There are certain things that take a great deal of talent. The WWE’s skills at taking a bunch of beautiful scantily clad women and making them this boring is truly remarkable.
Great-ing Gimmicks of the Past: Let’s Get Reality! – The Diva Search, Part Two
After the stunning “success†of the first televised Diva Search in 2004, the WWE immediately made plans to set up another for 2005. This time, however, they advertised that the contestants would not need or even want to wrestle.
Our eight contestants this year were Alexis Ondrade, Ashley Massaro, Cameron Haven, Elisabeth Rouffaer, Kristal Marshall, Leyla Milani, Simona Fusco, and Summer DeLin.
They made their debut on the June 27 Raw. Jonathan Coachman came out and told the contestants they each had 30 seconds to explain why they wanted to be a Diva. That brought Big Vis and Christy Hemme out, who had other plans. At their urging, each of the contestants (except for one who wasn’t wearing underwear) stripped down to their bra and panties and danced with Vis. Afterward, Sgt. Slaughter told them they would be going through bikini boot camp the following week.
At the bikini boot camp, the contestants were put through an obstacle course. Leyla was disqualified when she popped out of her top and was the only one who didn’t finish. Elizabeth wound up the winner with a time of thirty-five seconds.
The next week opened with Alexis being eliminated. We then got the diva talent search. Ashley hit Christy Hemme with a monkey flip. Leyla performed a strip tease. Summer did some backflips and finished up with a split. Kristal poured paint on herself and lay down on canvas to “paint.†Elisabeth dressed up like a police officer who handcuffed and spanked Christy. Simona dressed up like a barbarian and waved a sword around. Cameron also performed a strip tease.
The next week we got video of each contestant saying who she’d eliminate if she could. Coachman then announced that Simona was eliminated.
Our next dose of class opened with Coachman announcing Cameron’s elimination. We then saw the contestants in a hot dog eating contest. Each contestant had one minute to eat as many hot dogs as she could to avoid being eliminated that week. Leyla was the winner.
The next week’s segment was introduced by Coachman who announced Summer’s elimination. He then handed it off to guest host Rob Schneider, who was on hand to shill his new movie Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. Schneider announced that the contestants would be jousting each other. This time, Elisabeth won and received immunity.
Coachman brought out the last four the next week and announced that Kristal had been eliminated. He told the three remaining that the winner would be crowned the next week, and they each had to do something shocking to win votes. Ashley gave out her phone number on the air. She then got hit with a pie in the face and nearly dropped the F-bomb. Leyla held a big sign in front of herself, got pied, and slapped the Coach. Elisabeth bashed the other two, got pied, and lost her train of thought.
The next week we started with a brief segment, where Coach announced that Elisabeth was gone. He then later announced that Ashley was the winner.
Analysis
Is it possible to get dumber by typing results of a wrestling show? If so, I think I might have just become more stupider.
Again, this proves that the Diva Search segments are written by specially-hired fourteen year old boys. A great many of the segments (especially the Bikini Boot Camp) sounded like something you would see on Cinemax at 3 am.
And again, the crowds were bored by the entire experience. However, because Vince McMahon knows what people want (even if they don’t know it yet), we have suffered through two more Diva Searches, and there will likely be one in 2008 as well.
In all fairness, however, it appears that the WWE may have learned something from the first Diva Search. At least this one didn’t have people scooting around on pies and giving profanity-laced promos.
Still, we’re going to be taking a break from the Diva Searches for a while. Next week we’ll be returning to looking at wrestling angles.
Where are they now?
Ashley earned a WWE contract and began appearing on Raw. After suffering a broken leg which required surgery in February of 2006, she was moved to Smackdown. By the end of the year she was serving as Paul London and Brian Kendrick’s manager. In 2007, Ashley’s appearances on WWE became sporadic. She was featured in the April 2007 issue of Playboy, but had vanished a bit later in the year to appear on Survivor. She returned in January of 2008 and is currently out of action with an injured hand.
Elisabeth is currently living in California and working as a model.
Kristal earned a development deal and was sent to Deep South. In December of 2005, she debuted on Smackdown. In February of 2007, Kristal was shown plotting with Vickie Guerrero in a plan which saw her marrying Teddy Long. She was released soon thereafter. Apparently she had refused to finish the angle, which would have seen her turning on Long and instead allying with Edge – an angle that was then given to Vickie.
Leyla is currently working as a model on NBC’s Deal or No Deal where she holds case #13.
Summer currently lives in Louisiana and recently had a son.
