For the record, I do not recommend having a muscle spasm. It is the WORST form of pain I’ve ever had to endure.
So, yes, I’m injured as I write this week’s column and things in the wrestling business haven’t really improved much since last week, but it’s not like I was expecting an earth-shattering change in just seven days.
I just thought we’d at least have a lot less squash matches.
It’s my birthday month, so we all know what that means: the Big 3-0 is finally here (November 27, to be precise)! Three decades on this planet and all I’ve got to show for it are a condo, a decent job, and a column on Inside Pulse. Man, some guys have all the damn luck! In all seriousness though, let me hit you up with my thoughts on Sunday’s rather lackluster card.
Team Foley: Ryback The Miz, Kofi Kingston, Randy Orton, Kane, and Daniel Bryan vs
Team Punk Ziggler: CM Punk Dolph Ziggler, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Alberto del Rio, and The Miz Wade Barrett
If you couldn’t tell from my not-so-subtle jab at the ever-morphing traditional Survivor Series team match, this screams of laziness. Up until the removal of Ryback and Punk from the equation, the entire build centered on four current feuds continuing under the veil of an elimination tag match. And in the company’s ineptitude, the very changing of this match has given off a weird vibe that has affected the other major angle of Raw; that being the Cena/AJ tryst. It’s obvious where the company was headed with this: Cena would defend AJ’s honor in a match against Dolph Ziggler at Survivor Series. Sounds reasonable, right? Nope. What we have now are Ziggler and Cena involved in two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT storylines at the same time, hurting the build for both. Plus, if there’s any truth to the rumor that Rhodes was injured during the taping of WWE Main Event, we might be looking at yet another change to the match before it’s all said and done.
By the way, how great was Foley’s rib on Ziggler Monday night? “Amy Schumer says hello.” HA!
WWE Championship Triple Threat Match: CM Punk vs John Cena vs Ryback
Another Triple Threat, and therefore another “backed-into-the-corner-with-no-clear-finish-in-sight.” Great job, Vince. So you think people REALLY want to see Ryback in the title scene already, but you DON’T want to take the belt off of Punk? And you want to protect Ryback’s push? Seems like another “Cena takes the loss, albeit controversially” finish to me. Yawn.
As a side note, did anyone else catch the gaffe when Ryback and Cena held up the belt upside down for that photo op and had to redo the spot before the cameras stopped rolling?
Divas’ Championship: Eve vs Kaitlyn
I love Eve(‘s boobs) and I definitely enjoy Kaitlyn(‘s boobs), but the girl with the streaky hair doesn’t seem to have her act together in the ring just yet. On the plus side: bewbs.
United States Championship: Antonio Cesaro vs R-Truth
Truth is just the flavor of the month for Cesaro, so I don’t see a title change at this time.
World Heavyweight Championship: Big Show vs Sheamus
Big Show is finally given a chance to run with the ball as WHC and what does he do? He beats up William Regal for cheap heat. Bravo, sir. Bravo. This title has meant less and less as the months have gone on this year, and it’s all thanks to Sheamus’s bland run as a babyface and his one-sided feud with del Rio that went on FOREVER. What is it with this title and stagnation?
Rumored Match: Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio vs The Primetime Players
The WWE has been touting the resurgence of a tag team division, so one would think that on a PPV like Survivor Series you could make a (gasp!) SECOND elimination tag match and promote it to get EIGHT MORE GUYS ON PPV! Nope; rumor has it we’ll just be getting an ordinary tag match, the same one that we saw added to the card last month. Hopefully, plans change and two more teams are added. I need me some Rosa Mendes!
I’m not looking forward to this PPV but, as I do every year, I shall be hosting it at home (I traditionally do ‘Mania and Survivor Series, whereas my friend does Royal Rumble and Summerslam). The only thing I’m looking forward to is Punk retaining and continuing his epic run as champion.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
