Inside Pulse WWE Monday Night RAW Report – 03.15.2010

We open RAW with a recap of Cena v. McMahon (and several other people).

Michael Cole is calling tonight a “Vintage RAW”. We have HBK/Jericho and Triple H/Randy Orton slated up in respective WrestleMania Rewind rematches. Steve Austin wastes no time making his appearance tonight as the folks in WWE are starting to take TNA and their 1.0 + 1.0 DOES NOT EQUAL 2.0 as a huge threat. He wants to open up a fat can of whoop ass tonight. He’s thirsty for some Steveweisers and he asks us if we’re ready for tonight and for WrestleMania. WrestleMania XIII was a defining moment for Steve when he passed out to Bret Hart’s sharpshooter. Steve gives Bret Hart tons of respect and he mentions the Hart/McMahon match. He is here tonight to oversee the contract signing. He’s gonna take care of business tonight.

OMGOMGOMG IWC ALERT! IWC ALERT!

OK, now that the IWC collective just finished jizzing their pants. Steve teases a stunner to Cena, but disses him with the waving hand and he takes his leave.

And it’s the Big Show.

WrestleMania Rewind: John Cena v. Big Show

As if we haven’t seen this one before. Only difference is that Cena has the wounds of a warrior and Big Show has the wounds of embarrassment from last week. More after the break.

Commercials.

We’re back and as expected, Cena is wishing he got Stunnered. He tries for the STF, but Big Show is too damned strong. Cena picks Big Show up, but Big Show squashes Cena for a near fall. Show proves to us that the 2nd rope splash always fails. Cena does his comeback and Batista interrupts him as expected. Big Show takes advantage and scores…a two count. KO Punch sends Cena to WrestleMania and Dave smiles.

Winner: Big Show
Grade: C+

Commercials.

And we know who’s the loser tonight as Evan Bourne is ready to lose his third match against Sheamus.

Sheamus v. Evan Bourne

Sheamus tries to cut a promo, but decides to club Evan with the microphone. Bicycle Kick follows and the Irish Curse finishes. Bourne gets some good hangtime from that move. He finishes his promo and he calls out Triple H for being a selfish prick. Ummm, it’s 2010, Sheamus. Triple H hasn’t been a prick for a couple years. Sheamus wants payback and he wants to beat Hunter so bad that he’ll never be the same again. Ooooh, He wants the throne. Gotta say, that was his best promo.

No Match

Shawn catches up with Steve and he asks him if he can beat the Undertaker. Steve believes that the streak goes to 18-0. Enter Jericho and he brags about being the World Champion. Shawn leaves and Jericho kisses up to Steve, reminding him about being the first undisputed champion. HAHAHA!

Commercials.

Kelly Kelly v. Maryse

They taunt each other and it’s CATFIGHT! Kelly dominates the early portion, but Maryse hits the French Kiss for the win. One move Maryse rules!

Winner: Maryse
Grade: F

Post match, Maryse is still pissed that Kelly showed her up. Here comes Gail Kim and Eve Torres and the Diva’s Champion goes down. Layla and Michelle McCool from SmackDown come in and they dispatch the RAW divas. Eve tries a comeback, but McCool botches a simple kick with no help from Layla. Vickie Guerrero looks on intrigued.

Commercials.

We recap Taker/HBK.

WrestleMania Rewind: Shawn Michaels v. Chris Jericho

Up next.

Commercials.

Shawn starts off strong against the World Champion. Jericho finds an opening by sending Shawn into the ring post. Back and forth action seeing Shawn taking a bump outside the ring. Jericho takes control. The match pace quickly slows down, but Shawn tries for a comeback. Jericho counters the comeback with the bulldog and lionsault – which landed on HBK’s knees. Elbow drop by HBK and the band gets tuned. Jericho leaves the ring for good.

Winner: Shawn Michaels
Grade: C+

Edge comes out and spears Jericho. Seems to be a recurring theme for them lately.

Commercials.

Preview for Steve Austin’s new movie is shown.

Recap of Orton/Legacy from last week.

Randy prepares for his match as Josh Matthews comes in to interview him. He hates Triple H, but he respects him and he takes him seriously. He doesn’t take DiBiase and Rhodes seriously, though.

Triple H walks.

Commercials.

We recap what happened earlier tonight.

WrestleMania Rewind: Triple H v. Randy Orton

Back and forth action to start things off. Trips takes control and Orton can’t hit his textbook dropkick. Orton sends Trips up and over and it looks like he lands on the steel steps arm first. Trips counters the DDT and he sends Orton out of the ring. Orto tries the DDT off the steps and he connects.

Commercials.

Orton continues to be in control. RKO attempt and here comes the Game! Back and forth punches and here is the vintage knee! Formulatic knee smash from Trips, but Orton counters the next move in his repitoire by hitting a quick powerslam. Orton walks into it…SPINEBUSTER. No dice, homeslice. Pedigree attempt is countered to a backdrop and both men take each other down. Orton snaps Trips off the ropes, but Trips gets the Pedigree in. Legacy comes in to attack Triple H, then Orton.

Winner via DQ: Triple H
Grade: B-

Trips tries to save Orton, but Sheamus comes in and he takes Trips down. CrossRhodes connects on Orton outside the ring.

Commercials.

Hall of Fame Moment: Gorgeous George

Batista v. Kofi Kingston

And everyone wonders what role Kofi will have at WrestleMania 26. Batista takes it to Kofi in the early going. Kofi tries a quick comeback, but the action spills outside the ring. PELE KICK by Kofi BUSTING BATISTA OPEN! Kofi tries a springboard, but Batista is PISSED OFF! Batista hits the Bomb and it’s over.

Winner: Batista
Grade:D

Commercials.

WrestleMania Recall: Pete Rose gets Tombstoned by Kane in 1998

Hart/McMahon Contract Signing

Steve Austin brings up Stu Hart supposed to be inducted in the Hall of Fame, and he tells Vince to sit his ass down. Steve decrees that Stu Hart will be in the Hall of Fame. Vince won’t have a problem with it and he trash talks the Hart family name. He promises Bret that he’ll make his life a living hell at WrestleMania. Bret doesn’t want a wrestling match – BUT A NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH! Of course, because of this – Bret screwed Bret once again. Bret signs the contract as does Vince. Steve makes it official and he hopes that Vince *censored*. On the top of the ramp, Steve decrees…or he lets Bret tell him himself. The cast is on the table. HE SCREWED VINCE! Bret hits Vince with the cast and that is all she wrote tonight.

Show over.

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