MORRISSEY OPENER FIRED OVER LEWD COMMENT

Morrissey has fired and replaced two-piece band KRISTEENYOUNG after the lead singer—also named Kristeen Young, but set as two words and not in all caps—made a lewd sexual comment about him while on-stage at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York last Tuesday.

Possibly miffed that the crowd was a little over-eager for them to wrap up their set, chanting for Morrissey just a few songs into it, Young shouted, “Morrissey gives good head, I mean, er, cunnilingus…” The comment wasn’t really met with much of a reaction from the crowd (who may have actually been trying to tune her out), though Morrissey apparently didn’t find it the least bit entertaining, as the band was replaced with San Antonio rockers Girl in a Coma just a few days later.

According to attendees of said show, KRISTEENYOUNG was apparently getting booed throughout their entire set, most of which contained unintelligable songs and other various spoutings and for the most part was absolute crap. If that’s the case, chances are this was the final straw to get them booted from the tour.

Kristeen Young herself posted a statement on the band’s Web site:

My band, KRISTEENYOUNG, have been asked to leave the Morrissey tour. Although, I have been advised not to respond or issue a statement, my feelings are that I must.

We have been asked to leave because of something I said on stage at The Hammerstein Ballroom, in New York City, this past Tuesday night. Unfortunately, the statement has been perceived as being profane (when, actually, one of the two words in question is a scientific term found in junior high, health class text books, and the other word, I feel most would agree, is lightweight slang) or defamatory. What I said was part of a thread of stage statements I made throughout our set. They were metaphorical and overstated to make an artistic point. The “offending” statement, in particular, was in no way a literal statement, and was very much in keeping with the tone of my writing in general. I reach for beauty and intelligence in my lyrics, but try to retain a bit of the everyday in them. Maybe the statement was a bit TOO everyday. Maybe I misjudged… but I meant no harm.

I love Morrissey with all of my heart, soul, body, spirit, to the core of my existence and always will. These will be the only words I will ever write or speak on the subject ever again. Please don’t ask for an interview or e-mail me with questions.

What does that mean? I never found “cunnilingus” in my junior high health book, but maybe Misters Houghton and Mifflin were the only ones out of the textbook publishing industry to found it obscene—you never know. In fact, the first time I ever saw the word (as well as “analingus”) was probably around the same time, though it was in an edition of my dad’s Playboy in the ever-so-enlightening “Playboy Advisor” column (yes, even as a child, I also read Playboy for the articles).

It could obviously be argued that Morrissey’s no stranger to sexually suggestive comments, as his lyrics would dictate, it’s also worth mentioning that he’s always been something of a prima donna, or an eccentric fellow at the very least. A comment like this seems a wee bit disrespectful, even if it wasn’t meant to be, and I’m not the least bit surprised that Morrissey decided to can the bitch. It’s his tour, after all. Who knows? Maybe in actuality, the tour picked up some Dunkin’ Donuts and he got pissed off when she took the last strawberry-frosted. You never know. Either way, when she’s not spouting absolute gibberish and using those god-damned smart quotes (which I had to change, thankyaveddymuch), Kristeen Young can be found floating around in the septic tank of unsigned bands, which she is no doubt destined to stay for the longevity of her band.

(WENN.com, BrooklynVegan.com)