-First off, I just want to say that I HATE that Jim Ross has been taken out of the “WWE Opening.” I don’t know what he could have done to make the higher-ups decide to take him out, but replacing his classic calls with Michael Cole’s weak “this atmosphere is electric” line and John Cena’s proud, but mistimed “the champ is here” just ruins the whole thing for me. Was this because he dared to show up to a UFC show? Ugh. I’m hoping it’s part of a storyline where Cole insisted on it because he was an evil little shit all along.
-Okay, enough griping. Nexus is here tonight, and shizzle is gonna go dizzle, nizzle.
-Matt Striker is in the ring with Ashley Valence. They both seem chipper. Ashley introduces the Pros, and Mark Henry gets a MAJOR pop. No idea why. Morrison is selling the injuries from last night (good boy), and Cody Rhodes’ cocky smile makes my heart sing in the most heterosexual way possible. Seriously, I’m good. Zach Ryder gets NO reaction. At all. That’s a shame, as I like him, but, to be fair, absolutely nothing has been done with the guy. MVP and Kofi get large pops, and when the Miz comes out, Mark Henry needs to be held back so that he doesn’t rip the US champ’s head off. Miz has really been pushed as a serious threat as of late. You know, Mark, maybe Miz wouldn’t have hurt you so bad if you didn’t have so big a chance of stinking up the match this Sunday. Honestly, why is Mark Henry a better choice to have in a ladder match than R-Truth? I await your logical arguments, which I imagine will be along the lines of “He are big and strong.”
-Nexus comes out and are booed viciously. Darren Young is still MIA. Barrett says it’s a privelege to be here tonight, as it’s a triumphant return to the show that gave them their start. They wish the Rookies the best (which fits in their characters, frankly), and also hopes the Pros don’t instigate any trouble tonight, as Nexus plans to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
Match One: Alex Riley and The Miz vs. Lucky Cannon and Mark Henry
-Wow, Alex Riley’s got some abs going on. Attempted handshake on Henry, and Riley, naturally, tries to double cross him, but Henry catches his foot and clotheslines him out of his boots. Henry wants Miz, and he is NOT messing around. Miz, for his part, stays as far away as possible, throwing Riley back to the dogs. Henry starts trying to FORCE Riley to tag Miz, but eventually gets frustrated and brings Cannon in. Cannon knocks Riley out of the ring with a clothesline, and Cannon follows up with a plancha and, not knowing where the stairs were hiding, apparently, hits Riley and smacks his face on the aforementioned stairs simeltaneously. Good job there, sport.
I hate my laptop, and I’ll tell you why. I just spent the last ten minutes writing a paragraph and, in an accidental brush of my touchpad, eliminated the entire thing. Thus, I’ll give you the breakdown, as I’m not watching that all over again: Riley did a cool hiptoss/neckbreaker thing, Cannon has a weak powerslam, I’m starting to get a bit tired of Cole verbally felating Miz, and Mark Henry beat up Miz and World’s Strongest Slammed Riley when Miz escaped to the outside. There, done, and Asus Laptop, I apologize for saying that I hated you. I love you, but that is NOT COOL.
Winners: Mark Henry and Lucky Cannon
-Post-match, Henry and Cannon cover Riley in garbage in a nod to the Miz’s foul deeds last night. Continuity! Wow, that’s a lot of garbage in the ringside can. How much stuff are they throwing out down there?
Rookie Video Package: Alex Riley
-Zach Ryder: “I think Alex Riley needs to get over the fact that he was cool in high school.” Cody Rhodes: “It’s 2010 and Alex Riley has got a letterman jacket. And believe it or not, I believe the “Riley”…is bejeweled.” People think he’s entertaining, but he’s also kind of annoying…you know…like The Miz.
-Oh right! Percy Watson gets his own talk show tonight. If nothing else, this should be…fascinating.
-Recap of Money in the Bank match from Wrestlemania, and a rundown of those matches this Sunday. There’s also a quick recap of Raw from last night. That’s it. Percy Watson is next!
-Oh man, I hope Percy Watson knows what he’s doing. Obviously, his furniture has been stolen from Abraham Washington. HIs movements are just so weird, but at the same time, he’s so unique that you can’t really deny there’s an odd appeal to him. He can talk, that’s for sure, even if it’s all in this bizarre character. His guest is MVP, who seems to get a kick out of the whole thing, but Watson immediately gets on my good side by immediately asking his guest for 20 dollars. That amuses me for some reason. However, he follows that up by thanking him for all of the help and advice that MVP has given him. He also talks about how MVP always tells him to seize opportunity..and how he’s going to do that right now.
-MVP, not surprisingly, is a bit perplexed. The smile leaves Watson’s face, and all of the Season Two Rookies come down. All of the rookies line up on one side of the ring, but MVP calls the Pros down, and they oblige. Matt Striker comes out and interrupts the whole thing. He calls for a battle royale, but Wade Barrett wants to add his guys to the fray, saying that battle royals are “every man for himself,” and that at the end, he’s going to win the whole thing. Works for Striker, and so we’ll get our 20-man battle royale after these messages.
Match Two: Battle Royale
-Everyone’s in the ring, unsure of how this thing should start. Mark Henry stands in the center of the ring like a tree. The bell rings, and every member of the Nexus immediately slides out of the bottom and middle ropes. Naturally, everyone teams up on Mrk Henry first and gets him out. As soon as he’s down, Nexus runs to Henry and just tears him apart, stomping the tar out of him and throwing him into the steel ringpost. Eli Cottonwood is out next, and he gets the same treatment, ending only after eating a killer clothesline from Sheffield. The announcers make a good point: now, everyone REALLY wants to stay in the ring, as they don’t want to be beaten to bloody pulps. MVP is out, circled by the Nexus, but Kofi and Morrison leave the ring to help him out. The Pros and the Rookies finally start to show some solidarity, and everyone turns their attention to Nexus. Oh man, is it on like Donkey Kong.
-Of course, that only lasts for a second before they turn on each other again, and Nexus now decides to enter the ring. Cole points out how Cody Rhodes and a few others attacked Kofi and Morrison, who were trying to hold off the Nexus. Huh. Percy’s out, as is…someone else, who I can’t make out. Riley was out, but now he’s back in, and I’ve no idea how that hapened. Perhaps he went out through the middle or bottom? McGillicutty’s out, and Nexus is all together in the corner. Husky Harris tries to go after them, but he gets dumped after they pound on him but good. Kaval and Riley are out, and Riley’s got a ton of blood on the back of his neck. Don’t know how that happened, but he’s being taken to the side to get cleaned up. All of the rookies are gone, and it’s Nexus on one side, Morrison, Kofi, Miz, Cody, and Ryder on the other. Ryder taunts them…for some reason. And Miz eliminates him. The other Pros yell at him, understandably so, and Miz starts telling Nexus about how he helped them get through Season One. Morrison: “You’re an idiot, Miz.” He offers a handshake, it seems…but then just decides to bail, and eliminates himself. Down to three Pros and Nexus, and Kingston and Morrison go after Nexus, but Cody ruins to go sit on the turnbuckle. He hangs out in the corner while the two faces get annihilated. This actually makes Morrison and Kofi look like heroes, while Cody is either a shrewed villain, or he’s part of the whole conspiracy. They throw Morrison over the top, but he hangs on, almost skinning the cat, and holds on to the top rope, wrapping his legs around them. It takes four men to pry him off.
-The crowd cheers for Kofi, but they just pound on him, Justin Gabriel casually walking oon te back of his neck. Kofi is, mercifully, eliminated, and now we get to find out what the deal with Cody Rhodes is. They surround him, and he tries to charm his way out, offering a handshake to Gabriel, then Otunga. I have a feeling that a beating is about to commence. Handshake offer to Barrett…and here comes the Rookie violence. Well, I guess Cody isn’t part of the conspiracy. Out he goes…and the bell rings. Nexus is announced as the winner, so I guess they’re not going to even pretend that it was “every man for himself.”
-Post match, the faces, and Cody, get beaten up some more. Cody eats an Otunga spinebuster, and they all drag him into place for Gabriel’s 450 splash. “Nexus Sucks” chant from the crowd. Striker gets in the ring to ask them what they think of that chant, and I like Barrett’s response: “Matt Striker, I’ve never had a problem with you before, but I’m not so sure that standing in this ring right now is the smartest thing you’ve ever done.” Striker backs up, forced into a corner by a few of the men. Wade says Season One of NXT has returned as Nexus, and that this is part of a much bigger picture. Striker, apparently not as smart as we all thought he was, asks, “Wade, with all due respect, are you proud of what you did to John Cena on Raw last night?” Wade, naturally, is. That’s when he busts out the new catchphrase: “You’re either Nexus, or you’re against us.”
-I have to say, the stuff with Nexus has been booked and performed beautifully. These guys are doing a sublime job of looking threatening and intelligent, and it takes more than good booking to do that. They’ve acted their parts personally and are easily the part of the show that I most look forward to. Tonight’s show, frankly, was a whole bunch of nothing special until the battle royale which, based on every wrestling law we know, should have been lousy. However, the booking for it made it must-see TV, and even though I don’t imagine they’ll be on NXT next week, the show was better for having them. Kudos, gentlemen.
-Now, all we need is a hero. Cena can’t do it alone, and we all know Sheamus is probably going to be secretly alligned with Nexus anyway. HHH is injured for a few months yet, so something needs to happen. I can picture Vince in a shadowy hallway, two months or so down the line, if this is still going on.
-“You want a contract? I can give it to you, but only on one condition. You have to take them out. All of them. You hurt them, you destroy each and every one of them…you’ll get your contract.”
-The camera cuts to a deadly serious Bryan Danielson.
-“I’ll see what I can do.”
-Fans poop pants.
Tags: Alex Riley, lucky cannon, Mark Henry, miz, nexus