The Rager – “Bad WWE! Go Stand in the Corner!”

Congratulations! You’re now an instant winner! Why? For reading another edition of The Rager (I’m taking the “annoying pop-up” approach to my intro, you like?). In case this is your first time perusing The Rager, I am Chris, your Strainer that delivers Grade A(wful) Rage Pasta to each and every one of you, my darling yet surpisingly sticky Rageans. But now that I’ve got my bloated ego and hunger pains out of the way, lets get down to business, shall we?

The Silent Promo
This past Raw, we got a glimpse of a rare sight, a huge screw up by our friendly, neighborhood friends at WEE and their technical botch of R-Heel’s opening promo/trashing and what had to have seemed like forever (to Vince) to get everything running smoothly. I’m not sure if I’ve pointed this out yet or made it obvious that I absolutely love the accidental screw-up (in anything and everything), I find a certain delicious awkwardness to it all and warms my cockles (and sometimes even my SUB-cockles) and it transforms me into a giggly school-girl. But back to WEE, I’d truly hate to be the guy/gal responsible for that slip as I’m sure that individual got an extra dosage of McMahon Rage (I’ve heard you’ve got No Chance of recovery from that…get it? anyone? Joel?). Yes, this entire opening rage was dedicated to set-up that lame parenthetical joke, I’ll gladly accept your judgment now.

Hooray Memorial Day
Apparently, WEE’s version of a great Memorial Day celebration involves a bunch of old white guys sitting around a kiddie pool next to dumpsters. That plus their erectile disfunction jokes makes me really think about possible WEE’s writing staff Fraudian slips…gotta love ‘merica

Understood Kharma
Last week, I admitted how truly terrible I was at predicting matches in Pulse Wrestling’s Roundtables before each pay-per-view and I’d like to extend that terribleness to predicting anything and everything. Also last week, I speculated the meaning of Awesome Kharma’s breakdown only to be completely and absolutely wrong and was a way for her to be written off (sorta) due to her pregnancy but then again, i doubt anybody could’ve predicted that and also that doesn’t really explain the breakdown. Does it? The sad thing about this is that she loses all the momentum and interest she gained by not only this happening but also to her breaking character this past Raw to announce it. However, that being said, bringing a little one into the world is worth all of it (not that I would know…or will know for quite some time) and I know I’m not alone in congratulating her and can’t wait for her return.

BAD, WEE, BAD! *shakes finger
WHY DO THEY ALLOW THE BELLAS TO SPEAK…EVER? And no, I’m not saying that the Divas should be seen and not heard, I’m just saying that The Bellas should be seen (and even that’s iffy) and not heard. Bellas failed at their LayCool impersonation and tried to put Kharma over even though she’s leaving for about a year. I really want to smack Vince in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper right about now.

Cruel and Unusual Capital Punishment
As its been said many many times, the worst jokes are the ones that are explained, whether it needed to be or not, and thats exactly what WEE is doing with this pay per view and their lame, lazy President Obama promos/dream sequences. As I stated a couple weeks ago, I feel like the intelligence of wrestling fans are being insulted once again as if we weren’t going to pick up to correlation between the name and where its taking place. And as always, I’m in grumpy old-man mode and I understand they’re just having fun with the promos but the frequency of these (and often the same) promos is just obnoxious.
Also, I love when they make Ol’ King/Cole just make up stuff such as who all will attend the event such as senators and other important people. A part of me thinks they’re gonna have their famous terrible cheeky impersonators like they did with The Queen, Jack Nicholson, the owner of the Denver Nuggets etc. However, if they were to really try to get politicans to attend, might I recommend someone that I think would be perfect for a WEE setting. That person is, none other than my all-time favorite politican, New York’s 9th District Representative Anthony Weiner. Politics aside, the guy is just fun to watch and think he could do a killer promo

Meanwhile, Backstage…
The frequency of Zack Ryder appearances backstage during Raw seems to be increasing every week and I gotta think he’s gonna get a decent push at some point in the near future. The fans want and apparently Cena endorses it so why hasn’t this happened yet? I gotta admit, I have not watched his youtube videos (I will one of these days, I promise) but just going off what I’ve seen while covering WWE Superstars, I say he’s ready for a push (see? I can demand pushes for people other than Chris Masters).

Fact Check
I really do love how the announce teams make up random facts about wrestlers during a match. What made me think of this was Cole throwing out random facts about Mr. Ziggles and his amateur wrestling career. Now, the facts happened to be true in this case but it made me think back to certain talking points such as the accolades of Jack Swagger that are pretty much all false besides his wrestling career. This like him being the runner-up to the Heisman trophy while playing football at Oklahoma, which was unbelievably false seeing as how he wasn’t even a starter for his own team. The point I’m making is how comical I think it is that WEE feels the need to make up all this stuff that the fans don’t even really care about but do so to make the talent seem that much more interesting.

Random Rages
Speaking of Ziggles, how botch-tastic was his match with Kofi? The whole thing just felt awkward and wrong.

Whoever is coming up with new entrances should get a raise because I’m definitely diggin Alex Riley’s new one.

King’s fat jokes don’t really work for Vickie anymore since she’s lost the weight although I think he’s still got plenty to make fun of from the neck-up but he’s too lazy. Remember all that anti-bullying stuff? Yeah, neither do they.

Kinda stating the obvious here but the father-son duo that R-Heel picked on were definitely paid actors. I mean, I’m not really cracking any hard case but the two basically sat the same way the whole show and even at the end, when every single person in the arena was on their feet, those two were seated the exact same way.

Also, can we find out about this Little Jimmy nonsense already?

Well, this has been fun as always, my friends. I touched one quite a few things this week so feel free to rage on in the comments below whether you agree or if I’m completely out-of-touch or in the middle somewhere in the vast nothingness.

My love for you is unconditional…my like for you is situational
Chris

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