Hollywood week has finally arrived. Nearly 100,000 hopefuls have been reduced to 146 golden tickets. Many of the faces in the teaser clips are complete strangers. Why were they hidden from us in the nationwide auditions? They’ve arrived at a vocal cockfight arena that will soon be used for the Oscars. It’s kinda strange that they are whittling down the folks in the Kodak Theatre since that’s the home of the finale.
There’s a new twist this time around. They have a boot camp with stylists and hairdressers to poof them up. There’s now singing coaches. They bring in Barry Manilow to give a lecture. Will he tell them stories about backstage of Clay Aiken’s Christmas special? Can this guy’s face look anymore like a department story dummy? His skin is tighter than an corporate expense account. It is nice that the kids get a little something out of there first days of Hollywood instead of elimination rounds. Mom will be impressed at them meeting Barry Manilow.
The first cut appears to be the deepest. The kids are brought out in groups of eight to perform another short acapella piece. They seem to sing less than when they were doing the first round auditions.
The first group has Lil Rounds unleash the high notes of “I Will Always Love You.” The judges gush. I don’t think she knows more than the chorus, but that’s all she needs. Dennis Brigham does a little Stevie Wonder. He changes the lines to suck up to Paula and Kara. Simon can’t deal with his facial expressions. “I don’t think anyone can take you seriously as a performing artist.” Lil and four other folks go through. Dennis is pissed that he got kicked out. He throws a musical tantrum. “You’ll suck as judges,” he says. He attacks Simon’s cheap pants.
The judges really don’t seem happy. They don’t even show who made it through the second batch of people. Kara praises Lil. Nathaniel Marshall explains his song choice. Simon rolls his eyes. Paula liked his vocals, but felt the song had zero range. Nathaniel starts crying. Don’t do that. Anoop Desai does well. Jasmine Murray sails through. Rose Flack looks cute, but her boot camp rehearsal ended in a breakdown afterward. She fears her voice isn’t cutting it. On the audition stage her version of “Sitting on the Dock” has too much warble. But the entire group of 8 goes through. It’s hard to see Rose going to far in the competition. Maybe if she plays her cards right, she’ll get one of those “special American Idol correspondent gigs.
Stephen Fowler hits the soulful notes with a Stevie Wonder song. Jorge Nunez overcomes his big yellow scarf. Von Smith gives the Jessica Simpson face during his song. Simon hates it. Von looks dead. But he gets to stay along with the other two and few unidentified strangers. How do you tell your parents that you went to Hollywood when you can only only be seen on camera if they freeze frame and slo-mo. Another batch of no names get cut and promise to come back next year.
Nick Mitchell (better known as Norman Gentle) promises to be serious. He still hits the stage in his Norman persona. Simon just gives up on caring when Norman does “And I’m Telling You” from Dreamgirls while pointing out people in the crowd. Simon says Nick’s boring without the sweatbands and glasses and a joke when he wears them. Can’t please Simon either way. But somehow Simon puts the guy through to the next round. Is Simon doing this to get a cut of Norman’s William Hung cash? Think of how the show demanded their cut from Josiah Leming when he signed with Warners? The guy got cut and embarrassed by the show and yet they claimed a piece of his soul. He did get his record out.
The second half has the rest of the kids arriving in a Ford SUV ad. Jackie Tohn swears she’s 28. She works the raspy Janis Joplin angle. Randy likes her wild attitude. He likes her. She’s the only person we get identified with her group. At least Jackie seems nice enough. We get a montage of people who crashed and burned.
Jamar Rogers and Danny Gokey’s friendship is explored. Danny’s still overcoming the death of his wife. Jamar Rogers does “California Dreaming” that sounds like a “Living Colour” take. Randy is a fan. Danny Gokey unleashes “Kiss From a Rose.” Why this song? Seal barely works it. Danny’s not that bad with it. Paula swears this guy is ready to record albums. They both get through. We get a quick montage of nameless winners this time. Hopefully we’ll see them tomorrow with names under their mugs.
I’m so hyped for Push. Dakota Fanning is finally cashing in on dopey scripts. They’re showing the new Alltell ad with the evil cell phone rep’s van on top of a garbage truck. Did you notice there’s now only three guys plotting against Alltell’s Chad? Turns out Verizon bought Alltell so their rep is no longer evil. Always sad when people get laid off because of a merger.
The Bikini Girl is back! She is dressed this time. What a shame to cover her best assets. We get a recap of her feud with Kara. Bikini Girl cares about Simon only. She keeps kissing Ryan. The Indian from the Village People did better liplocking in Can’t Stop the Music. Katrina Darrell does Faith Hill’s “Breathe.” She’s rather lackluster. Kara thought the song started off good, but went downhill. It’s a cat fight. Simon thinks she needs musicians behind her. The guys both support her. She and her 7 anonymous friends get through. We get another batch of losers. The girl who brought the dog gets rejected.
The roughneck Jeremy Sarver goes for the big voice sound. Jesus Valenzula seems OK, but not shining. He gets cut and Jeremy gets though. Jesus wants to get the first flight back home to get to work.
The last line has David Osmond. He really looks like an Osmond. Erika Wesley is listed as an FBI agent. She knows who got through. Pink hair, punk rocker Emily Hughes wants to do “Put a Spell On You.” But decides to swap it up for No Doubt’s “Excuse Me, Mister.” It’s a trainwreck. Why do people change it up when it matters most? She still gets through with the Osmond. Erika is pissed that she was the only person of the 8 sent home. She begs for one more shot. Paula was the only pro-vote although she changed her vote at the end. It gets nasty. Being an FBI agent, she will have Simon’s phone tapped and mail opened. We gets a quickie review of earlier winners. At the end, 104 contestants are through to the next elimination round. It felt like they dumped more than 42 people. The sneak preview is for the Group Round. They promise us plenty of crying. Make sure you have a fresh box of tissues next to your remote control.
