THE RAGER! – Heavens to Murgatroid, No John Cena?!

The soundtrack for this week’s THE RAGER is brought to you by The Dear Hunter

Welcome, dearest yet mildly moist Rageans, to another episode of THE RAGER! You get it? Its in caps because I’m yelling at you…because of the Rage…grr.

This week, I hope you’re wearing your adult diapers because I do something unspeakable by starting off with Smackdown-related topics! I will now pause for you to change your soiled unmentionables.

Ready? Lets go
As Joel Leonard mentioned a week ago in his rag he likes to call “No Chance,” why were we led to believe The Great Khali was retired or out of the company? I get the cheap pop at the rumble but now we have to try to fit him into a chamber? I can picture the guy putting the chamber together just dropping his tools and putting his hands in the air and going home after getting news that such a large waste of space will occupy his masterpiece. I really don’t have much a point the make here other than to try to once again be featured in a blog that is centered around Khali news like I was last week after I made fun of him in a single sentenced. How that garnered a mention on their site is confusing but I kid you not and I’ve decided to attempt to make it on their site every week! (Aim high, kids)

So it took me a whole 12 hours to realize that there was absolutely no Cena on Raw. I’m not complaining any because it was a quality episode all around, but I find it interesting what was use in its place.

Opening with HHH talking about Taker was necessary because that’s where they left us last week. But while I’m on the subject, why did WWE feel it necessary to give us a Taker highlight reel? Lets be honest, if there’s anybody that doesn’t need a reel to remind us how awesome someone’s career has been, its Taker. Also, I still like my reason for HHH turning Taker down better than the one HHH gave. If you don’t remember, I proposed that HHH had turned it down because he actually believed the speech he had just gave to Ace about putting personal feelings aside and just doing the authoritative job and sticking by it even when challenged by a deadman. But instead of that, we got a weak sauce answer of not wanting to remember Taker by Mania last year (even though the last impressions always end up being what’s remembered). We then get a Taker video of him and his bedsheet entertainment system which basically ensures we’re getting Taker and HHH again at Mania.

Here’s what confusing me, Cena’s Raw segment was apparently cut but we still got a match between two Smackdown guys to further a Smackdown storyline that just ended in a countout. You could even make the argument of this match taking away quality Funkasaurus time and that is just a crime, people.

Otunga got whited-out by Sheamus (see what I did there?) and, whatever, that doesn’t count as a segment…moving on.

The 10pm segment was full of awesome because we finally heard from Jericho, who basically confirmed his reasoning was exactly what we’ve been saying since the beginning. He came out and manipulated the crowd without saying a word and pointed out how he’s copied by every wrestler in the business (something he’s been pointing on twitter since he left). I’m just glad this story is moving along and as much as I really wanted to hear a verbal back and forth between Punk and Jericho, the silent trolling from Punk was spot on and seemed appropriate.

Next, we got a tag team match (obviously Teddy Long’s brilliance) of four Smackdown wrestlers. Again, since its a “supershow” I understand there are going to Smackdown wrestlers on the show but at least have a mixture of wrestlers from both in these kinds of matches. Instead, we got a match with some more Khali (two mentions in one edition, suck it) who chopped on Orton some but Super Orton comes out on top.

I just find it surprising that the company puts their guy on the bench to feature matches that should be on their back burner show. All these years, they overuse Cena and throw him in things that make no sense but it gets him on camera and that’s what they want. But when its getting time to build more interest to their biggest show all year and the biggest match ever and they keep their guy off camera. The inadequacies of WWE leaves me speechless. Even when we get Kane uncomfortably close to a mistimed, screaming Eve butting into ring magic, no Cena to be seen. Last week, Kane threatened her in the ring and Cena was there with effing bells on but Kane breaks into her dressing room and Cena lets it slide…awesome.

Well that just about does for me this week, share your thoughts of this Cena-less Raw and other things that hit your collective pretty little heads in the comments below. Be sure to follow me on twitter for a little thing on Monday nights I like to call #liverager and during the week you get to read random thoughts I have while at work (such as me proclaiming that the things I say on twitter would totally throw a wrench into any plans of running for public office…like that’ll stop me).

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,

The Answer:

Kiss Me Quick

Kiss me quick
before I have
that dream again.
The one where I’m
riding a zebra naked
through Chelsea
during rush hour
and you go whizzing by
on a shiny silver scooter
yelling something like,
“I love you!”
but I can’t be sure
because of the police sirens
so I yell back
“I love you, too!”
When a nun carrying
a huge red bong
comes up and says,
“She didn’t say ‘I love you,’
She said ‘You have toilet paper
stuck to your shoe.'”

(from B is for Bad Poetry

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