TNA Wrestling and DC Comics Team Up To Relaunch The TNA Universe

Good news wrestling fans, Dixie Carter has been allowed out to play by Bob and Janice. More than that, the TNA President has listened to the pleas of those with a USB port where others have sexual organs by finally firing her longtime head writer Vince Russo. In a move that may surprise even annoy those hoping for a crossover between the Impact Zone and the No Spin Zone (maybe also involving the No Fact Zone) the creative reigns of the TNA Universe have been handed over to longtime DC Comics executives and writers.

New TNA Co-Executive Vice President Dan Didio promoted his plans to hardly anybody at the San Diego Wrestle-Con, which this year was held at a bus shelter next to a kindly homeless man with a pocket full of cash and a nice dog and cat. “There’s a lot of characters that inhabit the TNA Universe. One of the things we’re very focused on doing for these types of characters is rather than change them, we want to make sure that this is the basis of who that character is right from the start”.

His fellow EVP Jim Lee made his first comment on twitter, in a tweet sadly cut short by the website’s word limit. “ TNA was my fav as a perv – fav body was prob Psylocke’s I never smashed it though – she turned me down. Bloody Claremont! You know he’s into Dom”. Later on he seemed a bit more up to speed, showing all the new costumes he had developed for the characters in the TNA Universe. There were however some teething troubles with journalist Rich Johnson reporting that Lee had left a voicemail on a friend’s phone complaining about how difficult it was to fit a stiff collar round Samoa Joe’s neck. There were also problems with the elaborate clothes he designed for The Beautiful People based on ceremonial armor from the duo’s home planet, with several embarrassing situations where the costumes scored a pinful on those wearing them.

It’s becoming clear that Didio and Lee plan a complete reboot of the entire TNA Universe lineup. According to Didio the characters will be changing with the times. “We looked at what was going on in the marketplace and felt we really want to inject new life in our characters and line…This was a chance to start, not at the beginning, but at a point where our characters are younger and the stories are being told for today’s audience”. Already rumors are swirling that they are planning such radical changes as Scott Steiner with testicles visible to the naked eye and a back that doesn’t look like the surface of Mars, a updated Kurt Angle that has an explosive past as a cagefighter and a Sting truer to his current character’s original portrayal by Cesar Romero. It also looks like they’ve managed to bring back into continuity absent favorites such as Austin Aires, Low Ki and Christopher Daniels that had been wowing the DVD store crowd over at Ring of Honor while also persuading Ric Flair that CBS is never going to let him play Charlie Sheen’s brother so he should stop using his life as an audition.

The new Head of Creative Geoff Johns believes that only being retroactive and going back to the future will they capture the imagination of fans. “I think it’s an exciting time,” Johns said. “Certainly everyone’s putting their passion into it”. He went on to admit that they were originally going to continue successful storylines from the previous continuity but soon realized there weren’t any. Talking to James Lipton, noted method sadomasochist Abyss agreed and enthused about how the new direction will be a chance for everyone to get back to their roots. He then reminisced about how he was inspired to become a pro-wrestler by hitchhiking to Madison Square Garden to watch Jimmy Snuka jump off the top of a cage onto Don Muraco. TNA Universe founder Jeff Jarrett however took the news less well with even a trip to a deserted fairground failing to cheer him up despite their being a new attraction where that clown from IT mentally abuses a cop after paralyzing his daughter (don’t worry – she got better). Jarrett was later found walking about just shouting ‘Slapnuts’ to himself while giving himself the Stroke.

One of the new writers of the TNA Universe is frustrated former soap opera writer Grant Morrison, who will be working on introducing the iconic Hulk Hogan to an audience of mid-twentysomethings born after his many of his most legendary battles with characters such as Nick Bockwinkel, Roddy Piper and Quinton Jackson. Speaking via video, Morrison explained his vision for the character. “I’m going to look at the early Hulk Hogan, who accidentally infringed on Marvel Comics’ trademarks and talked about getting turned on at the thought of beating on men and being an adonis-like ultimate male. I’d like to do something really interesting with that guy. The young, butch Hogan. The different versions always fascinate me because they all add up to this huge, gigantic, multi-generational story”.

While there is obviously many more details to come, it looks likely that the relaunch of the TNA Universe will begin on the last Impact Wrestling of August with a special show containing only one match. Fans of the TNA Universe took this in their stride considering that if the match is allowed to be worth watching then that would actually be above-par. In September the new creative team plans to use 52 different angles to launch a whole series of new storylines for the revamped TNA Universe. A despairing Bryan Alvarez took solace in the fact that this will be a reduction from when Russo was writing the TNA Universe. Rumors have it that Explosion will be set five years before the events occurring on Impact Wrestling, which at least means the two shows will be finally based in the same TNA Universe!

Pulse Wrestling and Comics Nexus we’ll bring you more on this story as Dave Meltzer and Rich Johnston break it. Failing that we might just make it all up and when caught out claim we were being ironic and humorous.

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