“The Panty Pinata Polarization” kicks off with the gang playing Boggle using the Klingon dictionary. That’s severe geek action right there. Howard attempts to sneak in a Jewish word. They slap him down. Penny runs into the apartment. Her cable is out. She wants to see who Tyra kicks off America’s Next Top Model. Raj, Leonard and Howard give up on the game and become glued to the show. Sheldon is the only one still playing the game. Penny tells Howard that they tape the show in a house somewhere in Los Angeles. He goes into a creepy monologue about all the things the Top Model girls must do to each other inside their house. He’s in pure stalker mode. Penny decides it’s time she pay her cable bill so she can watch TV alone.
Have you ever been invited to a Klingon wedding? It happens. Why do they do this? Aren’t there enough cool languages without faking the most passionate words you can say to another person in nasty sounds that make German seem like French? Why don’t people get married in Esperanto? I never hear of anyone having a Vulcan nuptials. Where’s the love for Spock’s people?
Raj and Howard have become slaves to the Top Model action. Raj freezes the TV so he can mark the stars behind the house for location. Howard’s plan is to sneak over to the house right after elimination so he can score on a woman at her emotional low. Penny picks up an onion ring from Sheldon’s plate. The guys freak. She puts it back, but the uber geek notices it. He declares it’s her second strike. Strike one was when she forwarded him a funny email. Sheldon informs her that since she’s part of their group, she’s got to follow his rules. She sits in his chair and gets strike three. She’s banished from the apartment. Only way she can get back is if she takes his “class online.”
They guys sit around a Cheesecake Factory table checking out a map of possible house location. Amidst the Los Angeles spots, they namecheck Durham, North Carolina. Penny is their waitress. She takes orders from everyone, but Sheldon. He’s been banished from the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard tries to soften things up, but she doesn’t like Sheldon’s behavior. However her manager forces her to serve him. She puts down his burger and dares him to take a bite. Sheldon looks very nervous.
A few weeks ago, I was told about the head of a major video game company that only eats at TGIFridays. When he goes out to San Francisco, the vice president of a major game platform corporation has to eat all the meals with him there. So much for burning out the expense account. He nearly had a panic attack when TGIFridays changed up their menu. He was looking into buying a franchise to bring back the “traditional menu.” He backed out of the investment when it was pointed out that he still hadn’t bought a kitchen table for his own house. What was he going to do worrying about upkeep on 48 tables? He merely wrote corporate begging for his favorite dishes to return.
Howard and Raj have located the ANTM house thanks to a NORAD satellite feed. They can see the girls sunbathing on the roof. Penny is ticked off because Sheldon has blocked her use of their wi-fi. He won’t let her back online until she apologizes. Leonard points out that Sheldon is “one lab accident short of being a super villain.” When Howard tries to over ride the block, a video of Sheldon informs everyone that they have another strike. She won’t back down from him.
Penny intercepts Sheldon during his normal Saturday 8:15 p.m. laundry night ritual. She points out that he’s a creature of habit. Sheldon is freaking out since all the washing machines are busy. She plays upon his obsessive compulsive fears.
Penny storms upstairs with an empty laundry basket. She bangs on the door. She wants Sheldon to give back her clothes. He hasn’t a clue what happened although she should have followed the “don’t leave clothes unattended” rule. They go near an open window where he points out her panties are in a tree. He suggests she gets a long stick and play “panty pinata.”
Leonard tries to play peacemaker with Penny. He gives Penny a piece of paper that exposes Sheldon’s kryptonite. Raj and Howard double check their suspected ANTM address with Google street view. Leonard is creeped out by their extreme desire. The phone rings. Leonard gives the receiver to Sheldon. It’s his mom. He defends what he did to Penny, but mom ain’t taking it.
Sheldon softly knocks on the door, returns her laundry and takes her off the banished list. He admits she’s played the game to perfection. Sheldon then quotes the message of Spider-man. Penny confirms that she understands.
The writer’s are doing actions that would normally be part of a romantic comedy. These competitive moments normally inspire unbridled passion as the punchline. But there’s no romance between the two. Penny and Sheldon aren’t any closer to spending a weekend playing hide the slideruler. Jim Parson’s has a complete Poker face as Sheldon. He doesn’t give us any clues if he’ll be deflowered by Penny in the near future. Is this a romance or The Man Who Fell to Earth 2? I’m glued to the show to see what Sheldon will do next and if he knows if he’s doing it.
The epilogue gets us to the Top Model house with this year’s competitors roaming the front hallway. The bell rings. It’s Howard and Raj at the door. They’ve arrived to fix the cable. The girl tells them that they have satellite. Howard says that’s what he meant. She opens the door wide and the guys sneak inside. Neither knows what to do next, but they just follow the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
It’s good to see Howard and Raj get their own storyline. Although it is really creepy how they hunted down the Top Model house. Aren’t the girls in Holland this week on the show? I wouldn’t want to date any of the competitors on America’s Next Top Model. Those girls are incredibly insecure in a really bad way. A chance to get nasty with Tyra is not to be passed up. Although she’ll probably break up with you by showing you a picture of her next lover. If Raj and Howard want to get laid by reality stars, they ought to visit the location of HBO’s Cathouse. Now those girls are open to hooking up with fans (if they have a valid credit card).
Joe Corey has worked as local crew on numerous reality shows including Candid Camera, Rescue 911, Battle for Ozzfest and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. He mostly recently worked as Associate Producer on the documentary Moving Midway that should be coming to TV this Spring.
