Not that I’m really complaining, but we kick off the show with another Edge tribute. This somehow still manages to give me tears, but I’m happy to announce I no longer cry! What a female…anyway, the show must go on. Now, a recap of Christian winning the Battle Royale, and I think we’re prepared for the show!
Oh yeah, they’re in England. Completely forgot. The vacated Heavyweight belt is dangling above the ring. And oh hey look, Kane and Show are still teaming up. And Kofi will apparently get his rematch for the title. Sounds pretty good to me.
“Please welcome, the recently knighted, Sir Michael Cole!â€
No thank you. His obnoxiously stereotyped look is almost too much to bear, just like his throne.
Thank god for Cody Rhodes. He makes his way out, with a troop of people carting in paper bags. He begins to explain that his mask is for protection, whereas Rey wears his mask to hide. Last time he walked down that entrance, he was teaching the Brits to be a bit more “Dashingâ€â€¦how the times have changed! Aw, his paper back is decoratively cut out, and his Dapper Minions are handing them out to the fans. And surprisingly, most of them put it on. This is strangely intoxicating to watch. Now, he’s begging to be Drafted off of the show.
Right on cue, Rey Mysterio’s music begins. Time for a fight!
Bell rings, and Cody’s aggression appears as a thick cloud, but not for long. Rey ejects Cody from the ring, followed by a senton. Right when it’s about to heat up, we go to…
Commercial.
Come back to a leaping Rey to the top rope, only to be cut down by Cody. Lots of spinning and reversing from both, trading control. Cody stalks Rey in the corner, jumping out of the ring to wrap him around the pole. Back outside the ring…just kidding, right back in. Abrupt 619 position but he moves, Rey flies over the top rope but lands. Both outside the ropes before Rey is kicked hard into the steel post, tumbling to the ground and we have yet another…
Commercial.
And, we’re back again! We’re informed that Cody never lost his control over Rey during the commercials, and still no signs of weakness. Rey is thrown like a fastball into the corner. Cody picks him up, places him on the top rope, Superplex position, but Rey fights out, and down goes Cody. A tall senton, crossbody, pins for two. Rey rolls out of an attempted pin, goes for his favorite kick, Cody dodges, rolls up, for two. Rey again to the top rope, halted by a dropkick midair. Goes for CrossRhodes, countered, Rey goes up, back down, pins Cody and there’s no chance to roll out.
Grade: C+
Not a bad showing from either man. I feel like these two just work together, and bring out the absolute best of each other. Cody was so heavily in control the entire time, and he seems to be unstoppable. The post-match beat down kind of stole the match’s thunder, which is fine by me.
Cody attacks afterward, sliding Rey like a bowling ball, and is then tossed into the barricade. Not once, but twice. Then goes over the barricade, into the crowd, but Rey fights back! Back over the barricade, both on the ground, goes to throw Cody into the steel steps, reversed and takes it himself. Places gingerly on the barricade, both are fight atop it like a balance beam, and back into the crowd. Boom! Cody is shot-putted over the barricade at amazing heights, but gathers himself quick enough to strike back before finally hitting the CrossRhodes successfully. He places the bag over Rey’s head, and takes a moment to gloat in the ring before retreating.
Commercial.
The obligatory screen shot of Big Ben, and then to the locker room, we go! Justin is defending his actions of eliminating Barrett at the Battle Royale. Both are puffing out their chests when Senor Ginger comes up to remind them that there is no leader in the Corre. But Jackson begs to differ, calling himself his leader, before chuckling and claiming it was a joke. Some more pseudo-tension, and all are palling around again.
Oh no! A recap of “Couples Therapy†for LayCool, straight to the match last week and their further dissention. Back to therapy, real time. Both are still bickering about their contributions. They’re beginning to discuss breaking up, and Michelle accuses Layla of not being Flawless. This causes her to cry, and begin to leave. They hug, and all seems good before Michelle shoves Layla across the room. And now I’m sad.
Commercial.
Ugh. Cole is in the ring now. Recap of Raw and WHAT ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH IS WRONG WITH COLE’S FEET. Making JR kiss them? Hardly sanitary. Oh, the thoughts of a germaphobe. Back to the Raw recap, we see him getting knighted. Finally he cuts to the chase and introduces Swagger. Oh, I guess Trent Barreta is in the ring. Interesting.
Bell rings, and here we go. Barreta already being tossed from corner to corner, eats a few stomps, and Swagger is gloating. Barreta goes for his finisher but it’s dodged. A few more swift moves, but quickly enough, the Ankle Lock is placed and he’s tapping out.
Grade: F
Sigh.
Apparently Big Show did something for KCA and it was a ton of fun. Next!
Commercial.
Awesome. Kong. I can’t take the excitement!
Big Show and Kane come out. I’m pretty happy that they don’t even try to mashup the music. Nothing with ever, ever be as great as “Crank the Walls Downâ€. JeriShow forever!
Time for J-Gabe and Slater, with Jackson by their side.
Here we go. Big Red Machine and Big Red face off first. Show in pretty quick, sitting on Slater’s face. Kane back in. Slater quickly and suddenly hits the legs, and tags in Gabriel who nearly gets his jaw punched off upon entrance. Kane to the top rope, pushed down by Zeke. Slater back in to jump on the advantage. He’s on his knees as Slater drags him over to tag in Gabriel, who keeps Kane down. Huge DDT from Gabriel. Slater is tagged, goes to the top rope, flies, but eats a big hand. Show is in now, tossing him all around. Hand in the air, but Gabriel flies into the picture. Show catches him, tosses him at Jackson who charges, but is stopped by Kane. Chokeslam from Show, and we have new champs are crowned.
Grade: C-
I’ve finally gotten used to this odd team, and their interaction with the two youngsters. The match was pretty entertaining, as it was not a complete squash for once. The champions looked very confident and dominant, and it was actually interesting. Why it was so quick, I’ll never know. I think it could have stretched out a bit more. But I’m overall satisfied with this.
Commercial.
Corre is backstage, arguing about the loss of the titles. Jackson accuses Slater of being weak, since he was the one that was pinned, and walks away. Gabriel and Slater look at each other before Slater shoves him to the ground.
Now, to Drew entering. Can I just take this lull where they promote Just For Men to say I’m pretty damn glad they killed this Kelly Kelly angle? Chris Masters enters next.
Both men stare each other down, Masters looking aggressive as he shoves Drew into the corner. This only angers the Scottish star, but he finds himself fighting out of the Masterlock. Huge chop from Masters that echoes. Drew back in control, stomping Masters’s head. Quick little roll-up from Masters for two, huge spinebuster from Masters, again for two. And the chops begin once more. Going for the Masterlock once more…but Drew uses the ropes to climb and shift his weight back, breaking it up. Goes for Futureshock , and it’s over.
Grade: C+
Finally, a real showing for Masters on Smackdown! He looked fantastic, too. I know Vince’s panties get soaked by big beasts like him, so why is he not doing more? You know, minus the two strikes.
I have to say, this whole PG thing is tolerable for the sole purpose of the good they’re doing. I love the reading challenge. I work with children, and I see firsthand how allergic to books they are, and promoting it as a good thing as well as encouraging them to do it more often, is nothing short of magical. Keep it up, boys.
Commercial.
Raw Rebound! Yay! Not. Here’s it broken down, caveman style. Troof, mad. JoMo, fight. Troof, out. JoMo, in. Crowd, wild.
Replay of Cody and Rey’s bout, and it’s announced they will face each other at Extreme Rules.
Kofi time!
Commercial.
Barrett is on his way out, with Jackson tagging along once more.
Kofi jumps, kicking and backing Barrett into the corner. Barrett sneaks an elbow in, which effectively turns the tables, and Kofi hits the mat. Barrett outside the ring, Kofi climbs the top rope and twists into a shockingly graceful Crossbody…
Commercial.
While away, Wade found a way to knock Kofi once again off his feet. Back in, Wade charges Kofi who pulls the rope down, sending Barrett cartwheeling out of the ring. Kofi follows to attack, Jackson charges, taking out Barrett. Kofi takes that moment to roll Barrett back in, but before he can crawl back in himself, Barrett lands a stunning kick. Barrett sends Jackson away, both stare each other down as he turns to leave. Kofi takes that moment to roll him up, but he kicks out. Big punches, big dropkick, Boom Drop, signals for TiP, Wade dodges, goes for Wasteland but they teeter to the ropes. Kofi sitting on the top rope, Wade picks him up, he’s down, pinned, Wade uses the ropes for leverage and steals the victory.
Grade: B-
These two don’t mesh very well on paper, but in person, they rocked it. It looked like a struggle in the best sense of the word, the Corre friction was minimal, and Kofi seemed to flow an extraordinary amount. I dug it.
Commercial.
Celebración time. Grand arches of yellow balloons and covered objects are displayed as gifts for Edge. First, a clock to watch his life tick away. A bedpan and some Depends are next. The next gift is…LITA! Oops. Not Lita. A fat brunette chick. Whatta tease. The real last gift is a walker. And a motor scooter. This is borderline lame. Though I must admit, the soft acoustic version of his song is dandy. More old man jokes, and suddenly “You think you know me…â€
Edge comes dashing out, and Alberto seems surprised. Ah, I see. He has to plug the new shirt. Sweet!
He claims that he shouldn’t be surprised that he’s there. “I RSVP’d!†He insults the whole clan for a moment, so Alberto sends Brodus after him. But alas! There’s Christian to save the day. The two contenders battle it out while Edge watches complacently. Christian climbs the ladder he used to assault Broduse, and effortlessly takes down the title. What a sight to see.
Credits roll!
