What the World Was Watching: WWF Superstars – April 16, 1994

WWF Superstars

-Vince McMahon and Jerry “the King” Lawler are in the booth.

-Opening Contest: Lex Luger vs. George South:

South doesn’t appreciate the crowd’s “USA” chants at the beginning of the match and he elbows Luger in the face. Luger doesn’t sell South’s offense and proceeds to pound away and deliver a powerslam. Luger hits a suplex and a big elbow drop before putting South in the Rebel Rack and getting the submission victory at 1:39. Luger didn’t display the same mean streak that he had in the first show after WrestleMania, which takes a lot away from his character.

-Irwin R. Schyster reminds us of why we need to pay our taxes, why we cheat on our taxes, and why we shouldn’t cheat on our taxes. He warns us that if we don’t pay our taxes that he will show up and take away our health insurance, but I guess he can’t do that anymore because of Obamacare.

-Kwang (w/Harvey Wippleman) vs. Tatanka:

This is the much anticipated rematch between these two after their encounter a few weeks ago was ruined by IRS. Kwang catches Tatanka with a martial arts kick off and celebrates by spitting red mist into the air. A blind charge eats buckle and Tatanka proceeds to chop his opponent from the top rope for two. Tatanka argues the count with Earl Hebner and that allows Kwang to seize the advantage and practice his martial arts skills. Kwang applies a nerve hold and that brings IRS to ringside. Thus far this is the SAME match that they had two weeks ago. After lots of nerve hold action, Kwang delivers a slam for two. More nerve hold action follows. IRS gets bored and starts playing with Tatanka’s headdress like a small child with ADHD, and when Tatanka charges out of the corner, Kwang spews green mist in his face and gets disqualified at 5:30. After the match, IRS beats up Tatanka, ties him in the ropes, and shreds his headdress because he never paid taxes on it. Chief Jay Strongbow comes out to protest and quickly gets beaten down as well. After IRS leaves, Tatanka screams to the heavens. Was it really necessary to give us a horrid Tatanka-Kwang rematch when they could’ve had IRS do this after a squash match? Rating: DUD

-McMahon and Lawler offer their opinions about IRS’s assault on Tatanka.

-Men on a Mission (w/Oscar) vs. The Black Phantom & Joey Stallings:

Mo and the Phantom start and after Mo runs through some basic maneuvers the Phantom goes to the eyes and pounds away. However, Mo showcases his agility by rolling around and clotheslines the Phantom. Mabel gets the tag and leg drops the back of the Phantom’s head after Mo traps the Phantom in a drop toe hold. After Mabel tires of beating on the Phantom, Stallings tags in, but runs into a Bossman slam. He falls victim to a Mabel spinning heel kick shortly thereafter and that’s the end of this thing at 2:57. There wasn’t much of a flow to this match after the leg drop spot, but Stallings some Mabel’s offense like a champ.

-Stan Lane talks about the Easter Egg Roll at the White House.

-Bam Bam Bigelow (w/Luna Vachon) vs. Mike Freeman:

Bigelow avalanches Freeman in the corner and spends a lot of time taunting fans and talking with Luna, but figures that he has a match to finish so he slams Freeman and finishes him with a moonsault at 1:49.

-Duke “the Dumpster” Droese says that he’s going to be in the WWF soon.

-The Heartbreak Hotel has Owen Hart as a special guest this week. Before Owen comes out, Shawn Michaels says that Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon needs to accept Diesel’s challenge and put the belt on the line. Owen says that he will face his brother again and he will win the title. Standard promo segment that continued the Bret-Owen issue.

-Earthquake vs. Eric Cody:

Joe Matterazzo is our guest ring announcer and he does a good job. Earthquake runs through his usual offense on Cody and finishes him with the Earthquake Splash at 1:47. Much better than Earthquake’s last Superstars squash because the bookers didn’t make him fill up four minutes of programming.

-Crush (w/Mr. Fuji) vs. Tony Roy:

Crush gets the honor of yelling at Nikolai Volkoff this week and when the match starts he misses a blind charge and Roy lands a couple of dropkicks. However, Crush catches him with a thrust kick and pounds away. Crush delivers a gorilla press slam and finishes Roy with a heart punch at 2:34. Although I wouldn’t want to take a heart punch, I thought the Kona Clutch was a better finisher.

-Stan Lane talks about the Bushwhackers role in the White House Easter Egg Roll.

-IRS tells Johnny Polo that Tatanka learned what happens to those who don’t pay their taxes.

-Tune in next week to see Razor Ramon defend the Intercontinental championship against Adam Bomb! Owen Hart and the Quebecers will be in action and Mr. Perfect will be a guest on the Heartbreak Hotel.

The Final Report Card: The IRS beat down of Tatanka was the highlight of the show, although that’s not really saying a lot. Kwang-Tatanka II was worse than I anticipated and the show never recovers.

Show Evaluation: Thumbs Down

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