CB’s Slant: WWE SummerSlam Final Card and Snapshot Thoughts: Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H, CM Punk and Sheamus Defend Their Titles

This Sunday 8/19/12, WWE’s flagship summertime showcase will be upon us. That’s right, it’s time for SummerFest SummerSlam! Below is the final PPV card that features three main events — Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar; WWE Champion CM Punk vs. John Cena vs. Big Show in a Triple Threat match for the WWE Championship; and World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship — along with my snapshot thoughts:

SummerSlam Pre-Show: United States Championship
Santino Marella (c) vs. Antonio Cesaro

CB’s Slant: The U.S. title really does mean nothing at the moment, so I would love to see Antonio Cesaro win his first championship in WWE at the expense of Santino, who will likely be in WWE for a LONG time, but never needs to be champion again. I just hope we get to see Cesaro say “CHAMPION” in five different languages.

Winner: Antonio Cesaro

Intercontinental Championship
The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio

CB’s Slant: Chris Jericho thinks The Miz is one of the true future long-term stars of WWE. Well, if Miz going to fill that kind of role, he certainly has his work cut out for him in getting back to the top of the mountain where he was at WrestleMania 27. As for this throw-in Intercontinental title defense against Rey Mysterio, I think the goal here is to give Miz a credible title win over a viable opponent that can make the IC champ look good in the process.

Winner: The Miz

Tag Team Championship
Kofi Kingston and R-Truth (c) vs. The Primetime Players

CB’s Slant: The Primetime Players really do seem like they care about what they are doing. After all, do you think Darren Young would rather be at SummerSlam or back on NXT where he was for a record 567.2 episodes in a row. In other news, can R-Truth PLEASE get rid of Little Jimmy, and can Kofi Kingston PLEASE get rid of R-Truth? I have a solution…

Winners: The Primetime Players

Kane vs. Daniel Bryan

CB’s Slant: Hmm, I wonder if Daniel Bryan’s “Anger Management” issues have anything to do with Charlie Sheen showing up at SummerSlam to cost him the match. While I love Bryan’s character work lately and think he’s done a GREAT job with the material he’s been given, I still would have booked him in the main event WWE Championship match rather than be relegated to being the butt of this joke.

Winner: Kane

Damien Sandow vs. Brodus Clay

CB’s Slant: Blair A. Douglas Everyone knows how much I have touted (that’s touted the word, not TOUTED the social media service) Damien Sandow’s character work since his debut, and I am glad to see him get the nod here at SummerSlam in a singles match against Brodus Clay. Yes, I feel welcome.

Winner: Damien Sandow

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

CB’s Slant: While Jericho will be leaving WWE after SummerSlam to tour with Fozzy, I still have a sneaking suspicion that Y2J will prevail here. In fact, I am predicting that Jericho wins this match and then gets beat to a pulp by an infuriated Dolph Ziggler afterwards, and that will be just the beginning for Dolph on this night.

Winner: Chris Jericho

World Heavyweight Championship
Sheamus (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio

CB’s Slant: Sheamus will beat Del Rio by the skin of his teeth, and while he is all softened up, Dolph Ziggler will cash in his Money In The Bank contract to become the new World Heavyweight Champion. That’s right, while Chris Jericho “won the big one” earlier in the night, Dolph will “win the even bigger one” here.

Winner: Sheamus, who then loses the World Heavyweight Championship to Dolph Ziggler due to a timely MITB cash-in.

WWE Championship: Triple Threat Match
CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

CB’s Slant: Everyone thinks Big Show’s only purpose in this match is to take the pin to protect CM Punk and John Cena. While that may end up being the case when all is said and done, I can’t be the only prognosticator around here who foresees The Rock making a surprise appearance to shake things up, can I? And, well, I have a hunch that The Rock will actually cost CM Punk the title, even though I’d love to see him retain. You think Punk’s in a bad mood now, wait until Monday Night, because…

Winner: John Cena

Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar
Paul Heyman in Brock Lesnar’s corner
Shawn Michaels in Triple H’s corner (?)

CB’s Slant: This match has about as much juice as Melky Cabrera’s bat before he started taking PEDs. In other words, I just haven’t bought in, I am not invested in this fight, and I simply don’t care about this outcome. Maybe Brock can change my mind if he really lands some hard-hitting moves on COOHHH, but they have a lot of work to do to get me to pay attention on this one. The logical result here would be to give Brock his first huge win to build him back up after he lost to Cena, so…

Winner: Brock Lesnar

That’s all from me — ENJOY SUMMERSLAM — CB.

What do you think of the SummerSlam card and what do you think will happen? Sound off in the comments section below!

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