The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – March 1 1986
– Your hosts are Tony & David.
– Up first, Ron Garvin announces that he’s got a TV title match with AA…tonight! And if he can beat Arn, Flair has to stop ducking him.
– Jimmy Valiant v. Bob Owens. Jimmy gives him a pair of thumbs to the throat and pounds away in the corner, but who cares about that? Ric Flair is in action TONIGHT. Think that’ll tie in with Ron Garvin’s match somehow? I think it might. Better call your friends and let them know, just in case. Elbow and elbow finish this at 2:28.
– Jimmy joins us and takes a stand against Paul Jones’ policy of hiring foreigners to do his dirty work. Bald ones, at that. That’s not just xenophobic, it’s peladophobic! Seriously, look it up.
– Baron Von Raschke v. George South. South gains the advantage quickly with a hiptoss, but the Baron holds an armbar and then slams him to block a headscissors attempt. Backbreaker and he stomps away, then hits the shoulderbreaker and goes to the chinlock. South fights back with a dropkick into an armdrag, but Baron uses the hair to regain the upper hand and goes to a camel clutch. Double underhook suplex and the IRON CLAW finish South at 5:53. And that is all the people need to know!
– Arn comes out to complain about having to face Garvin, noting that he’s more likely a top contender to killing someone or being a pervert than to his title. BURN!
– Ivan Koloff v. Rocky King. More damn dirty bald foreigners. Where’s Jimmy Valiant when you need him? Koloff beats King down to start, but Rocky fights back before running into a knee in the corner. Ivan drops a knee and grinds it in, but Rocky comes back with a sunset flip. Ivan casually blocks that and pounds him down with a kneelift, then a neckbreaker and a forearm off the middle rope gets two. Ivan gets his own sunset flip for two and then rolls into a facelock, which is a very nice spot. Rocky reverses out to a hammerlock and works on the arm, but Ivan uses a SWEET takedown to escape before taking him down with the Russian Hammer and pounding away on the chest for two. Abdominal stretch, but King hiptosses out for two. Ivan chops him down again and hits a running choke, but misses a blind charge and Rocky fights back again with a dropkick. Sadly, he puts his head down, and now Ivan’s done messing around. Top rope Sickle finishes, but it was a good effort from Rocky, who was always booked to be at least competitive. ** I should note the casual racism from Tony and David, however, as at one point Ivan headbutts Rocky and hurts himself, and David is all “Well OF COURSE he shouldn’t have tried to headbutt Rocky King” and Tony is in full agreement. Because he’s black, you see. But really, you can’t blame them for the same stuff that’s always been in wrestling.
– Tully and JJ run down the situation for Dusty Rhodes: The building’s on fire and you have to get to a fire extinguisher on the tenth floor and you’re only on the sixth floor or something. I dunno, wrestling metaphors tend to run together after a while. Anyway, Dusty’s got one week left until D-Day, when Tully presumably wins the National title from him whether he likes it or not.
– The Barbarian v. Tony Zane. God, Paul Jones and his evil bald foreigners are all over this show. Usual crappy Barbarian squash as he beats on Zane and sells nothing, hitting a gorilla press and then headbutting the back while Jones hits the back with his cane. Big boot, powerslam, headbutt for the pin at 4:25. Same old stuff.
– Magnum TA v. Randy Mulkey. You know the drill here. Suplex and we’re done. I wonder what the deal was with Magnum’s endless 30 second squashes?
– Ric Flair joins us to style and profile, offering Ron Garvin 90 minutes, 2 hours, 2 days, whatever it takes to show the world that Garvin’s a punk. And who did the Road Warriors ever beat?
– Tully Blanchard v. Bill Tabb. Tabb overpowers Tully to start, so Tully bitchslaps him and gets beat up in the corner as a result. So instead he takes him down with a snapmare and goes to a chinlock. Tabb fights back and pounds away in the corner, but Tully kicks him down again and drops elbows on the back to ground him. He whips Tabb into the corner and slams him, and we take a break for some reason and return with the slingshot suplex to finish at 3:23.
– Dusty Rhodes fears no one and doesn’t think Tully’s one week deadline is worth very much.
– Jim Cornette is out and crying conspiracy on the part of Dusty and the Rock N Roll Express. You know he’s all good and worked up because he says “daggum” a lot. We’re all JEALOUS of him. Guilty as charged.
– The Midnight Express v. Paul Garner & Alan Martin. Eaton drops an elbow on Garner from the top and Condrey tosses the other guy while Cornette does commentary and I swear to god talks for a minute straight without taking a single breath. Bobby gets a neckbreaker on the floor and brings Martin in for some humiliation, then drops the Alabama Jam. Condrey lets Garner come back in and Eaton stomps the crap out of him, then hits him with a missile dropkick. Condrey then drags the corpse back to the jobber corner and brings the other victim in, as they seem to be sending a message this week. Condrey finally drops a knee and pins the guy at 5:35.
– Now it can be told: The first ever Jim Crockett Sr. Memorial Cup Tag Team tournament will be held in…New Orleans!
– The Rock N Roll Express v. Bill Mulkey & Mike Simiani. Robert hiptosses Mulkey and gets the kneelift, then drops the knee and hits the chinlock. The RNR switch off and work the leg. Double dropkick finishes at 4:19.
– Magnum TA is out to further challenge Nikita, still using the old US title belt. We’ve gotta be getting close to the debut of the classic 80s design.
– World TV title: Arn Anderson v. Ron Garvin. They fight for a lockup in the corner and Garvin takes him down with a headscissors, prompting Arn to hit the floor. Back in, Garvin headbutts him and starts working on the arm, then grabs a headlock and floats into a hammerlock. Arn escapes to the ropes, so Garvin headbutts the arm and we’re back to square one again. Arn takes him down with a top wristlock, but Garvin powers him down and cranks on his own armbar. Ron puts him into one of his patented torture holds, but Arn makes the ropes. Garvin slugs him down for two and a small package gets two. We take a break and return with Garvin yanking on the arm…and Ric Flair joins us for commentary. Arn escapes the arm hold by using the ropes, then backdrops Garvin and pounds on the back before slamming him and going to a bearhug. He pounds the neck, but Garvin comes back with a sunset flip for two. Arn goes back to the bearhug as we’re now over 10 minutes, but the timekeeper must be a Ron Garvin fan. Garvin drops an elbow for two, but Arn stomps him in the head, so Ron winds up the Hands of Stone…and Arn runs away. Back in, Garvin chops him down and Arn wants to know the time left. Garvin with the abdominal stretch, but time expires at 11:30. Never really got going anywhere. **1/4 Ric gets in Garvin’s face, allowing Arn to hit the gourdbuster and claim the moral victory.
– Ric Flair v. Brodie Chase. Flair’s pre-match banter with David Crockett and the ringboy is hilarious. He takes Chase down with a snapmare for two and drops a knee, then goes to an armbar and starts offering threats to Ricky Morton or anyone else within earshot. Small package gets two. He tosses Chase and follows him out for some more chops, then heads back in to strut. Double-arm suplex gets two. He chops Chase down and chokes away, and NOW…we go to school. Figure-four finishes at 4:28. Flair scoots right over to the announce desk and gets in David’s face, bragging about the cost of the belt. Ah, Flair.
And we’re outta here for another week.