The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – April 19 1993
– Taped from New York.
– Your hosts are Vince, Randy, and for the last time, Rob Bartlett. Thanks to Rob for taking the time to comment on last week’s RAW rant and acknowledging how terrible an announcer he was.
Razor Ramon v. Virgil
They trade wristlocks to start and Razor makes the ropes to escape. Ramon takes him down with a headlock and Virgil counters out, so Razor gives him a shot in the corner. Virgil cradles for two, however, and hiptosses him into a rollup attempt that they somehow manage to mess up. Virgil tries to follow with a dropkick, but Ramon evades him and stomps away to take over. He hooks the abdominal stretch as the crowd is clearly cheering for the heel Ramon at this point. Ramon slams him and slaps him around, then chokes him out on the ropes. He applies a half-assed STF, but Virgil makes the ropes…and the crowd continues chanting "Razor". Virgil makes the comeback with a flying clothesline, but misses a bodypress and Razor squashes him like a bug with the Razor’s Edge at 6:55. Boring match, interesting crowd dynamic. *1/4
Giant Gonzalez v. LA Gore
Wait a sec, does this make Gonzalez ManBearPig? Gonzalez pounds away on Gore and puts him down with a big boot, then chokeslams him for the pin at 1:13.
Meanwhile, Luna Vachon cuts a crazed promo on Sherri. I’m assuming this was supposed to be leading to a match or a payoff of some sort, but it never did that I can recall.
Tatanka v. Art Thomas
Wow, Thomas is JACKED. Surprised he didn’t get a job and a push just based on his look. I’m assuming he’s no relation to "Sailor" Art Thomas. Thomas pounds away in the corner and gets a back elbow, but Tatanka goes to the arm, only to miss the elbowdrop. That’s enough for him, however, as it’s the Pissed Off Racial Stereotype comeback and Papoose to Go at 2:28.
Money Inc. v. The Beverly Brothers
Big brawl to start and the Bevs clear the ring as Vince notes "no one really cares who wins this match, I don’t think". I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments. We start properly with Dibiase and Blake as Vince is being fairly open with his disdain for Rob on commentary. Dibiase boots Blake down, but misses an elbow and gets slammed. The Beverlies work the arm as they’re apparently trying to play babyface despite doing their heel entrance. Whatever. Then they start cheating and double-team Dibiase behind the ref’s back before going back to the arm again. Blake chokes away in the corner, but runs into an elbow and IRS comes in. He misses an elbow and the Bevs go to work on his arm now. I really don’t care who I’m supposed to be cheering for, but I really wish they’d pick sides and get the heat on someone. They choke IRS out in the corner and we take a break from all the excitement. Back with Beau now getting double-teamed by Money Inc. and apparently playing face-in-peril. MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS. Beau comes back with a neckbreaker on Dibiase and makes the hot tag to Blake, who gets a pair of backdrops on Dibiase for two. Sadly, the Bevs try another double-team, screw it up, and Dibiase cradles Blake for the pin at 10:57. I hate to see fake families splintered like that. This was ungodly boring and they couldn’t even decide who was supposed to be getting the heat. And did anyone really buy the Beverlies as a serious threat? DUD
Bret Hart joins us to emphasize that he’s not done and he’ll be back for bigger and better things. And he would! First up on his revenge tour: Lex Luger. That one never led anywhere either, unless they did a house show swing together.
Bam Bam Bigelow v. Phil Apollo
Bigelow overpowers him and pounds the crap out of him with shoulderblocks, then a flying forearm and neck vice. Bigelow swats him down on a dropkick attempt and suplexes him as Doink makes his way down the aisle for some reason. You’re a year too early and the wrong guy for that feud, clown. Bigelow pays him no attention and squashes Apollo with an avalanche, then hits him with a senton splash and puts him out of his misery with the flying headbutt at 4:40. Friar Ferguson comes out to bless the fallen Apollo and save him from any further beatings. They actually had a FEUD booked for the guy?
Next week: Crush v. Lex Luger! And a new color commentator! And hopefully a less painfully dull show!
