I had to sign a waiver so that IP wouldn’t be liable for any injuries I receive because of this review. Just to really imitate art, I tore my triceps typing this teaser. But I will gut it out and give you, the nonpaying customer, what you did not ask for; another review of this show!
I’m going try a different format here, just because the Scrambles call for it. I’ll summarize the good/important bits of the match and then give any additional analysis/thoughts I have.
ECW Championship Scramble Match- Matt Hardy over everyone else to win ECW Championship
Summary:
-Chavo Guerrero (w/ swank entrance pancho) pins the Miz (w/aerodynamic fauxhawk), Frog Splash
-Matt Hardy (w/ overwhelming fan interest) pins Chavo with Side Effect (first time I’ve ever seen someone job to that)
– Finlay pinning Matt with the Celtic Cross
-Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas (who was w/o sleeves)) pins Chavo, World’s Strongest Slam, then the match grinds to a complete halt with slams and bearhugs for everyone!
-Matt pins the Miz, with a Twist of Fate, for the final fall and championship, breaking up a bunch of near falls and surviving a big gay scrum at the tail end.
-Number of falls- 4
-Most falls won- Matt, with two
-Most falls taken- Chavo and Miz, with two a piece
-No falls won- Miz
-Longest time as champion- Mark Henry. Especially because it was one of those “felt like an hour” things.
So, Matt wins his second “major” title belt, his first “world” title, and for the second straight time, he does it jerking a curtain. The fact that both of those titles are belts WWE retroactively claimed after eating their competition in 2001 is also some symmetry. This was a pretty good way to introduce the concept of the Scramble and open the show, something 4/5s of the guys in there are best at.
Since Miz did basically nothing but take the last fall, I’m really disappointed that they didn’t just slot Morrison or Bourne in there instead, but that’s the only real complaint I have with this other than the Mark Henry “bearhugs for everyone” sequence, but at least that was only five minutes before Finlay started stiffing the hell out of him to liven things up.
Booking wise, this worked well; Henry gets to continue to look like a monster who only lost because the odds were against him. Matt gets to overcome some odds of his own, more by keeping the belt than winning it, really. Even Chavo gets to be placeholder champion again for a couple minutes there.
Rating: **3/4. Would have been *** or higher if not for Mark Henry dominating parts.
World Tag Team Championship- Simply Priceless with roll up reversal thing over Cryme Tyme to retain-Not much to summarize here. Pretty bog standard tag stuff.
-The end sequence was kind of fun, I guess. It’s hard to get excited about Cryme Tyme’s big man/little man tandem stuff when teams from LAX to Steenerico to Jesse and Festus do it better.
-I did like the roll up reversal finisher.
-Post match, an at the time unnamed Samoan runs in and beats down Cryme Tyme. He’s like Umaga with a ‘fro, basically.
Not much else to say here. Bog standard stuff. Dibiase has yet to actually do anything in the ring to justify the fawning over him by guys like Cena and Batista in interviews, and everyone else is adequate at best.
Rating: *3/4
Unsactioned Grudge Match- Shawn Michaels (w/righteous fury) with belt assisted punches to the face over Chris Jericho (w/ Lance Cade) via ref stoppage-A lot of brawling early on, including a teased powerbomb through a table.
-Shawn goes through his usual finishing sequence, other than substituting a straight choke after the kip up, but decides he’d rather punish Jericho some more instead of hitting Sweet Chin Music
-The eye injury comes in to play when Jericho breaks up the Crossface (I really wish they’d retire that already) with a chair set up in the turnbuckles.
-A Walls of Jericho (which Shawn can’t get broken because it’s Unsanctioned) is broken up by a fire extinguisher. That seems like a pretty goofy ass hardcore spot for an otherwise dead serious match.
-Shawn makes a comeback, but Cade runs in, and all looks lost for our hero.
-A Jericho attempted Pillmanization of Shawn’s arm gives him a chance to make a desperation comeback, Chin Musicing Cade and putting Jericho through a table set up earlier in the match.
-Not satisfied with that, Shawn puts Cade and Shawn through a table with a picture perfect elbow on the bad arm.
-From there, he just beats the hell out of Jericho until the ref calls off the match. That earns him a sweet chin music.
So, that was certainly a nasty, hate filled brawl. Almost uncomfortably so, really. Shawn played a man possessed really, really well. It didn’t entirely match what I expected of the match, so I didn’t love it like I wanted to. However, especially with Shawn’s injury, they still pulled of a hell of a match, certainly living up to the wonderful build which has already won them Feud of the Year from pretty much anyone who isn’t a total ROH-bot. I’d say TNA mark, but those don’t really exist, I don’t think.
Rating- ****1/2. Automatic from these two, really. Shawn’s acting kicks it up a notch, but it can’t quite get in to ***** territory.
Brief Continuity Bitching- I kind of wondered why HHH didn’t bother to interfere at all, especially when Cade and Jericho were trying to murder him there 2-on- 1. Maybe he doesn’t watch RAW anymore? That or he was too busy deciding how many times he’d pin the Kendrick to notice his best friend was in mortal danger.
Orton thinks Priceless still kind of sucks. He seems indifferent to Manu (Wild Samoan Afa’s kid) and his ‘fro.
WWE Championship Scramble-HHH over everyone to retain WWE Title
-Jeff Hardy pins The Kendrick with a weird wheelbarrow powerbomb thing
-The Kendrick Kendricks Hardy after Shelton Benjamin hits Paydirt, because he’s smart!
-After a long stretch where it’s just the three heels (Jeff was presumably texting Matt about what it’s like to have a “world” title) and no falls happen, HHH arrives to squash everyone.
-Seriously. It was like all the net bitching about him made reality!
-He even pins The Kendrick, just so he doesn’t forget his place.
-Jeff pins MVP with a Twist of Fate with the Hs incapacitated to be interim champ for second time.
-Hs pin The Kendrick with another Pedigree. So now we know why he’s in there.
-Hardy pins The Kendrick with a Swanton. Now they’re just picking on him.
-The Hs Pedigree MVP to win back their title with like 2 seconds to spare. Jeff tries to cover Shelton concurrently, but the ref doesn’t see it. The Kendrick is just glad he didn’t do another job.
Number of falls- 7.
Most Falls Won- Hardy with 3.
Most Falls Taken- The Kendrick with 3.
No Falls Won- MVP and Shelton.
Longest Time As Champion- The Kendrick, which I guess makes up for the jobs.
So, this was the best of the three scrambles work rate wise, which we all expected. I would have liked to seen more of The Kendrick as a scheming bastard, but that wasn’t the story they wanted to tell. MVP and Shelton were just kind of there; they got in some decent spots, including the obligatory Tower of Doom, but otherwise, they could have slotted anyone in there. So, Scotty Goldman and Ryan Braddock got screwed there. Really, this seemed designed to set up a Jeff/Hs match for next month, and it succeeded in that regard. We’ll see if they go there.
Rating- ***1/2. Fun multi-man match.
Meanwhile! Shawn’s not done kicking Jericho around. Fine by me and the rest of the fans with any kind of sense.
Meanwhile still! Randy Orton, Priceless, and Manu punk out… Punk. Kofi tries to make the save, but his cheeriness can’t overcome a pack of angry wrestlers kids. Orton adds a head punt for Punk, just because he’s a terrible human being and he really hates skinny indie boys. So, Evolution 2.0 was born here, folks.
Divas Championship Match- Michelle McCool with sitout facebusterplex thing to retain-Maryse worked over the leg a lot, including some solid submission stuff.
-McCool kicked her in the face a lot, making her Chris Sims favorite wrestler, I think.
-McCool also worked in a cool clothesline off the barricade spot. She really wants to be the next Trish!
-McCool eventually finishes with one of Jeff Hardy’s transition moves.
This was a solid bit of business. They gave them more time than I expected, and they worked a body part psychology based match where neither girl looked bad. Maryse didn’t cheat a whole for a heel, but that was pretty much the only drawback I saw. This wasn’t Kong vs. Kim or anything, but for two Barbie dolls, they did a good job. I am surprised that McCool’s heel hook isn’t a kill move anymore, since they built it up for a while. Maybe someone realized the Kurt Angle association.
Rating- **. Not bad at all, ladies. Bring on the twins, while that meme is still annoying but popular.
Adamle informs us that Punk can be replaced in the scramble if need be. I thought this was tipping off a dramatic Punk win at the time. Shows what I know. Well, that picking Kane to win in the Roundtable.
Sports Entertainment Time Filler Segment- Big Show and Vickie over Undertaker, Not Very Shocking Turn
Show sticking around after Undertaker’s druids showed up with the caskets made that turn obvious, although his scahdenfreud over Vickie’s impending doom was pretty entertaining during the 10 minutes or so it took ‘Taker to stalk to the ring. It was nice to see Show lay out ‘Taker that way, really, even if I don’t want to see that match at all.
Who knows how Edge fits in to this; maybe this leads to a temporary alliance between he and ‘Taker, or maybe Show just joins a reformed, hyper dysfunctional La Familia. So, there’s grist for a storyline mill here. I just got sick of Show/’Taker matches after 1999, so I’m not looking forward to the almost ten year anniversary of their ongoing feud. This might exceed my expectations solely because Show’s worked in boxing and UT MMA since their last meeting. But I kinda doubt it. At least it’s not Khali again.
World Title Scramble- Chris Jericho over everyone else, shocking swerve no one saw coming.
-Batista and JBL start. Why, I have no idea.
-Batista works in the Figure 4. Now that Flair’s gone off the reservation, I guess it’s part of his move set permanently.
-Kane chokeslams JBL for first fall in a pretty cool reversal sequence between chokeslam and Lariat From Hades
-Rey brings Miz-envy to a new level by wearing a mohawk over his mask.
-Drama between Rey and Batista! After teaming up once, Rey turns on Dave. He tries to sneak a win and fails. Big Buddy Dave doesn’t care for that. So, there’s a feud, maybe. I always thought that could be a good one, really.
-Batista makes up for the lack of falls in this one with a lot of spears. Well, I assume that was the idea, at least. He threw them out like they were clotheslines .
-Jericho is Punk’s replacement and the last man in. Big surprise there, although his winning was pretty much a given with that booking.
-Batista gets to be champ for a few second by pinning Kane with a spinebuster.
-Batista ranabombs Rey. He was kind of asking for it, really.
-Unfortunately, Dave obliterating his former little buddy allows Jericho to pick the bones of Kane, picking up the last fall as time runs out.
-However, if Dave hadn’t reacted like a little girl who just lost her tickets to a Jonas Bros. concert, maybe he could have picked up one last fall.
-Just saying.
So, yeah. This match was pretty not good. Punk was always going to be the glue here. Taking him off the table, thrilling as it was (not to mention a good way to get the title off him and save his heat while setting up that feud with Jericho we all want to see), insured that, although giving us 15 minutes of Batista, JBL, and Kane certainly didn’t help either. The probable end of the Rey and Dave bromance seems to have been thrown in there just for lack of anything better to do, and Jericho, having been nearly beaten to death, never got to add much to the proceedings.
However, you certainly have to give them credit for the huge swerve. Vince Russo tries to do this sort of thing on a monthly basis, so it is doubly funny that WWE pulled this out of their asses and it worked so well. Jericho very well main event Wrestlemania again if he can keep his heat, since they can line him up against any of the RAW babyfaces, from Punk to Shawn to Batista to Cena to Rey, and have a compelling match.
Rating-**1/2. Brilliant finish, crap match, split the difference.
Final Analysis- Talk about saving face; Jericho gets his comeuppance from Shawn and still steals the show, literally, by reaching the top of the mountain again. Jericho was already comeback story of the year, overcoming his lame face return to become the top heel in the business; if he keeps this up, he may very well steal wrestler of the year honors from Bryan Danielson. Okay, that may be pushing it, but still; hell of a moment for the guy. Have to give him that. Heavy recommendation from me for this one.
