By Paul Marshall
RAW opens up with a video reminding us what happened last week. We were supposed to have a coronation ceremony, but that was interrupted with some Sweet Chin Music.
We go inside William Regal’s office. Randy Orton enters the ring and explains that he was wronged by Shawn Michaels. He asks that William Regal makes it right by having Randy Orton compete tonight. He asks for a triple threat match between Mr. Kennedy, Jeff Hardy, & Shawn Michaels tonight. William says that he has already made his decision and will make an announcement.
“To Be Loved†plays, signaling the start of RAW! We are LIVE TAPED from the United Kingdom and William Regal makes his way out to the ring, receiving a huge ovation from his countrymen. William is happy to be back in England and he promises a great show tonight. I’ll hold him to that. He says that the WWE Champion likes things in threes, so tonight he will face Jeff Hardy, Mr. Kennedy, & Shawn Michaels in separate singles matches! Our first match is Champion v. Champion Jeff Hardy versus Randy Orton!
Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy v. WWE Champion Randy Orton
Randy Orton looks disappointed as he walks down the aisle. He stares down Jeff Hardy as his confidence slowly begins to rise. The fans are pro-Hardy tonight as both men look for the advantage. They tie up and Orton pushes Hardy into the corner. Whip to the opposite corner he misses and Hardy nails an armdrag, holding onto the wrist. Hardy avoids Orton as he runs the ropes. On the rebound, he clotheslines Orton over the top, followed by a baseball slide. PLANCHA over the top and both men are down on the outside as we head to a break.
Commercials.
We are back and Randy Orton has Jeff Hardy in a headlock. During the break, Hardy ate a dropkick on the ring apron. Hardy tries to fight out of the headlock and he does. He runs into a powerslam for two. We get a scroll that after RAW is over, the entire card will be online at WWE.com. Meanwhile, Orton continues to maintain control of the match as Hardy tries to fight. Hardy nails a clothesline out of desperation and the two are fighting for position. Hardy gets on the offense and he is whipped to the corner WHISPER IN THE WIND! That gets two as Hardy continues to mount the momentum. Mr. Kennedy runs in to distract Hardy, who is taken off his perch by Orton. RKO is academic and Randy wins match #1!
Winner: WWE Champion Randy Orton
Match Rating: *** – I really enjoyed this match very nice opening match.
At the announcer’s desk, Jerry “The King†Lawler casts his vote for Jeff Hardy. They run down the rest of Orton’s contests for later on tonight.
Commercials.
We are back on RAW as Santino Marella and Maria make their way out from the back. Santino is wrestling tonight as it appears that Maria is happy to be with Santino again. She’s wearing a nice outfit tonight. Santino is glad to be back in Europe and Maria is more important to him. He says that everyone is upset because they finished The Condemned. He is interrupted by Val Venis as there is no previous engagement that will stop Val from exacting his revenge on Santino. He whips the towel out and the two BRAWL in the center of the ring. Marella takes and reverses a whip to the corner. Venis on top, but is taken down in a Tree of Woe. Marella continues to work on Val’s legs as he kicks out at two. Marella is back on the attack, applying a half Boston Crab on the BAD LEG! Val is in pain, but pain doesn’t stop him as he reaches the ropes. Marella walks into a chop, but he continues to work on the leg. Venis is back up, taking it to Marella as Maria cheers her man on. Sunset flip by Venis fails as Santino uses the ropes to get the win!
Winner: Santino Marella
Match Rating: **1/2 – Nice use of ring psychology by Santino Marella. I wished that the match was longer, but not bad for what we seen.
It’s Diva Search time as the Diva hopefuls are practicing CPR. They should have used me as the dummy because that is cool. The next competition involves the sexy diva wannabes playing “Officer Bikiniâ€Â, a code name I made up.
Backstage, Coach makes fun of Carlito’s small apple. Carlito turns and cracks the jokes back at Coach, saying that Hornswoggle beat him with his own cane. He has a plan for Hornswoggle, but he needs to find him at the right place and the right time. What better time than the present? Hornswoggle is behind them and he takes the apple! He waves at Coach before making like a banana and split. Coach gives chase as we take another break.
Commercials.
We are back as Hornswoggle enters the catering room and he causes a mess. He jumps on Coach and takes him down on a table. We are having fun in United Kingdom tonight!
We go back to last week where Triple H was left a beaten and bloody man at the hands of Umaga after the match involving the two mentioned men and Randy Orton. After the video plays, Vince is admiring Regal’s office as Regal comes in. Vince asks Regal how old the Queen is? He also says that Regal has great matchmaking skills and asks where Triple H. They play around with Umaga and Yoo-man-ga as we prepare for Randy Orton and Mr. Kennedy next!
Commercials.
We are back and it is time for the second match of the Orton Triathlon.
WWE Champion Randy Orton v. Mr. Kennedy
Kennedy gets the support from the English as Randy Orton makes his way to the ring. The bell rings and both men look for position. They lock up as both men make no movement. Side headlock by Randy, countered by Kennedy to a rollup for two. Kennedy with a side headlock as Orton fights out. Orton runs into a shoulderblock for two and they work in another headlock spot. Orton fights out and he takes it to Kennedy in the corner. Kennedy gets out of the corner and avoids the DROPKICK OF DOOM! Kennedy nails the punches and Orton nails a jab in the midsection before taking Kennedy down. Orton stomps away until Kennedy pulls at the trunks to send him to the turnbuckle/pin attempt for two. Orton nails a backbreaker to buy some time. They get back up and Kennedy nails the Green Bay Plunge! Jeff Hardy returns the favor, nailing Kennedy to draw the DQ!
Winner via DQ: Mr. Kennedy
Match Rating: ** – Gotta go lower here because they barely had enough time to really get things going. I see it as a way to protect Orton since he is triple-booked. Good match up to the interference.
Randy isn’t out of the woods yet as he gets Shawn Michaels tonight!
Commercials.
Business has picked up as Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring. He amazes himself with the concept of Cyber Sunday. He plays it off as a WWE Fan’s dream come true. Remember, only YOU can decide! At Cyber Sunday, Triple H takes on the One Man Wrecking Crew Umaga! Color me thrilled. Vince asks for a referee out here and we have an UNKNOWN person in the ring! One stipulation that can be chosen at Cyber Sunday is a Street Fight. The unknown person is Andy Simmons, a UK native. He is afraid
Umaga v. Andy Simmons – Street Fight
As you expect, Umaga sends Simmons out of the ring and he chokes him out with the cable wire. He throws him onto the announcer’s table and he looks like he will destroy Simmons tonight. He brings a chair into the ring and he nails a Samoan Drop onto the chair for the three count.
Winner: Umaga
Match Rating: CRAP – Blah
The referees take out Simmons, but Vince isn’t finished with him yet. He says that another stipulation that the fans can choose for Triple H/Umaga is a First Blood Match.
Umaga v. Andy Simmons – First Blood
Umaga starts off with a diving headbutt, follows off with the Rear End Collision, and finishes this demonstration off with the Samoan Spike times ten. Ouch. How much is he being paid for this?
Winner: Umaga
Match Rating: CRAP times five
Vince feels some sympathy as they take him away. But wait there’s more. There’s a third stipulation a steel cage match. Umaga throws the poor man inside the steel cage and it lowers. We get a replay with McMahon pretending that Andy Simmons is Triple H. Umaga gets inside the cage
Umaga v. Andy Simmons – Steel Cage
As I watch this, I can’t think of anything to say about this. As you can imagine, Umaga bashes the kid’s head into the cage as McMahon asks for more. Umaga nails a military press into the cage and he escapes the cage.
Winner: Umaga
Match Rating: Kill me I am amazed at how bad things can get. Andy Simmons is no Triple H and I bet you that Triple H will be victorious at Cyber Sunday.
Commercials.
We are back as Hornswoggle finds a tricycle to ride on. Coach gets on a bike and chases after him. Ron Simmons observes and he says it
DAMN!
Jillian Hall makes her way to the ring for a match. She has a microphone and she says that Lillian Garcia’s performance was pathetic and that she was pulling a Britney Spears. We get a replay of the performance, which I thought was awesome. That’s me, though. The fans cheer for Lillian as Jillian continues to put Lillian down. Tonight, Jillian wants to sing a cappella for the British. I want to mute the television, but Candice Michelle has a new opening video and thankfully interrupts Jillian.
Candice Michelle v. Jillian Hall
The match starts as Jillian nails Candice before entering the ring. She gets on the early offensive, but Candice nails a spinning kick, followed by a kick to the gut. The Candy Wrapper finishes the match!
Winner: Candice Michelle
Rating: * – Candice saved me from muting the TV, and the match was okay for the minute it lasted.
Backstage, Beth Phoenix informs us that Candice will use her rematch clause next week. She says that next week Candice will get down on her knees to worship the Glamazon.
More backstage fun as Hardcore Holly comes into Cody Rhodes’ locker room. He asks Cody why he has asked for the match. He slaps Cody hard in the face to get him fired up.
Commercials.
SmackDown Rebound: Finlay and Rey Mysterio got disqualified and Undertaker gets named #1 Contender to Batista’s World Heavyweight Championship! You can choose Steve Austin, Mick Foley, or JBL as the special referee for this Cyber Sunday match!
The World Tag Team Champions, Lance Cade and Trever Murdoch, are inside the ring. Brian Kendrick and Paul London enter the ring. Last week, Paul London injured his back during their match with the Highlanders.
Brian Kendrick v. Rory McCallister
Cade and Murdoch take the headsets for this match. The match starts as Kendrick gets him some of Rory McCallister. McCallister gets a headbutt to take control back. He stomps a hole on Kendrick for a two. Boot to the back is followed by more stomps. Kendrick is knocked out of the ring as Cade & Murdoch rule on commentary. Inside the ring, McCallister gets a chokehold on Kendrick. Kendrick tries to fight back, but is taken down. Cade & Murdoch are officially named the Redneck Wrecking Crew by the King! Nice kick to the face by Kendrick as London prevents a double team by Robbie. Rory nails a springboard reverse suplex for the victory.
Winner: Rory McCallister
Match Rating: **1/2 – Cade & Murdoch ruled on commentary.
Post match, the Highlanders stare down at the Redneck Wrecking Crew. After that, we go into the same video that opened up the show tonight. Randy Orton as a One Man Dynasty is cool, if the WWE does this right.
Tonight Shawn Michaels takes on Randy Orton!
Commercials.
We are back as Todd Grisham interviews Shawn Michaels. His return was only the beginning as everywhere Randy goes, Shawn will be not far behind. He can’t kill what he did not create as Shawn Michaels guarantees that Randy will lose more teeth at Cyber Sunday.
Hornswoggle runs inside the Divas Locker room and steals some lingerie. Coach follows him inside and gets pelted with lots of lingerie. Awesome segment.
Initalize Code REV_2:25..SAVE_US.229; 2ND_COMING; UPON_US the longest binary code and it is finally acknowledged by the announcers!
Hornswoggle runs ringside and under the ring. Coach has a detonating device underneath the ring as this was his plan all along. He detonates .nothing. It’s a DUD HA HA! Coach investigates underneath the ring as Hornswoggle emerges. He runs inside the ring and he detonates the device! Everything goes crazy as Coach emerges a victim of Hornswoggle.
Up Next Cody Rhodes v. Hardcore Holly!
Commercials.
The Stay in the Game Moment: Cody Rhodes twice to Hardcore Holly.
Cody Rhodes v. Hardcore Holly
Cody Rhodes’ music rocks as he gets ready to try to earn Holly’s respect. The match starts and the two jockey for position. Holly tosses Rhodes out, but he holds onto the ropes and gets back in. Holly nails some chops and Cody returns the favor. Rhodes nails a crossbody for a two count, as Holly gets back on the offense. Holly takes and he nails some vicious chops across the chest. He gets an armdrag takedown into a headlock as Rhodes tries to get back on his feet. He gets clubbed back to the canvas. Rhodes tied up at the ropes and a kick to the gut. Alabamaslam try COUNTERED to a rollup for two. A series of rollups follow as Holly takes back control. Holly nails a kick, followed by a dropkick and he goes to the top. Cody is up as Holly nails the crossbody, but Cody ROLLS THROUGH for two. Holly nails a quick Alabamaslam for the victory.
Winner: Hardcore Holly
Match Rating: *** – Best match between them so far.
Post match, Holly looks at Cody as he gets back up. Holly looks surprised that he got a fight tonight.
Commercials.
We are back and the UK is partying like there’s no tomorrow! Shawn Michaels is back in action after being taken out by Randy Orton five months ago!
Shawn Michaels v. WWE Champion Randy Orton
We have already hit the 11PM (Eastern) hour, so this will be very interesting. The bell rings and Michaels is on the offensive from the start! Orton goes to the outside, but Michaels follows. Back inside the ring and Michaels is really on FIRE tonight. Michaels Chops the chest and he gets whipped to the ropes. He floats through a suplex attempt and Orton finally gets some offense in. Michaels is on top as Orton looks to do a Superplex. Michaels fights him off and he nails the diving elbow! He tunes up the band and the Opportunist, Mr. Kennedy, interrupts things.
Winner via DQ: Shawn Michaels
Match Rating: *1/2 – It only lasted three minutes, can’t complain too much.
Kennedy and Orton beat down on Michaels until Jeff Hardy evens things up. Hardy and Kennedy go at it until Orton tosses Hardy out. Orton goes for the RKO, but he is sent to Kennedy, knocking him out of the ring! SWEET CHIN MUSIC on Orton as Michaels is the man of the night tonight!
Show Over.
The Inside Pulse
Match Results
Randy Orton d. Jeff Hardy (***)
Santino Marella d. Val Venis (**1/2)
Mr. Kennedy d. Randy Orton via DQ (**)
Umaga d. Andy Simmons 3X (CRAP)
Candice Michelle d. Jillian Hall (*)
Rory McCallister d. Brian Kendrick (**1/2)
Hardcore Holly d. Cody Rhodes (***)
Shawn Michaels d. Randy Orton (*1/2)
