The 2012 Royal Rumble is in books and WWE has its immediate followup with Raw tonight! Check out our LIVE COVERAGE starting at 9pm EST and in the meantime, catch up with Scott Keith’s Royal Rumble Rant
We kick things off with Executive Vice President of Talent Relations John Laurinaitis, who glad hands the fans. Then he cuts a very nervous promo, indicating false confidence of his review tonight with Triple H, who he compliments. He announces the Raw Elimination Chamber with – CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, R Truth, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Chris Jericho. He also runs down the card for Raw which includes Kofi vs. The Miz and bafflingly Champion vs Champion with CM Punk vs Daniel Bryan. This cues “Cult of Personality” and CM Punk comes out, leading the crowd in “Na Na Na Na Goodbye”. He finally gets into the ring face to face with Laurinaitis and cuts a promo on him. Daniel Bryan is next to come out, and he talks about his win over The Big Show and Mark Henry last night. Bryan said no one cares about the soap opera between Punk and Laurinaitis. Punk suggest they put on a clinic tonight. Next out comes Sheamus! He wants to remind everyone that he’s the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble match. He’ll be watching tonight to help decide which champion to challenge.
Commercial Break
This Friday on Smackdown: Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett
Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero vs. Randy Orton
Wade Barrett joins the broadcast team for this match from the crowd – Josh Matthews is with him with a mic. Randy and Dolph go back and forth for a minute then we quickly take a
Commercial Break
Competitive match with both going on offense. Ziggler does a situp after a move to get over his “show off” gimmick. Randy does a great roll-up out of the corner on Dolph, who kicks out and follows it up with a Fame-asser for a 2 count. Randy takes a breather and Dolph follows and brawling briefly moves to the floor. Orton hits the middle rope draping DDT then the RKO for the clean pin. Good match.
Winner: Orton
Tonight: The next inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame!
Commercial Break
Backstage John Laurinaitis talks up some people including William Regal and Curt Hawkins
Commercial Break
Long John Cena/Kane video recap.
The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay w/Funkasaurusettes vs. Tyler Reks
Brodus is in a white singlet this evening. SQUASH.
The Funkasaurus
Dancing resumes.
Backstage CM Punk confronts Daniel Bryan about his claim to be a role model. Punk brings up how they have been friends for years. They argue about vegan or straight edge being better. CM Punk doesn’t claim to be a role model – just the best wrestler in the world.
The biggest possible WWE “Universe” match – Raw vs Smackdown champ – is your 10pm Main Event NEXT
Commercial Break
Champion vs. Champion Match
CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
Not mentioned yet, but I’m assuming this is a non-title match, despite being billed as “Champion vs. Champion”. They trade some mat holds very briefly to start then Bryan sends Punk to the floor and over the guard rail. Back in the ring Bryan controls with some kicks. We take a
Commercial Break
Bryan is in control as we come back. Arm bar and Bryan wears down Punk. Physical back and forth action with both men getting offense in. Bryan hits a seated missile dropkick. Punk hits the big flying elbow for a 2 count. Suddenly Chris Jericho comes down, takes out Bryan and then hits the CodeBreaker on CM Punk causing a DQ. In-ring work was great but the commercial break and inevitable ending somewhat ruined it.
Winner by DQ: Bryan
After the match Bryan celebrates his DQ win.
Next inductee in the WWE Hall of Fame is… Mike Tyson!
Commercial Break
Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz
R Truth comes down for commentary on this match. This is an Elimination Chamber preview match! Back and forth with Miz getting some offense. Kofi fights back, hits Thunder in Paradise for the clean pin. Good for what it is.
Winner: Kofi
Backstage David Otunga talks to John Laurinaitis and says he will use his influence to help. Laurinaitis is nervous Otunga is gunning for his job but Otunga reassures him. Will Laurinaitis get “future endeavored” tonight?
Commercial Break
Long Rock promo, as seen on Royal Rumble last night
Commercial Break
WWE Divas Title
Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Eve Torres
Eve looks distraught heading to the ring because of the status of Zack Ryder. She throws some wild blows but Beth hits the Glam Slam in under a minute for the pin.
Winner: Phoenix
After the match, Kane’s music plays and he appears on the Titan Tron. He says to blame Cena for what has happened for not embracing the hate. Kane plans on using Eve as a message to Cena… then the ringposts explode with RED FLAMES!! Suddenly Kane appears on the ring apron and Eve screams. John Cena’s music plays and he runs down to make the save. Kane and Cena brawl. And brawl.
Commercial Break
John Laurinaitis comes out for the main event interview. He gives himself a self-evaluation as per WWE corporate policy and gives himself all 5 out of 5s. Triple H comes out to his music in a suit. He cuts down “Johnny” a bit, which was a common theme tonight in people referring to Laurinaitis. They go back and forth a bit with Hunter teasing the firing and Laurinaitis retorting that he’ll do ANYTHING to save his job. H tells Laurinaitis to apologize to each and everyone. He tries but everyone boos loudly. Laurinaitis follows through with a long apology despite the boos. Hunter thinks up some wacky punishments including a gauntlet match of all wrestlers in the back. Triple H harkens back to Vince McMahon’s test to see where loyalty lies – the Kiss My Ass Club. After refusing temporarily, Laurinaitis gets into position. Triple H stops him and laughs, saying “you were actually going to DO it?” Bwahahaha. This is awful. Hunter came out for one reason – to do what needs to be done. The board has had a change of heart about Hunter, and he came come back and run Raw whenever he feels like it. He says he wishes him well in all…. BONG
BONG
BONG
It’s the UNDERTAKER!!! He comes out to his full music and entrance. He gets into the ring, still with black light flooding the arena. Crowd chants “Taker” and is going crazy! Taker and Hunter stare down, with Hunter in his suit and has fists clenched. Taker looks up at the Wrestlemania 28 sign for a long time, then does the “thumb to the neck” sign. Hunter stares at Taker with fists clenched. Taker looks up again at the Mania sign, but Hunter does not turn around. Hunter puts his hand on Taker’s shoulder, and Taker looks down at the hand as the crowd “ooooohs”. Finally Hunter walks off, to HUGE boos, and Taker stays in the ring and stares at the Mania sign. Show went WAY over the top of the hour, but with a major storyline development, so the ratings should be interesting.
