Hello all, and welcome to My Pinterest Is Piledrivers. I am your auteur James A. Carter, and I am on time for once despite being in a hardcore match last week against a car. The car won, but I had the moral victory.
I think I shall make this the penultimate in my series of WWE-vamp ideas. I’ve run through all the big ones save for the finale, arguably the most-important and least-humorous. So if I time this right, I’ll be able to wrap up next week, with the week after that being devoted to the one-year anniversary of something I’m sure you all can recall.
This week I’ll run through a few things they should try to accomplish, although from what Raw has apparently been like they have their hands full just making watchable programming. Still…
Bring back the cruiserweights.
One thing WCW knew was how to run a company into the ground. But another thing was that high-flying, multinational athletes can pop the crowd and be used to find potential crossover superstars. Seemed to work out pretty well for Chris Jericho, Eddie
Guerrero and Rey Mysterio (formerly Rey Misterio, Jr). One of the few things that anyone has to give credit to WCW for is the cruiserweight division.
Right now you have Kofi Kingston jobbing every singles match, Evan Bourne so listless he’s taken to the hash pipe, Sin Cara doing nothing in particular along with guys like Hunico, Yoshi Tatsu and Justin Gabriel. And that’s discounting guys they could bring
up immediately like Seth Rollins and guys they could rehire like Kaval. Just have John Laurinitis talk about how stupid it was that Hornswaggle was the last Cruiserweight champion, force him to defend it against a heel cruiserweight like Hunico or a debuting
Rollins or Kaval, and boom, now you’ve got a belt, a division, and at least one fast-paced match a show. Have Sin Cara win the belt by the time Rey’s suspension is over and there’s your Summerslam epic feud that you knew these two would have if they can ever
be both healthy and off the juice at the same time.
Flirt hard with NBC.
Everyone knows NBC is in trouble. From first to worst among the major networks. Losing Conan. Losing viewers. Losing critical acclaim. If WWE could convince them to give them a Friday (or even Saturday) night slot, they’d at least get the WWE’s loyal fanbase tuning in. That same fanbase would probably grow since NBC is a major network requiring no cable package, and being on said major network would probably push Vince and co. to put an effort into at least one show a week. NBC would get a show guaranteed to get higher ratings than the critically-acclaimed cult comedies I love so much (sorry, Parks and Rec and Community) and WWE would get national exposure further than what they get now.
Ditch K-Mart for Target.
How does K-Mart even still exist? Actually, according to my sources (Wikipedia) 100-120 stores will be closing soon, so this may become a moot point. Get off the sinking ship, and head on over to Target. You could argue that Wal-Mart is bigger, but… brrr, have you ever been inside one of those places? Look, I’m as broke as the next American in 2012, but I try to avoid that place like used needles.
Make better movies.
Everyone loves The Rundown… but it’s been a looooong time since The Rundown. But holy crap, did you know that Triple H did a movie with Michael Rapaport and Parker Freakin’ Posey? Who do those two owe money to? Henry Hill’s ghost? Too soon, I know.
Alright, that’s enough outta me this week. I have to start panicking about what to write about in July. With the exception of last year, the summer in the world of sports entertainment is typically pretty lifeless and dry. Which makes sense, considering how kids are out of school, there’s only baseball to compete with sportswise and reruns are all over the place. Why not have Big Show and Cena at the top of the card? I gotta lie down…
Tags: big show, chris jericho, Eddie Guerrero, evan bourne, Hornswaggle, john cena, Justin Gabriel, kaval, Kofi Kingston, rey mysterio, seth rollins, sin cara, triple h, WWE, yoshi tatsu