The SmarK 24/7 Rant for Primetime Wrestling – August 24 1987

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The SmarK 24/7 Rant for Prime Time Wrestling – August 24 1987

– Hosted by Gorilla & the Brain.

The Rougeaus v. The Shadows

Hey, the Shadows are fighting someone other than Roma & Powers this week! Good lord, it’s the dream commentary team of Don Muraco and Lanny Poffo again. Ray fights for a wristlock with Skinny Shadow and then double-teams both Shadows, but Fat Shadow hits him with a powerslam. The Rougeaus bring Fat into their corner and work the leg, however, and Jacques holds an anklelock until he gets shoved into the heel corner and beat up. Skinny slams him for two. Fat comes in with a clothesline and stomps away, into a neckbreaker for two. Lanny Poffo reminds me of a commentator from the 50s or something with his overblown delivery and archaic move names. If he could have found a good color commentator, he might have had potential. Jacques skins the cat and fights off the Shadows, and it’s hot tag Raymond. Nice spot sees him backdrop one Shadow into the other one, and La Bombe De Les Rougeaus finishes at 5:42. Pretty standard tag stuff here. *1/2

One Man Gang v. Outback Jack

Joined in progress from a house show. They slug it out and Gang misses a charge, but he’s still able to pound Jack down and drop knees by the ropes. With the back having been stomped on, he goes to a bearhug and that goes on for a while. Jack fights out, but runs into a clothesline, and the gourdbuster finishes for the Gang at 5:24. I don’t believe Jack stuck around much longer after this. 1/2*

– Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura informs Johnny V. that he’s out of the running for Bam Bam Bigelow.

– Let us take you back to Superstars, as Bobby Heenan brings out Paul Orndorff to give his honest opinion on Rick Rude’s body and how happy he is to have Rude as a part of the Bobby Heenan Family. However, Paul has had ENOUGH of Bobby, and he’s FIRED. Oh, and his new manager is Oliver Humperdink. The crowd is certainly quick to forgive after months of beating up Hulk Hogan, but it was the 80s, so what can ya do?

Chris Curtis v. ??? Washington.

This is pretty great, because it’s supposed to be Curtis against Ted Dibiase, but Ted declares that he’s too rich and powerful to wrestle jobbers, and so hires this Washington kid to do his work for him. Curtis actually beats the crap out of him and pins him with a backbreaker, which naturally upsets Dibiase, who assaults his “protégé” after the loss and takes his money back. What a great gimmick.

– Randy Savage cuts a promo crazier than most, even by his own standards, finishing with a couple of Cactus Jack “Bang bangs” while running back and forth in front of Mean Gene. What the FUCK was that? Gorilla and Bobby are about as confused as I am over that one.

Junkyard Dog v. Outlaw Ron Bass

Bass gets a slam to start, but Dog comes back with headbutts and it’s a standoff. Dog gets another headbutt and sends Bass running backwards into the post, and he bails to regroup. Bass comes back with a necksnap and stomps away. Back elbow gets two. Dog slugs back, but tries a blind charge and hits boot instead, and that gets two for Bass. Dog headbutts him down as the stuttering Muraco sounds like he’s drunker than Bobby Heenan on commentary. When Lanny Poffo is holding the commentary together, it’s a trainwreck. They choke each other until the ref breaks them up, allowing Bass to get a cheapshot over the top. He drops a knee for two. Dog fights back and headbutts Bass out of the ring again. Bass tries to headbutt him on the way in, but that’s pretty stupid. Back in and Dog rings the ears for two. Bass bails again and yanks Dog out for the slugfest, and it’s a countout for both at 8:04. This one passed the Lame Barrier about 2 minutes in and never looked back. 1/4*

Nikolai Volkoff v. Jerry Allen

Volkoff pounds away and chokes Allen out in the corner, as we’ve now added Craig DeGeorge to the Muraco/Poffo commentary team. Allen slugs back and gets a sunset flip for two, then an atomic drop and legdrop for two. They brawl outside and Volkoff sends him into the post, but Allen fights in with a sunset flip for two. Dropkick and Allen slugs away on the mat. A kind of flapjack gets two. Blind charge misses in dramatic fashion, and Volkoff quickly finishes with the backbreaker at 6:56. Just a very extended squash, more or less. ** Dunno why they were still bothering to keep Volkoff strong at that point, since fans would have easily bought an Allen win here.

Rick Martel v. Barry Horowitz.

Martel was still between partners at this point. Martel evades Barry to start with a cartwheel, and then takes him down with a headscissors. Barry goes after the arm, but Martel comes back with a dropkick and gets his own armbar. Crossbody out of the corner finishes at 2:25. The Islanders head out to make threats after that gruelling win and engage in the beatdown, but Tito Santana makes the save to reinvent his career yet again and create Strike Force. Now here’s a general question I’ve always wondered about: Did Vince put the tag belts on them so fast (about two months after their formation as a team) because they were so over, or just as a “screw you” to Tom Zenk?

Butch Reed v. Jim Evans

Reed pounds Evans down and drops an elbow for two, but picks him up. He tosses Evans and rams him into the post, and back in for the gorilla slam to finish at 2:34. He gets cocky and calls out Superstar Billy Graham, but Graham quickly answers and runs him off.

Brutus Beefcake v. “King” Harley Race

Race grabs a headlock, but Brutus quickly reverses to the sleeper and then clotheslines him to the floor. Race takes one of his usual weird bumps, falling back off a right hand and landing with a flat bump on the stairs, and Brutus yanks him back in and slugs him down. Race goes low with a headbutt, but Brutus clotheslines him and sends him to the floor off a corner whip. Race is just bumping all over the place here. We take a break and return with Race headbutting his way into the ring and dropping an elbow for two. Neckbreaker gets two. Brutus comes back with a suplex for two, but misses an elbow, allowing Race to get a belly to belly for two. Race keeps headbutting Brutus, but misses a falling one. This begs the question: Why would headbutting a skull be fine, but headbutting a soft mat knock you out? Anyway, physics aside, Beefcake slugs back and chokes Race out on the ropes, and Race takes another crazy bump to the floor after hanging upside-down on the top rope. They brawl on the floor and Brutus gets the upper hand, and slugs away back in the ring. This prompts more bumps from Race, and sets up the sleeper. Race quickly dumps him to break, and brings him back in for the fisherman’s suplex. Brutus reverses to the sleeper in mid-air, but breaks to go after Heenan. Race knees him from behind and pins him at 11:21. Hey, a clean finish on a TV match AND a pushed guy doing a job in the same match? What program am I watching? Heenan eats the sleeper himself and nearly gets a haircut, but Race saves him and then narrowly escapes a haircut. This was a pretty darn good match for the time with some great bumps from Race. ***

Pretty entertaining show this week, despite the amount of squashes. Lots of angle advancement evens things out and Bobby Heenan was in fine form back in the studio.