noble drops Moore face first on the canvas. Double knee gutbuster gets Noble the three count.
Winner: Jamie Noble

Not bad; quite quick, however. Three out of Ten.

Commercials.

Only a week and a half away from No Mercy, and there’s a grand total of three matches announced.

Khali is backstage and he yells at the camera. Singh says that Batista will be a caged animal at No Mercy. Next week, Rey Mysterio can run away from the Great Khali, but Batista cannot at No Mercy.

Mark Henry makes his entrance.

Commercials.

Main Event: Mark Henry vs. The Undertaker
Henry escapes the ring quickly. Taker joins him and Henry gets the advantage with punches. Back in the ring, Henry nails Taker with a few punches but runs into a boot by Taker. Taker with shoulder blocks and goes for the old school but Henry catches Taker. Henry puts Taker in the corner and nails a running splash. The pair exchange rights but Taker comes off the ropes into a clothesline by Henry. Henry misses a splash when Taker does the sit up. The pair begin exchanging rights again, with Taker getting the advantage. Taker off the ropes with the flying lariat. Taker gets a pair of running clotheslines in the corner. Taker tries for a chokeslam but Henry fights him off. Taker again goes for the Chokeslam, and hits it! Taker covers and gets the easy three count.
Winner: The Undertaker

Hey, that was pretty quick. One out of Ten. Taker poses and that’s how we end the show.

The Inside Pulse
Victoria defeats Torrie Wilson: 3/10
Chuck Palumbo defeats Kenny Dykstra: 4/10
Kane defeats Montel Vontavious Porter: 6/10
Jamie Noble defeats Shannon Moore: 3/10
The Undertaker defeats Mark Henry: 1/10
SmackDown 28/09/07: 17/50

I’ve seen worse shows. The show looks like it has a good direction, but nothing which makes me want to see No Mercy. Right now it looks like I’ll be saving my money and ordering Bound For Glory instead. Possibly. Anyways. As far as this week’s show goes, there were some nice bits such as the Vickie segments, the JBL/Mysterio interview segment, and the MVP segments. But still nothing that’s need to watch. Until next week, have a good one!

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