The SmarK Rant for iMPACT Wrestling – 11.10.11
Taped from Macon, GA.
Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz.
Last week: Bobby Roode discovers that the only thing he can’t resist is temptation, and gets the TNA World title out of it. That finish was spectacular and deserved to be on PPV rather than rushed through in two weeks.
Bobby Roode and his new belt start us out, and now he’s a full-on heel, calling the crowd a bunch of hillbillies and declaring himself to be the leader of the new generation. Just like Diesel! He explains that he knew he would only get so many chances at the title, so he decided on the spur of the moment to make the most of his shot. This draws out an irate James Storm from the Gorilla position backstage in a nice bit of direction, and Roode runs away to escape a beating. Roode might be the champion, but they’ve made a star out of Storm. Current “authority figure†Sting cuts him off at the entrance, however, and makes the rematch for TONIGHT. Do they even care about PPV anymore? That’s a rhetorical question, I guess. By the way, what’s with the generic “authority figure†title? Is that like when Erik Watts was “Director Of Authority�
Video package for Crimson v. Matt Morgan, which is well done but god is that match gonna suck.
Crimson v. The Pope
Pope’s really been falling down the ladder lately, and I’m not sure why. Crimson works a headlock, but Pope kicks him in the knee and gets a DDT for two. Fistdrop gets two. Crimson fights up, but Pope puts him down with a forearm uppercut and goes up for another fistdrop, but lands in the powerbomb to give Crimson the pin at 2:42. You’d think Crimson would have been more dominant here. *
Gunner v. Garett Bischoff
See, last week I asked about Garett doing a heel turn and then a babyface turn, but apparently he was a babyface all along. My confusion came from the fact that he was such a smug dick that I just assumed he was supposed to be a heel. I’ll chalk that one up to inexperience on his part. Garett’s wrestling gear consists of a wifebeater and slacks, just to really make him look like a geek. Bischoff catches Gunner with a pair of armdrags and a backdrop, and that sends Gunner running, and Ric Flair comes in for the DQ at 1:30. Very, very lame. DUD
Meanwhile, James Storm is bleeding all over the place. Damn drunken southerners, always tripping all over themselves and running into walls.
Zema Ion v. Jesse Sorenson
Sorenson with a dropkick to send Ion to the floor, and he follows with a dive. Back in the ring, Ion gets a crazy spinning bodypress out of the corner for two, and turns an atomic drop into a facecrusher. That looked indy spot-tastic. To the top, but it misses and Sorenson finishes with a Test Drive at 2:00.  Too short to be worth anything. *1/2  After the win, Kid Kash comes out and offers Sorenson an X-Division title shot at the PPV…against himself and Aries. Kash goes for the mama joke and the brawl is on, which results in a heel beatdown when Aries joins in. Kash hits Sorenson with a sick-looking double-underhook piledriver. Kudos to Sorenson for taking that like a man.
Knockouts Tag title:Â Gail Kim & Madison Rayne v. Mickey James & Velvet Sky
I’m getting really confused by the motivations of everyone on the heel side. They seem to be overly complicating things by adding Tracy Brooks to something that doesn’t need it. The faces control Rayne in the corner, but Mickey takes a running forearm from Gail and she’s girl-in-peril. Hot tag Sky and Mickey gets the Thesz press, but the ref gets distracted and Kim gets her unnamed finisher on Sky to retain the titles at 4:00. This was fine for building up Kim v. Sky at the PPV. *1/2
Meanwhile, Sting questions the injured Storm, but he’s fine. Just a paper cut, really. That’s how you make a star in the old days, you kick the shit out of a guy and have him come out and fight anyway because he’s a REAL MAN.  Even if the Roode-Storm feud is the only great thing on this show for weeks now, it elevates everything around it by osmosis.
Robbie E & Rob Terry v. Eric Young & The Guy From Jersey Shore Who Isn’t The Situation Or That Other Guy Who’s The DJ And Thus Has Income Outside Of The Show
Young finds himself overwhelmed by Terry and so locks up with the ref instead, and that gets him nowhere. Robbie E comes in and puts Young down with an elbow. Terry with a delayed suplex, and they hit Young with Demolition Decapitation for two. The so-called celebrity is OUTRAGED at this behaviour, but Young makes his own comeback anyway and hits Robbie E with a belly to belly suplex. Hot tag Jersey guy, and he runs wild on Robbie with a bodyslam where Robbie did all the work. He finishes with a splash at 4:09. OK, now let’s never see this guy again, please. ½*
Meanwhile, Mexican America brawls with Ink Inc. so we can be reminded that in fact they all exist and still have an issue. That’s quite the half-assed setup for a PPV match, kudos.
Christopher Daniels v. AJ Styles
Daniels tries a headlock, but Styles trips him up and throws chops in the corner. Daniels knows his moves, though, and catches him with a clothesline before going back to the headlock. Styles tries a dropkick and Daniels evades him, but makes the fatal error of pointing to his head to indicate his intelligence, which allows Styles to dropkick him. Kids, NEVER point to your head to show how smart you are! Hitler did the same thing before he invaded Russia, and look what happened there! Daniels blocks a springboard attempt and gets two, and a moonsault gets two. He goes to the bodyscissors, and then rolls up Styles during an escape attempt for two. He sets up to finish, but Styles backdrops out and comes back with the springboard DDT. He puts Daniels down with clotheslines and an enzuigiri, into a springboard forearm. Styles Clash is countered by Daniels, but the Pele Kick gets two. Daniels bails and looks for some hardware, then opts to catch a diving Styles and run him into the railing instead. Luckily, he finds his trusty screwdriver, but RVD comes out and steals it from him, and the Styles Clash finishes for AJ at 7:23. Good action here, with the usual bullshit finish that both companies overuse. ***
Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett & Bully Ray v. Mr. Anderson, Jeff Hardy & Abyss
So I guess that’s another face turn for Abyss. By the way, I’ve figured out another reason why I dislike Anderson so much – he reminds me of Quinn from Dexter. Jarrett runs away from a confrontation with Hardy and lets Steiner start instead. Scott pounds away in the corner as I wonder what it’s come to when the Steiner brothers look like the well-adjusted family when compared to the Hardys. Hardy lets Anderson come in, so Jarrett comes in now and gets caught with a neckbreaker. Bully gets a cheapshot from the apron to take over on Anderson, and drops an elbow for two. Steiner drops an elbow of his own, but Anderson gets a clothesline and brings Hardy back in. Hardy runs wild and hits Bully with a yodelling legdrop, but goes up and gets crotched by JJ. Steiner brings him down with a samoan drop off the top, and Bully gets two. Hardy takes a beating for a little longer and it’s hot tag Abyss. Torture rack drop on Jarrett, but Bully clotheslines Abyss out of the ring. Hardy hits Bully with the Twist into the swanton, but Jarrett hits Hardy with the Stroke. Anderson with the mic check, but Steiner suplexes him into the Recliner, and Abyss gets the Black Hole Slam to end it at 8:15. Pretty average tag match with a super-hot series of finishers to end it. That was definitely a better match layout than they’ve had as of late, and it paid off. ***1/4
TNA World title:Â Bobby Roode v. James Storm
Storm comes out for the match after a couple of false starts, and he’s looking pretty rough. They eschew the ring intros and go right into the brawl, with Storm getting a backdrop, but collapsing due to blood loss. The ref throws up the X, but Roode steps in and offers his assistance. He clarifies that the match isn’t over yet, and then rolls up Storm to retain at 3:00. That was also awesome. AJ Styles makes the save and challenges Roode to a title match at the PPV which apparently is this Sunday. Really? That’s how they set up the main event?
If this company had any clue how to set up and build a PPV, they’d be on a good roll right now. But as it stands, since I have no interest in ordering their PPVs anyway, I’m content with Impact being a damn fine wrestling TV show for now.
