The SmackDown Report

Theodore Long starts the show in the ring, and is in charge again because Vickie Guerrero got injured at the Royal Rumble thanks to Rey Mysterio. Theodore Long announces … the Elimination Chamber! Pretend to be shocked. Theodore Long makes the Elimination Chamber sound so anticlimactic. Long announces the entrants to be Batista, The Great Khali, Finlay, Montel Vontavious Porter, Big Daddy V and The Undertaker. Long then announces Edge vs. Rey Mysterio at No Way Out. So, is this reward for taking Vickie out or something? Edge runs down to the ring and gets annoyed about Mysterio getting a rematch (noting the obvious logic hole there that he injured Vickie). Edge says he’d take on Khali or V before Mysterio. Long says he feels bad for Vickie, but the match is still on … See, children, Theodore Long is a douchebag. Remember that.


Career Threatening Match: Ric Flair vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
I can’t believe people have been rating Flair vs. Porter from the Rumble so highly. Headlock and shoulder block stuff ends in Flair hitting Porter with a hip toss. Roll up by Porter for a two count. Porter takes Flair into the corner for rights and lefts. Shoulder body toss by Porter. Porter gets the boot to the head of Flair and covers for a two count. Porter goes after the arm of Flair. Flair with chops but Porter gets a drop toe hold. Porter with a backslide for a two count. Porter clotheslines Flair for a two count. Porter with a double arm suplex for a two count. Flair tries to shove Porter away, but Porter knocks him right down. Flair blocks some punches, but Porter knocks him down and covers for another two count. Flair misses the corner boot, and Flair chops the back of Porter’s knee. Flair stomps on the knee of Porter and goes for the Figure Four, but Porter kicks him off. Flair goes for the Figure Four again, Porter goes to block it but Flair applies it – but Porter right away turns it around! Nice! Flair gets to the ropes, and Porter refuses to break it and gets disqualified …
Winner: Ric Flair

Post match, Porter introduces Flair’s knee into the steel post, and kicks the steel steps into Flair‘s knee. Very nice ending to an otherwise dull match. Two out of Ten. I really just don’t care when these two are in the ring against each other, most Flair matches nowadays since Flair constantly has the obvious win already. I’m very apathetic to the matches between these two, although the segments are quality. If it weren’t for their great VIP Lounge a few weeks back, then I’d much rather seeing Flair do impressive feats to finalize his career – beating Khali, Big Daddy V, Undertaker – as opposed to a couple of interchangeable mid carders and semi main eventers.


Coach and Cole hype the RAW Elimination Chamber.

Flair gets medical attention on his knee backstage. I hope this leads to a big irony thing – Flair working people’s knees for some long, and then at the ending of his career his own knee is screwed … That counts as irony, right?

Chuck Palumbo rides out to the ring, getting a dubbed reaction from the fans. Palumbo says that he and McCool were doing fine until Noble came along, and that he had no choice but to beat the hell out of Noble. Whose bright idea was it to give Palumbo a microphone?! Palumbo bores me for a while longer before saying he wants to apologise to Michelle McCool. I do love it how they publicly air their dirty laundry. McCool looks different somehow – though it could just be what she’s wearing. McCool says she doesn’t think he mean anything he’s saying and slaps him. The slap gets the biggest reaction out of the entire promo. Palumbo says everything is her fault – all the losses, what happens to Jamie Noble, disease, famine, pestilence, Joan Rivers – but he’ll make her watch as he obliterates Jamie Noble. Please, someone get Chuck Palumbo a mouthpiece.


Rey Mysterio and CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero and Edge
Anyone else think Punk might suit a little Gomez Addams mo? Guerrero and Punk start. Lock up and Punk goes after the arm of Guerrero before tagging out to Mysterio. Mysterio and Guerrero wrestle before Punk tags back in. Edge gets tagged in. Edge is reluctant to go in against Punk, but locks up and sends Punk into the corner. Punk with a hiptoss and a headlock takedown to Edge. Edge escapes the headlock, clubs Punk down before tagging out to Guerrero. Guerrero with an uppercut to Punk. Punk goes for the high knee but Edge gets Guerrero out of the way and Punk falls to the outside.


We’re back and Edge has Punk in a reverse bear hug. Punk escapes but comes off the ropes into a flapjack by Edge for a one count. Guerrero in with a baseball slide to Punk. Guerrero locks in an abdominal stretch on Punk, but Punk escapes and hits an enziguri! Edge and Mysterio in. Mysterio gets Edge with a flying cross body off the top rope. Mysterio gets a leg drop on Edge for a two count. Mysterio with a springboard moonsault for a two count. Mysterio goes to vault into the ring but Edge dropkicks Mysterio down to the mats outside.

Edge whips Mysterio into the turnbuckle hard. Guerrero in and he instantly goes after the injured knee of Mysterio. Mysterio gets a dropkick to Guerrero, but it isn’t enough to turn the tide as Guerrero regains control before tagging out to Edge. Mysterio gets up but Edge boots him right back down for a two count. Mysterio bites the hand of Edge, and begins fighting Edge and Guerrero off. Edge accidentally flips Mysterio into Guerrero, and Mysterio then takes out Edge with a head scissors! Hot tag to Punk!

Punk in with the grand hot tag stuff. Punk successfully jumps off the top rope this week, connecting with a flying clothesline to Guerrero for a two count. High knee and bulldog almost connects, but Edge goes for a spear on Punk! Punk jumps and Edge almost collides with Guerrero. Edge and Guerrero set up for the 619, but Edge rolls outside. Mysterio 619s Guerrero and follows up with a springboard moonsault to Edge on the outside. Go To Sleep on Guerrero for the three count.
Winners: CM Punk and Rey Mysterio

Very hot finish and a steady match throughout. Punk and Mysterio both do the belt around the waist schtick afterwards. Seven out of Ten.

Still to come tonight: Kane and The Undertaker vs. Big Daddy V and Mark Henry. Wow, a match bound to be that good?! What’ve I done to be graced this, uh, graciously?

Commercials. Comedy Channel is finally getting Adult Swim – pity I’ve seen enough Robot Chicken to make me sick.

Finlay and Hornswoggle run into Vince McMahon. McMahon says that they’re beginning to disappoint him, especially after what happened in the Rumble. Finlay says what he did was out of friendship and loyalty. McMahon calls him stupid.

Finlay and Hornswoggle vs. Deuce and Domino w/ Cherry
Remember the days when they cared about Deuce and Domino? Domino and Finlay start. Lock up and Finlay gets a headlock to Domino. Finlay off the ropes with a shoulder block, and Cherry tries to trip Finlay but doesn’t work. Finlay clotheslines Domino, knocks Deuce off the apron, and allows Hornswoggle to look up her dress before the pair trip her over … Classy. Finlay clotheslines Deuce into the audience, before PUTTING DEUCE UNDER THE RING APRON! Reminds me of good times! Celtic Cross to Domino and a Tadpole Splash ends this.
Winners: Finlay and Hornswoggle

-Three out of Ten. I did enjoy the fact that Finlay went old school with putting Domino under the ring apron. Cole and Coach were saying that Finlay was all business and no games tonight, I suppose something got lost in booking translation.


RAW Rebound: Cena / Orton stuff. I, just like everyone else, was absolutely shocked to see John Cena return.

Eve Torress is the new interviewer chick, and tonight she’s interviewing Batista. Eve asks Batista about the Elimination Chamber. Batista welcomes her to SmackDown. Batista talks about how he was eliminated from the Rumble by two men he considers good friends – Cena and HHH. Batista calls the Elimination Chamber his second or last chance to compete for the World Heavy Weight Championship match at WrestleMania. He’s the only man in the SmackDown Match who has taken part in an Elimination Chamber (New Years Revolution). Batista says he’s going right into WrestleMania to reclaim the World Heavy Weight Championship and tosses down the microphone … and poses. Typical Batista promo.


Jesse is backstage and says that by the grace of god and miracle of medicine, Festus is better! Next week, they’re returning to SmackDown!

Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder vs. Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore
Yang and Hawkins start. Lock up and Hawkins with a hiptoss to Yang. Lock up and another hiptoss. Lock up and Hawkins goes behind before targeting the arm, but Yang gets a brief hammerlock on Yang. Yang with dose dere kicks of his for a brief pinfall over Hawkins. Moore tagged in, and Ryder gets tagged in as well. Moore with elbows to Hawkins and Ryder, tags out to Yang. Moore with a suplex to Ryder and Yang with a senton for a two count. Atomic drop on Ryder, who secretly tags in Hawkins. Hawkins stomps and covers for a two count. Ryder back in and puts pressure in the head and neck of Yang before applying a facelock. Ryder knocks Moore off the apron and turns into a shoulder body toss by Yang. Hawkins tagged in, and he nails a jumping knee to the back of Yang. Hawkins gets a headlock on Yang. Ryder back in with a neck breaker for a two count on Yang.

Ryder goes up top and … something happens, Ryder went for a cross body but Yang looked like he wanted an atomic drop or something. Anyways. After some stuff, Ryder comes in and NOW they get the spot – turns out they should’ve went for the atomic drop. Moore gets the hot tag and gets some kicks to the heels. Hurricanrana on Hawkins. Yang jumps to the outside with a nice heel kick to Ryder. Moore goes up top and misses the corkscrew moonsault! Hawkins with the lifting reverse DDT for the three count.
Winners: Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder

Apart from the blown spot and having gone a bit too long, this was a alright match. Nothing offensive, but my attention kind of waned. Four out of Ten. Hawkins and Ryder’s theme music sucks, by the way.

Up next: Kane and Undertaker vs. Mark Henry and Big Daddy V


Man, I am beginning to get so tired right around now … entrances for the main event happen.

Commercials. Kahmal’s commercial for the Boogeyman is awesome. I told you that they have Kahmal advertising WWE, right?

Kane and The Undertaker vs. Mark Henry and Big Daddy V
Kane’s entrance in the new set looks great, or at least it would if it weren’t for the blue pole. Kane and Henry start the match, and Kane goes right after Henry’s leg. Kane sends Henry into his own corner, and Taker tags himself in. Taker goes for Old School early on, but Matt Striker provides enough distraction for Henry to send Taker into the middle of the ring – Taker lands on his feet and big boots Henry down. Kane back in. Henry gets a splash in the corner, and V gets tagged in. V with a chop and a few punches to Kane. Kane fights V off temporarily, but V sends Kane back into the corner. Kane begins fighting off V, and Taker tags in. Yawn. Taker walks into the clothesline by V, and Henry gets tagged back in. Henry runs into a big boot by Taker, and Kane tags in. Kane with running clotheslines in the corner, and he hit’s the flying clothesline on Henry.

Henry slams Kane face first into the announcer’s table before returning back to the ring. V tagged back in. V keeps Kane in the corner for the running charge. Henry in with a bear hug to Kane. Kane’s lucky, he can pass out during this match – I have to finish recapping it. Henry puts Kane in the corner but runs into a boot. Kane with a not-so-impressive second rope flying clothesline to Henry. Taker tagged in with rights to Henry. Taker with the running splashes to Henry. Old school on Henry. Taker attacks V and nails Henry with a running DDT, with V breaking up the pinfall. Taker and Kane double choke slam V. Taker with a choke slam to Henry, and the throat bleeder (vicious name, huh?) makes Henry tap out.
Winners: Kane and The Undertaker

Horrible match. Painful to watch. Would’ve been fine had it gone for, at the very most, half of the time. But it didn’t. -Two out of Ten.

The Inside Pulse
Flair defeats MVP: 2/10
CM Punk and Rey Mysterio defeat Edge and Chavo Guerrero: 7/10
Finlay and Hornswoggle defeat Deuce and Domino: -3/10
Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder defeat Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore?: 4/10
The Undertaker and Kane defeat Big Daddy V and Mark Henry: -2/10
SmackDown 02/02/08: 8/50

Another one of those only just acceptable shows, at most. The only reason to watch is the tag match between Punk / Mysterio and Edge / Guerrero … Sigh. Until next week!