Making Movie History: Christmas In May, I Don't Think So

Yeah yeah, so Wolverine is opening today and I could very well make my way through the X-Men franchise or some other comic book themed group of movies but I’m not gonna. My issues this week stem from something that bugs the ever living hell out of me. Sure yall know that remakes or non-originality irks me to no end, but the other movie that is coming out today just makes my ass hurt.

I’m bitching about one film stealing ideas from another one? Can you believe it?

There’s a difference here this week folks and it is because this could quite possibly be one of the most ridiculous plot-stealing ideas in cinematic history. I can understand horror movies taking ideas or even kill scenes from others in the same category because there is only so much you can do there. Although there are still some directors and writers making me proud at times with their new and innovative characters, ideas, death scenes, and overall horror films. Adam Green is one of those directors/writers because of such phenomenal flicks like Hatchet and Spiral. He has some other things in the works too so I can’t wait to see them and the other great things he brings in the world of horror. Anyone and everyone should really che…sorry, moving on.

Don’t go doing me any favors out in Hollywood and give me movies that bring me into the realm of Christmas by making a common everyday movie with the same plot. Don’t piss me off by taking an idea that is so blatantly from a holiday classic and pawning it off as your own. Don’t alter something that makes me get in the holiday spirit by turning it into a cheap and quick way of making a buck because the sheep out there will spend their cash to go see it. And don’t you dare try to make me believe that Matthew McConaughey is talented.

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A Christmas Carol (1938)



By now you should all know this story inside and out. A man by the name of Ebeneezer Scrooge is a crotchety old miser that cares about no-one but himself and nothing but his money. Christmas time has come around the spirit just doesn’t get into him like it does for everyone else, but there are a few spirits that will end up changing his mind. Three spirits come to Scrooge in form of the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future to show Mr. Scrooge exactly what has happened, is happening, and will happen if he continues his miserly ways. It is simply up to him to determine whether any of it is worth changing his horrible views of Christmas.

It’s a classic and wonderful story that has been redone at least eighty times. Seriously, go check out IMDB and see just how many different versions there are of this movie. It’s insane, but this story is well worth as many new views as possible because it is something that needs to be kept alive and going for centuries. Kids today need to see it and then their kids and then their kids and so on. My father introduced me to this as a child and I’ve seen countless versions, but this is the one I liked the most. That and the book because it is really a great story that needs to be read to get the full grasp of it all.

Do yourself a favor…pick up a copy.


Scrooged



Considering just how many different versions there are of A Christmas Carol without ever quite changing the format; it was due time for a big change. Everyone knows the story even if they haven’t seen one of the fifty million remakes of it with different actors and slight changes here and there. The story is great but how much self-loathing to self-responsibility can you take? It’s played out and there have been tons of renovations and versions of that story making it almost impossible to remember what the original was all about, but Scrooged can easily jog your memory. The original story is retold very well but with a modern (modern for 1988) twist that made it hilarious and much more interesting so that it was easier to pay full attention to it.

The three spirits are hilarious, nutty, and scary. Bill Murray is perfect in the role of Frank Cross (Scrooge) generating enough meanness for everyone to completely detest him. It’s what you’re supposed to do and he pulls it off to the point where you despise him instead of just being annoyed with him like most Scrooges end up doing. It will make you remember the feelings of Christmas, eat at your soul when a certain someone ends up frozen to death, and make you crack up when Cross gives his ranting and raving speech while walking into the mission.


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Mickey’s Christmas Carol



Perhaps the greatest version of Charles Dickens’ classic story is the one that includes all of the wonderful characters of Disney. Uncle Scrooge of course stars as Mr. Scrooge while Bob Cratchit is played by none other then Mickey Mouse. Others such as Donald Duck, Pete, and Goofy are included as well as those characters rarely seen like Mr. Toad, Willie the Giant, and the Big Bad Wolf. Numerous other characters have bit parts while some actually play very important roles in the child-like, yet still quite realistic, retelling of this timeless wonder.

My Christmas spirit just is never quite at full power until my first viewing of Mickey’s Christmas Carol because it is something that has become a tradition not only with me, but my entire family since its release back in 1983. In less then half an hour, the entire tale showcasing the true meaning of Christmas is told in ways that will entertain every single member of the family, young and old. But be forewarned because some of the scenes foretelling Scrooge of what his future will be like are quite sad at times and even downright frightening at others. It’s a great story though and needs to be seen by all so that they can really get a warm feeling inside of them about Christmas and togetherness courtesy of the Disney gang.


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Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past



Oh My God, REALLY?

Let’s dissect this really quickly shall we? Matthew McConaughey’s annoying ass self plays the role Connor Mead, a man that seems to be a bit of a womanizer. He is attending the wedding of his younger brother and ends up being visited by their Uncle Wayne who lets Connor know that tonight he’ll be visited by three spiri…err, ghosts. They are the ghosts of three of his past girlfriends and will hopefully get into his head to see what he should be doing with his life.

Again…REALLY?

How is this not A Christmas Carol again? How is this an innovative idea for a film whatsoever? How is this even going to be remotely decent since it has a moron in the lead role? The dude was remotely decent in both Tropic Thunder and Dazed & Confused but that’s only because he wasn’t in them long enough to totally piss me off. His only other decent role was when he starred in a segment on an episode of Unsolved Mysteries very long ago and was shot to death by a pedophile. It’s true, look it up.

But the thing here is that they are blatantly ripping off Charles Dickens’ classic story and turning it into this God forsaken piece of crap just to make a few bucks off of something that is so totally unoriginal that it makes me want to sic Santa Claus on their asses. It’s just ridiculous to even release this film let alone for Michael Douglas to have any part of this. You make me sad Douglas…make me sad.



God I’m just so angry right now. Who allows these bitches to do this? I want to maim everyone involved. It makes no sense and just needs to be nipped in the bud with a machine gun or a very blunt object to the temple of everyone who had a part of Ghost Of Girlfriends Past.

Seriously, I’m upset about this whole thing.

Fuck it, I’m out. See yall next week. And if you spend money on this shit; I swear to God I’ll come to your house with a bat.

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