The SmackDown Report

We begin with a video recap of the WrestleMania Press Conference, focussing mostly on Mayweather vs. Show. That leads us into the opening match, how convenient.

The Big Show vs. Cannon Fodder
This week on RAW, The Big Show will take on ‘A Professional Fighter’. The Big Show destroys both cannon fodder, as you’d expect.
Winner: The Big Show

Jay Garland (I believe?) and Joey Ryan were the fodder, if it makes a difference. You should know my policy on squashes. -Five out of Ten. Big Show talks about the September De la Hoya vs. Mayweather match, but he’s going to put an end to that rumor – he’s going to completely break Mayweather at Mania, and he could even go on to squash Oscar De la Hoya like a cockroach. Show finishes by saying the 20 Million they’re paying Mayweather for WrestleMania, won’t be worth it. The entire segment was good as far as build up goes. I’m not sure what I think of everyone acknowledging how much Mayweather is getting paid, but after WrestleMania I probably won’t much care either.

Commercials.

Tonight: Batista and Kane vs. The Great Khali and MVP. Weird pairings.

Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore vs. Deuce and Domino w/Cherry
Domino and Yang begin. Domino attacks to begin and hits Yang with a headlock takedown. Yang evades an elbow drop and gets a headlock of his own on Domino. Yang nails an arm drag on Domino, and Moore tags in. Moore with a dropkick on Domino and cover for a zero count. Moore with a hurricanrana to Domino. Moore goes for a head scissor’s to the outside, but Domino pushes Moore off and Moore falls to the outside. Deuce sends Moore back in the ring, and Domino covers for a failed pinfall attempt. Deuce in with a full nelson variation. Coach and Cole stink up the commentary by debating rednecks and Asians. Domino back in, and he uses his body weight to choke Moore on the second rope. Deuce back in, as is Yang. Yang trips Deuce. Yang knocks Domino off the apron. Yang misses the moonsault and Deuce knocks Yang down. Deuce nails a suplex. Cherry distracts Moore, and Deuce knocks him off the apron. Yang suddenly gets to the top rope and nails the moonsault for the three count.
Winners: Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore

Totally forgettable, but not as bad as some of their other matches. Three out of Ten. Deuce and Domino are so unimportant now that I’m over their matches full stop. I’d suggest keeping them off television for a while.

Edge and Vickie are backstage. Edge wants to go to Canada for their Honeymoon. Vickie Heart Canadians. Hawkins and Ryder come in, and Edge announces that tonight they get payback against Undertaker. It’s Zack (or Zach, whatever) vs. Undertaker.

Commercials.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Jamie Noble w/ Michelle McCool
Lock up and Palumbo forces Noble into the corner. Noble ducks a clothesline and begins the assault on Palumbo. Palumbo spinebusters Noble into the corner, but Noble keeps resilient – getting a hanging armbar on Palumbo. Noble drops Palumbo’s arm on the top rope. Palumbo tosses Noble outside, where Palumbo brings Noble in for a clothesline. Palumbo lifts Noble up, but gets distracted by McCool yelling for him to stop. Noble uses the distraction to send Palumbo face first into the steel post. Back in the ring, Noble goes to the top rope. Palumbo halts Noble and nails a top rope belly to belly (not as awesome as last week’s Yang / Benjamin, but still pretty cool). Palumbo covers for a two count. Palumbo with mounted punches to Noble, before he nails a big back drop for a two count. Palumbo puts Noble in a facelock, Noble escapes but runs off the ropes into an elbow drop. Palumbo lifts Noble up but Noble falls behind and gets Palumbo in an arm bar! Palumbo eventually gets to the bottom rope. The very moment both of them get to their feet, Palumbo knocks Noble down with a big right hand and regains control. Palumbo jumps off the turnbuckles with an elbow drop which Noble avoids. Noble with rights to Palumbo, an enziguri knocks Palumbo down. Noble nails a nice flipping senton to Palumbo in the corner. Noble goes up top and jumps off with a missile dropkick for a two count, almost a three! Noble gets another armbar, but Palumbo stays on his feet and rakes Noble’s eyes on the top rope. Palumbo big boots Noble down and hit’s the Full Throttle for the three count.
Winner: Chuck Palumbo

You know … I really, really dug that match. They worked well – Noble went after the arm and was the usual tenacious self, while Palumbo was a monster who took Noble’s offence seriously instead of shrugging it off. I’d love to see these two in the Money In The Bank match, if only to continue the feud, even if it brings nothing to the buy rate. Seven out of Ten. The fact that there was no commercial break also worked in the match’s favour.

Maryse kisses Vickie’s ass backstage, and Batista walks in. Batista says he wants the match vs. Umaga at WrestleMania, Maryse tells her she thinks he’s a great idea, so Vickie announces it! It’s Umaga vs. Batista at WrestleMania! Should be good, I can’t help but think that it’d be better of Estrada was still in Umaga’s corner.

Commercials.

Batista and Kane vs. Montel Vontavious Porter and The Great Khali
Kane and Khali begin. Khali clubs away on Kane to begin before Porter tags himself in. Porter comes off the ropes and comes back into a shoulder body toss by Kane. Kane with a snap mare and low dropkick to Porter, before tagging out to Batista. Batista gets the series of spears to Porter in the corner, but runs into an elbow by Porter. Porter charges at Batista but runs into a clothesline. Kane tagged back in. Kane with a head butt and big boot to Porter for a one count, with Porter grabbing the rope to break the count. Porter slides to the apron but Kane tosses Porter back into the ring. Batista back in, but Porter is right on him. Porter runs right into a Spinebuster by Batista, who goes for the Batista Bomb but Khali drags Porter out of the ring as we head to a commercial break.

Commercials.

Khali and Batista have a stare down. Lock up and Batista begins forcing Khali into the corner, but Khali shoves Batista down. Batista kicks Khali in the gut and begins nailing right hands, but a single punch from Khali sends Batista to the outside. Batista off the ropes into a clothesline, which gets Khali a two count pinfall. Porter gets tagged back in and temporarily foot chokes Batista. Porter distracts the referee while Khali chokes Batista. Porter drags Batista out of the corner and covers for a brief pinfall attempt. Khali tagged back in. Khali with elbows to Batista. Batista ducks the chop and tags out to Kane. Kane in with rights and lefts to Khali. Kane with the running clotheslines in the corner. Kane goes for an irish whip, but Khali drags Kane into a clothesline of his own.

Porter back in. Kane goes for a Chokeslam on Porter but Khali stops it. Khali back in. Khali with his usual uninspired offence, and Porter thankfully tags back in. Porter walks into uppercuts from Kane, but Kane runs into a drop toe hold by Porter. Porter covers for a two count. Porter gets Kane in a facelock, but Kane gets a scoop slam. Kane with throat thrusts, Porter with a throat thrust of his own. Porter follows with a knee to the face and big boot. Khali back in. Khali with a leg drop for a two count, broken by Batista. Khali goes for the Vice Grip, but Kane goes for the Chokeslam first! Khali blocks the Chokeslam and nails the chop. Porter back in but Kane knocks him down quickly. Kane tags out to Batista. Batista dominates over Porter, as you’d expect. Porter escapes the running power slam attempt, but comes off the ropes – after a blind tag with Khali – into one. Khali chops Batista down, and goes for the Vice Grip but Batista stops it! Spinebuster gets a close two count over Khali, broken by Porter. Kane sends Porter outside. Kane turns into a choke from Khali, but Khali turns into a spear by Batista for the three count.
Winner: Batista

Okay … first of all, Khali was in there for far too long. Secondly, the match went far too long, which really brought it down. Severely long. Having said that, the match was nowhere near as bad as it could have been, which is something at least. The fun ending helped. Two out of Ten.

Still to come: Undertaker runs through Zack Ryder.

Commercials.

Eve Torres introduces the Hall Of Fame video for Rocky Johnson and Peter Maivia.

Jesse and Festus make their entrance …

Commercials.

Morrison and Miz make their entrances, I still hate Morrison’s entrance, and they introduce “The Dirt Sheet”. Morrioson and Miz say Jesse was abducted by aliens, and Festus is a big fat virgin.

Jesse and Festus vs. John Morrison and Mike Mizanin
Man, it has been ages since Mizanin and Morrison have been on SmackDown. The bell rings and Festus goes all Festus on the Tag Team Champions. Festus tags out to Jesse, who jumps off the second turnbuckle with a senton for a two count over Miz. Jesse gets a school boy on Miz, which Jesse lets go of to knock Morrison out of the ring. Morrison with a clothesline to Jesse on the outside. Morrison tagged in … only to pretty much tag out to Miz after setting Jesse up in the corner. Miz with his trademark corner clothesline before Morrison is tagged back in. Jesse evades Morrison and Miz long enough to tag out to Festus. Festus destroys Morrison and Miz, and nails the flapjack on Morrison for the three count!
Winners: Jesse and Festus

Miz isn’t happy over their loss. Far too short for my liking, especially since these guys could put on a really good match if they had enough time, but it was still quite fun. Two out of Ten.

Later tonight: Undertaker vs. Zack Ryder

Commercials.

Recap of JBL’s revelation on RAW. Does this mean that the Illegitimate Son Mystery is reopened? This could lead to an interesting tag team match at WrestleMania. Cole and Coach announce that Finlay will be at RAW this Monday.

Big Daddy V makes his entrance …

Commercials.

Big Daddy V w/Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney
V squashes Mahoney. At least, until, Undertaker makes his entrance … Undertaker storms down the ring and attacks V. Undertaker sends V out of the ring, before nailing Mahoney with a choke slam. A very lacking choke slam.
Winner: Big Daddy V

Undertaker demands for Edge to bring his minion, and that both Edge and Ryder will rest in peace … Yeah, like the match meant anything. -Five out of Ten.

Commercials.

The Undertaker vs. Zack Ryder w/ Edge and Curt Hawkins
Ryder runs from Taker to start, even getting a baseball slide on Taker. Ryder jumps off the apron but gets caught by Taker, who sends him spine first into the steel post. Taker sends Ryder into the steel steps. Taker sets Ryder up on the ring apron and hit’s the usual offence, and gets a one count pinfall. Taker tosses Ryder around like a rag doll, before throwing him out of the ring. Ryder drops taker throat first on the top rope. Ryder jumps from the top turnbuckle but gets caught with a choke slam attempt, Ryder stops it with a low blow. Ryder goes for the ten count punches, but Undertaker throws him into the ring. Taker runs into a high elbow from Ryder, who follows up with a series of rights. Ryder chokes Taker, but Taker throws Ryder into the corner. Running clothesline to Ryder, snake eyes and big boot follows. Leg drop from Undertaker for a two count. Chokeslam! Undertaker locks Ryder in the Gogoplata for the submission victory.
Winner: The Undertaker

Edge and Hawkins attack Undertaker post match, but Undertaker mounts a comeback and Edge flees from the ring. Chokeslam to Curt Hawkins. One Gogoplata later, and Undertaker poses with the World Heavy Weight Championship … The match wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, actually, considering I was expecting a blatant squash. There was absolutely no doubt that Undertaker would win, but Ryder got in enough offence to make it seem like an almost legitimate match and it‘s these sort of matches which Hawkins and Ryder need. Three out of Ten.

The Big Show Squash: -5/10
Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore defeat Deuce and Domino: 2/10
Chuck Palumbo defeats Jamie Noble: 7/10
Batista and Kane defeat MVP and The Great Khali: 2/10
Jesse and Festus defeat The Miz and John Morrison: 2/10
Big Daddy V Squash: -5/10
The Undertaker defeats Zack Ryder: 3/10
SmackDown 29/02/08: 6/70

Well there was a good midcard gem in Palumbo and Noble. The rest ranged from acceptable to blatant squash, so whatever. I suggest watching Palumbo and Noble on YouTube, but the rest aren’t really anything to go out of your way for. Have a good week!

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