WWE Monday Night RAW Report: It’s “Money” in the Bank

Some things happened last week, but never fear…because IT’S TIME TO GET RAW!

We recap the beatdown of Vince McMahon and we have no further updates on Vince’s condition. Wade Barrett is currently at WWE Headquarters listening to people and that the “Email GM” will update us on what punishment the Nexus will face later tonight.

Here comes the WWE Champion, Sheamus. He watched the footage from last week and he’s disgusted. As the champion, he felt it’s his responsibility to make a statement from a company representative. He steals Cena’s line and says that he would have beaten Cena regardless. He’s in all smiles because Cena is no longer the #1 Contender. So, he doesn’t have to put up with everything Cena-related. He then calls himself a human jar of mayo and how that despises him.

HERE COMES CENA! Sheamus isn’t too happy as Cena seems to be in all smiles. Sheamus wants to see why Cena is here. Hell, Cena isn’t out here for another title shot. He’s out here asking for help. Cena knows the Nexus is going after the tall block of cream cheese, Sheamus. He tells Sheamus that if he wants to keep the title and his career and help Cena out with the Nexus. Cena wants an all-out brawl.

Oh God, Michael Cole steps upto the podium to read the Email GM’s decree. He’ll rule next week on the punishment for Nexus. He will let Wade Barrett present his case and if the remaining Nexus members attack the locker room, they lose their jobs. However, if any of the WWE stars start the violence…they get suspended. Cena decides to want another title match. Email GM books Sheamus against Mark Henry. Cena wants the Email GM to email Cena at candypants@gmail.org. Weird.

Email GM strikes again, hyping Money in the Bank. Sheamus is tired of this crap, so he leaves. Email GM strikes yet again and he drops a steel cage with Cena still in the ring. At Money in the Bank, we get Cena v. Sheamus in a steel cage.

Anyone already tired of the Email GM already?

Commercials.

The Hart Dynasty makes their way to the ring for a six person tag, but they get ambushed by the Usos and Tamina. Tamina hasn’t had enough yet as she goes for a splash on Natalya. No match.

Josh Matthews is with R-Truth and he feels that the Nexus should stay with the WWE and have to face the wrath of the Truth.

Commercials.

Slam of the Week: The Odd Couple danced off three weeks ago.

Vladimir Koslov v. Santino Marella

If Santino wins, we get a new tag team in the WWE.. Bell rings and Santino locks the waist for no available. Mat-based wrestling to start things off as it seems Vladimir is toying with Santino. Belly to belly gets two for Vladimir. Waist lock by Vladimir…powered out by Santino? Iron Curtain by Vladimir…good night.

Winner: Vladimir Koslov
Grade: FTS

William Regal congratulates Koslov for a victory and he beats the hell out of Santino. Koslov comes back and he boots Regal out of the ring. He carries Santino up the ramp like his lost puppy dog.

Josh Matthews asks Khali what should be done with Nexus and it seems Runjin leaves Khali after calling him a stupid giant. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON TONIGHT?

Commercials.

Well, we’re back and here comes Rob Zombie. He loves sick and twisted things. He’s here to announce the eight participants in the RAW Money in the Bank Match. Randy Orton, The Miz, R-Truth, Chris Jericho, Evan Bourne, Ted DiBiase, John Morrison, & Edge. Here comes Edge, who hasn’t spoke to Rob since Rob took his music back from Edge. Edge reminds us that he won the first Money in the Bank match. We even get footage! Wow, Lita looks good in the rewind. He vows to win the Money in the Bank match. The Email GM has sent another notice and the main event is a eight man tag pitting the heels versus the faces.

Commercials.

Sheamus v. Mark Henry

Sheamus attacks early and often, but Henry no-sells and he sends Sheamus in the ropes. Sheamus hits a DDT and Mark Henry starts learning quickly that Sheamus > Henry. Chinlock applied and here comes the World’s Strongest Man into a big boot. Botched clothesline by Henry, but Sheamus tries to come back. Big splash connects, but Sheamus finds the ropes. The match spills out of the ring and Sheamus gets tossed back inside. Pump Kick by Sheamus seals Henry’s fate.

Winner: Sheamus
Grade: D-

Josh Matthews is with the Nexus and it seems a poor audio/video guy gets knocked out. So the edict only applies to WWE Superstars. This means Cole and King get laid out at the end of the show.

Commercials.

Jerry Lawler is in the ring to hype a DVD for Ricky Steamboat. Here’s a shock, Steamboat is in the house! This is going to need a dose of Awesomeness I am predicting. Holy Hell! Arn Anderson, Dean Malenko, Michael P.S. Hayes, and Mike Rontundo! Still needs the Miz, however. The legends give Steamboat their props. Damn, no Miz, but we get the Nexus and the legends take their coats off and brace for a fight. At least it’s an even fight at six on six. It takes them a little bit, but they drag one out and make waste of him. Another bites the dust. Seems they wait to grab one and it’s down to King, Steamboat, and Hayes in the ring. The Nexus gets in the ring and they beat the hell out of everyone. Now it’s going to be six on one with Steamboat taking the fall. Steamboat tries his best, but it’s all for naught.

Commercials.

We recap the Nexus attack. It seems that the legends are not WWE superstars – even if Jerry Lawler wrestles once in a blue moon. Gotta love stipulations upon stipulations.

Commercials.

Alicia Fox & Maryse v. Gail Kim & Eve Torres

Eve and Alicia start things off and it’s botch city as Alicia doesn’t work the sunset flip attempt and opts to drop her knee on Eve. Snapmare by Alicia…almost taking Eve’s neck off. Here comes Maryse and the wrestling should be better. She handles Eve before tagging back Alicia, thus making things worse. Eve evades a charge from Alicia and here comes Gail Kim. Perfect hurrancurana by Kim and a nice tilt-a-whirl counter for Kim. Alicia leaves the ring before getting mugged by Eve. Gail gets the hair and Maryse stops that. Scissors Kick by Alicia ends what could have been a painful match.

Winners: Alicia Fox & Maryse
Grade: D

Main event is NEXT!

Commercials.

We recap the Nexus attack once again, because we have more than enough time left to do such a thing.

Eight Man Tag Team “Mega Match”: Edge, Miz, Chris Jericho, & Ted DiBiase v. Randy Orton, Evan Bourne, John Morrison, & R-Truth

Commercials.

DiBiase and Morrison start off with Morrison having fun at DiBiase’s expense. Truth comes in and he dispatches DiBiase over the top and here comes Bourne with the kick off the apron! Back in the ring, Bourne takes it to DiBiase and scores a two count. Tag to Miz and Bourne gets a huge move before Miz takes control. Drop toe hold by Bourne sends Miz to the corner. Cover gets two. Miz cuts Bourne off in the past and here comes Jericho. No mention of Jericho’s new venture. Guillotine drop collides and he baseball slides Bourne out of the ring. He goes on the attack out of the ring and he brings Bourne back in. Slaps ensue and Bourne can’t get a tag. Tag to the Miz and he continues to own Bourne. HERE COMES BOURNE! He tags Morrison in and here comes old-partner rage! Starship Pain is halted, no bother…PLANCHA onto both men! Break time!

Commercials.

We’re back and Morrison is in trouble. Jericho keeps Morrison grounded before tagging Edge in and he continues the pressure, keeping Morrison from tagging out. Tag to DiBiase and Morrison is still in trouble. Morrison gets sent to the corner and here comes the comeback. Scoop slam by DiBiase gets a two count. Headlock applied and we get another tag for Edge and he kicks Morrison’s lights out. Spear attempt and Morrison moves out of the way! Edge grabs Morrison’s leg…ENZUGIRI! Tag to Jericho and all is forgiven from their rivalry. Bourne takes the tag on the other side and he makes Jericho pay for the win last week. To the ropes we go and Bourne knocks Jericho down! AirBourne misses, but Bourne lands on his feet! CODEBREAKER! Both men are down. Jericho tags in DiBiase and HERE COMES ORTON! RKO! PINFALL!

Winners: Team Orton
Grade: A

Edge brings the ladder into play and it’s BONZO GONZO from here! The Miz is your last man standing and he makes that point made. Miz takes his time so Orton can knock him off the ladder. Orton then stares at the ladder and he takes the briefcase off the hook.

Show over.

The Inside Pulse

I got to admit, the main event was better than I expected, so it keeps the overall show grade at around a C. Too much junk in the beginning, a bait and switch from the “Email GM” who promised that action would be taken tonight, but now it’ll be next week. We had a non-match that would have been better than a couple matches that were shown. Not good, but not bad so it’s just average.

See you next time.

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