10 Thoughts on TNA Impact – 05.01.2008

Welcome to The TNA 10 Thoughts, brought to you by your resident ROH Expert, Pulse Glazer. Will I be able to handle TNA or will, as former TNA Analyst Ivan Rushfeild puts it, have thoughts 3-10 be “Reporter shot self in face” ? Come in and find out!

1. Curry Man opens the show and my girlfriend goes, “Wait, isn’t Curry Man the big Indian guy on the other show?” meaning The Great Khali. Hey, it’s okay, she’s from Trinidad so it isn’t racist.

Alex Shelley trying Curry Man and finding him too spicy was hilarious and the perfect example of why Shelley is a future star.

2. I watched the entire show, which was mostly set up for the Deuces Wild Tag Tournament and the full explanation for what exactly that is wasn’t given until the final segment of the show. All I knew through the first half was that somehow there were eight teams and eight singles wrestlers. Way to be new fan friendly, TNA.

The eight singles wrestlers will be put into teams at random, then in a tournament with the eight normal teams. Got it. Hope no more ridiculous stipulations are added.

3. Speaking of ridiculous stipulations, there’s an insane knockouts match that has all the women in a huge match, with the final two having a match where the winner gets to face Amazing Kong and the loser gets her head shaved. Women shaved bald- not only does it add no buys, but it has the potential to ruin someone’s career!

And, really, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky? When did we start using MySpace stripper name generators on our wrestlers Russo? Why is Russo near the Knockouts division? And lastly, why is this the first segment on the show to not be interrupted?

4. Cornette is among the most ineffective authority figures ever. Not only are there run ins and beatdowns nearly every match, but Kip James actually attacked Matt Morgan in his office and was later rewarded for it (see #10). Morgan was told that he’d have to wait for the Deuces Wild invite, like the other 7 men… but if there are only 7 others, then he’s surely one. Also, later on, both Robert Roode and James Storm knew they were in, as well. That leaves 5.

5. LAX vs. Kaz and Eric Young was solid when Young wasn’t in there. Why does TNA insist he be in every major angle? Lethal wasn’t on the show but Young got this segment and the surprise man in AJ Styles team. He was terrible both times. Homicide beat Young with a DVD, while Super Eric, partner of AJ Styles, pinned Rave with a DVD, incase you’re keeping score at home.

Homicide vs. Kaz was interesting at the start, if too Kaz controlled. Kaz was made in PWG and ‘Cide in ROH, so they haven’t faced off as much as most indy studs. They went well together.

AJ Styles and Rave were in there and ignored for the Super Eric BS, but AJ broke Rave into wrestling and basically got him his job in ROH, where they had a huge, great feud when Rave turned on his mentor for the Embassy. After their last hate-filled match in 05, this is not how I wanted to see them face off again.

I like Rave a lot, even in this role. E-mail me if you caught the Clerks 2 reference.

6. On good and bad usage of moves. Don West is Still impressed and marking out that AJ Styles Pelle Kick is out of nowhere. His excitement at this is endearing and makes the move seem cool despite it’s regular use.

This is countered by the use of a back drop into a hurricanrana. This is a hugely cool and formerly rare and amazing spot that only AJ ever really does. It was a major part of ROH’s first year where AJ and Red used it against the Briscoes and was one of the best spots in the classic AJ vs. Daniels vs. Joe match. Here it is used in passing in a throwaway impact match, turning a move that is special into just a common transition. It’s not that complicated to keep certain sptos special so they still draw that extra reaction and that should be done with the backdrop hurricanrana.

7. Scott Steiner cut a godly promo that made no sense where he had about a 141% chance of winning the title. He was then called “The Mathmetician the rest of the night in what might be the night’s highlight.

The main event (Joe and Angle vs. Petey and Steiner) was going along fine, with Joe basically handling Steiner and Petey in a move that makes sense, given that they’re establishing Joe as a beast. Then, for no reason, Joe is attacked by Angle… who is his partner… and who waited until a totally random time to attack. Joe still manages to win before taking his beatdown. This was good for Joe, but nothing but retarded for Kurt.

8. Can we induct the Terrordome into Wrestlecrap now or do we have to wait?

9. Daizee Haze vs. Cheerleader Melissa made my night. Melissa is either the best or second best female wrestler in the world and it’s great to see her be able to wrestle using her chosen gimmick, not Saed as she has been lately. Haze is a very sweet person and my girlfriend’s favorite wrestler, so it was great to see her get some exposure. The match featured a fun big vs. little dynamic, simple, good wrestling that the crowd enjoyed, and a sick vertebreaker finisher. The moral? Keep it simple stupid.

10. Cornette announced his 8 solo guys for the Dueces Wild tournament after finally explaining the rules. Let’s look at his entries.

a. Matt Morgan – Well, he’s Cornette’s boy, he’s huge and one of the better big men in the world. It absolutely fits, even if it was established earlier.

b. Kip James – Not over and establishes new ways for himself to look gay with a tied up wife beater and bycicle shorts. Way to reward the guy who brawled in your office, Jim.

c. BG James – I hate him, but he has the tag chops to belong for kayfabe reasons.

d. James Storm – A former member of AMW, he’s a great tag wrestler and fits the tournament. He’s also awesome at getting heel heat, so there is that, as well, though he isn’t a surprise.

e. Robert Roode – Another non-surprise, he’s being pushed and needs something to do. He gains good heat and is a good promo. Works for me.

f. Booker T – Booker has always been over, adds seeming importance because of his stature, and is an accomplished tag wrestler.

g. Sting – He can be better used putting someone over in singles, but if that won’t be the case, then at least he’s being kept away from the World title picture with this.

h. Awesome Kong – This was the big surprise. It was done pretty badly. First reason for this is that Cornette said individual so much that it became obvious that a female would be the surprise and equally obvious that Kong would be that female. The other reason this sucks, and this isn’t complicated, is that women’s wrestling fans by and large just want to see good wrestling between women, not women and men. This is something the men in the business can’t seem to grasp, with even the usually brilliant Lance Storm missing the boat on this.

Bonus: From Wiswell on Kevin Nash: “His facial hair is so out of control he looks like the cowardly lion. His moveset is so limited now he barely even talks.” Ladies and gentlemen, among the highest paid men in your number 2 wrestling promotion in America.

Hope you enjoyed my TNA musings and check back next week for more!

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