WWE Monday Night RAW LIVE Results for 5/13/13: Brock Lesnar, Triple H, John Cena, Ryback

We are a week away from Extreme Rules. Will Triple H get revenge for Brock Lesnar destroying his office? Will Ryback continue to morph into Goldberg? And will anyone care to order Extreme Rules? Follow along to find out!

What A Rip Off!

RAW started with Jerry Lawler in the ring introducing Fandango and Chris Jericho for the Dance-Off. Fandango said he didn’t lose the dance contest to the Great Khali. The crowd didn’t respect his abilities. Jericho brought up him winning the musical chairs competition and winning the Price is RAW with Bob Barker. Fandango went first, but didn’t dance. He said he needed silence and told the crowd to “SHHH.” They finally started, but Summer Rae tripped and hurt her ankle. Jericho and her dancer checked on her as Fandango left in disgust. Fandango came back in and attacked Jericho. Fandango threw Jericho into the announce table, then the steps and barricade. He then grabbed a piece of the dance floor and hit Jericho with it. Fandango then jumped back into the ring and Summer Rare hoped up, showing she was faking the whole time.

Segment Analysis: As much as I really didn’t want to see it, the hype for the Dance-Off only to see that was kind of weak. But it was a great job of Fandango “out-smarting” Jericho and gaining the upper hand going into Extreme Rules. Good job of making Fandango look strong. Survey Says: 2.5/5

Ryback made quick work of Zack Ryder.

The Prime Time Players defeated Tons of Funk after Darren Young used his hair pick to hit Brodus. Another short match.

No Tag Match???

Matt Striker said Dolph Ziggler isn’t medically cleared to compete at Extreme Rules. Teddy Long said he has made a decision. Zeb Colter came out and said Dolph should be stripped of the Title and have it given to Jack Swagger. Big E and A.J. came out. A.J. said Swagger should be fired for what he did to her boyfriend. Teddy said that at Extreme Rules, Jack Swagger and Alberto del Rio will go one-on-one in a #1 Contenders “I Quit” Match. And tonight, Big E will face either Alberto del Rio or Jack Swagger. Whoever wins the WWE App vote.

Segment Analysis: Glad to see the WWE doing the right thing keeping Dolph off the PPV. An “I Quit” Match should be fun between these two. Survey Says: 2.5/5

Kofi Kingston vs Damien Sandow. Sandow hit some knees to the gut then a side Russian leg sweep. The Elbow of Disdain got Sandow a two count. Sandow charged at Kofi in the corner but Kofi moved. Kofi started his comeback with a dropkick then a clothesline. He hit the Boom Drop. He missed the Trouble in Paradise, and then a splash off the top. Sandow hit a rolling neckbreaker for two. He got back up and Kofi hit Trouble in Paradise for the win. Another short match.

Kofi Kingston will defend the US Title against Dean Ambrose at Extreme Rules. Looking forward to that match.

SOMEONE BUTTER SHEAMUS BREAD!

Mark Henry was in the ring with Josh Matthews. They showed Henry pulling the trucks last week. Henry then made Matthews put a strap on. Henry shoved Matthews down and touched all four corners. Henry said he was feeling generous and invited Sheamus out. Henry said ‘Sheamus knows when his bread is buttered.” Then Sheamus came out. So apparently Sheamus needed his bread buttered. Sheamus said Henry isn’t smart. Henry said Sheamus needs to do less talking and more walking. The two exchanged words before Sheamus walked to the ring. Before Sheamus came into the ring, he went under the ring and got a strap of his own. Both men started whipping each other with straps, then Henry bailed.

Segment Analysis: Surprised that segment got the 9 p.m. time slot. But this feud just doesn’t really do anything for me. Sheamus has gotten dull as a character. I like pushing Henry as a monster, but there is a limit on to where you can go with him. Survey Says: 2/5

Orton 10, Mid Card 0

Antonio Cesaro vs Randy Orton. Cesaro started with a headlock then shoulder tackle. But Orton came back with an elbow to the face. Cesaro backed Orton into the corner and caught Orton with a headbutt as the ref breaking it up. Cesaro hit a charging upper cut in the corner for two. Orton fought out of a headlock and hit a suplex. He then went into ORTON MODE!!! Cesaro escaped the middle rope DDT and went for a roll up that got a two. Orton got up and immediately hit the RKO for the win.

Match Analysis: Randy Orton continues to go over mid card talent. At this point they should just call him “The Mid-Card Killer.” Survey Says: 1.5/5

Miz defeated Heath Slater. I probably could have went into detail about the match, but it was your typical Miz match that saw him win with the Figure Four. Did Miz really have to return?

Just Like That???

Six man elimination tag match. Kane took it to Ambrose in the corner and connected on an upper cut. Bryan hit some kicks in the corner then applied an armbar. Ambrose got out and tagged Rollins. Bryan tagged Cena who hit a running bulldog. Back from break Ambrose backed Bryan into the corner and The Shield started working over Bryan. All three members of The Shield worked over Bryan. Bryan eventually fought out of an Ambrose headlock and tagged in Kane. He hit a DDT for two. Kane hit his top rope clothesline and then shoved Ambrose and Rollins over the top rope. He beat down all the members of The Shield on the outside. The ref DQ’d Kane, eliminating him.

Back from break Ambrose hit a DDT on Cena. Cena blocked a Reigns suplex attempt but Reigns quickly tagged in Rollins, who hit a knee off the top for two. Rollins applied a sleeper hold, but Cena eventually made the hot tag to Bryan. Bryan hit a dive to the outside, taking out Reigns. He hit a missile drop kick off the top on Rollins, only getting a two count. Bryan hit a bunch of kicks but couldn’t apply the No Lock. Ambrose made the blind tag but Bryan took him out. Rollins hit a kick to the back of the head, and Ambrose hit his finisher on Bryan, eliminating him.

The Shield immediately went to work on Cena. But Cena came back and went into CENA MODE on Seth Rollins. He cleared out Ambrose and Reigns and hit the AA on Rollins, pinning him. Cena went to AA Ambrose. The ref stopped Reigns from Spearing Cena. Reigns shoved the ref and speared Cena, and was DQ’d. Ambrose went to pin Cena but he kicked out at two. Cena then applied the STF on Ambrose, but Reigns and Rollins broke it up. They hit the Triple Power Bomb on Cena.

After the match, Ryback came down and stood over Cena. He left the ring, but came back with a chair and used it on Cena’s bad Achilles.

Segment Analysis: First the match. So I guess now they will go with the fact that The Shield has never been pinned as a team. Because technically Cena won by DQ, WHICH IS A DUMB STUPID F****** WAY TO END THE UNDEFEATED STREAK AS A TEAM. Heaven forbid Cena gets pinned again. But then after Ryback’s attack, HOW WILL CENA OVERCOME THE ODDS SUNDAY? Sorry, just venting a little here. The match was good with typical strong offense from The Shield. But once it was 3-on-1 everything went down hill. Survey Says: 3.5/5

Heel vs Heel ALWAYS Works

Jack Swagger won the APP Poll and took on Big E. Big E had the upper hand early. Swagger moved out of the way of a Big E charge and hit a pump handle slam. Back from break Big E had control. He speared Swagger in the corner. Big E missed a second corner Spear attempt. Swagger hit a splash in the corner then hit a Swagger Bomb for two. Big E threw Swagger into the corner and hit a superplex for two. Swagger escaped Big E’s finisher and took out Big E with a chop block. He applied the Patriot Lock but Big E got to the ropes. Big E dumped a charging Swagger to the outside. Big E threw Swagger into the barricade, but Swagger ducked a charging Big E and he went over the barricade. Swagger got back into the ring and won via countout.

Alberto del Rio came out after the match and tried attacking Swagger, but Swagger applied the Patriot Lock. Ricardo hit Swagger with the bucket, but Swagger just kicked Ricardo. ADR applied the Cross Armbreaker but Big E broke it up and went after Swagger. Swagger kicked him then Del Rio hit an enziguri. ADR then applied the cross armbreaker on Swagger and dumped him to the outside.

Match Analysis: While I think the “I Quit” Match will be good, there just isn’t a lot of heat to a feud between these two guys. People want to see Ziggler, who is the most over out of the three. The Swagger/Big E match just dragged and the crowd wasn’t too into it. Survey Says: 2/5

A.J. defeated Natlaya with a pretty nice submission hold. Kaitlyn got another gift from her admirer, some trivia game.

Chris Jericho gave a serious promo saying he was done joking around and playing by other people’s rules.

We’re Not Rising Above Hate Here

Triple H was in the ring with the cage surrounding him. HHH said him and Brock have been feuding for over a year (ugh) and that it comes to an end this Sunday. Early in his career, someone told HHH that he has to learn how to hate. And having that ring surrounded by steel somehow made him feel at home. He said everyone is here, and that Brock should come out and try to take his home. Heyman and Lesnar came out. Triple H told Heyman to shut it and have Brock get in the ring. Heyman asked if the word hate was on the taboo list in the WWE. Heyman said this Sunday, Lesnar will teach HHH about the word hate. He said Lesnar is a carnivore and HHH is the biggest piece of meat in the WWE Universe. Heyman said HHH will hate facing his family after this Sunday. Heyman said HHH will go down as a loser, and he will hate that. Heyman said Lesnar doesn’t fight for free and they left.

Triple H said cut the music. HHH said Heyman doesn’t let Brock fight because he can’t afford it as a business man. HHH said when Brock loses this Sunday, his mystique and Paul’s meal ticket will be out the window. HHH said he knows Brock still believes and knows he is an ass kicker, but Heyman doesn’t see it. HHH asked Brock to come to the ring, or prove that he is a bitch. Lesnar walked to the ring as Heyman and refs tried to stop him, but he went into the ring. Both men started brawling. HHH threw Lesnar into the door and it knocked Heyman off the steps. Lesnar stared at HHH from the outside, then grabbed Heyman and left.

Segment Analysis: It was a decent job at trying to sell this match, but I just can’t have any hope for a third match between these two after the first two were so disappointing. The cage match might actually hurt them even more because they can’t move around on the outside to kill time. We may have seen the beginning of a possible rift between Heyman and Lesnar down the line, but that may have just been HHH using it for this match. Alright ending. Survey Says: 2.5/5

OVERALL

Not a great final sell job for Extreme Rules. The WWE Title Match especially. It almost felt like an afterthought compared to the HHH/Brock Lesnar match, which got a tone of recap time. I mean, I don’t want to see that match either, but give it more build than what it was given. Del Rio/Swagger could be good, but there is just no heat behind any of their characters. That was evident tonight. The Shield get their first loss, which if you couldn’t tell earlier didn’t make me happy. The opening dance off stuff was a waste, but a decent way to get some cheap heat on Fandango. In the end, a ho hum RAW that did a bad job selling Extreme Rules. I’m giving it a 3.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka

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