The Gold Standard: Marvel, DC, and the War on Marriage

Just a quickie for right now, but expect this to lead into a full blown rant/column in the next few days (in other words, I’m already about halfway through it but I decided this list deserved solo treatment). I figured I’d tackle DC’s non-existent homophobia and talk about the War on Marriage that Marvel and DC both participate in, and the next thing you know? I had this list that is in no way chronological.

 

  • Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne

  • Bruce Banner and Betty Ross

  • Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson

  • Aquaman and Mera

  • Quicksilver and Crystal

  • Vision and Scarlet Witch

  • Barry Allen and Iris West

  • Clark Kent and Lois Lane*

  • Hawkeye and Mockingbird

  • Scott Summers and Madelyne Pryor

  • Scott Summers and Jean Grey

  • Lex Luthor and The Contessa

  • Wolverine and Viper

  • Brian Braddock and Meggan

  • Ultra Boy and Phantom Girl

  • Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl

  • Bouncing Boy and Triplicate Girl

  • Namor and Marrina

  • Wally West and Linda Park

  • Johnny Storm and Lyja

  • Black Panther and Storm

  • Reed Richards and Sue Storm

  • Ralph and Sue Dibny

  • Mr. Miracle and Big Barda

  • Northstar and Kyle

  • Green Arrow and Black Canary

  • Buddy and Ellen Baker

  • Black Bolt and Medusa

  • Black Adam and Isis

  • Hawkman and Hawkgirl

*: Multiple versions

 

So, that’s not a complete list, but it’s a pretty good one. 16 Marvel couples and 14 DC ones. FOUR of those couples are still together.

Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? More like eighty-five to ninety.

Let’s break that list down just a bit, won’t go too in depth.

 

Still married:

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  • Reed Richards and Sue Storm

  • Northstar and Kyle

  • Buddy and Ellen Baker (though things seemed to be headed for the Divo)

  • Black Bolt and Medusa (though they have recently hit the rocks and things could easily go the other way in the next few months)

 

Divorced officially:

  • Hank and Jan

  • Quicksilver and Crystal

  • Black Panther and Storm

  • Green Arrow and Black Canary

 

Divorced via death:

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  • Bruce Banner and Betty Ross

  • Scarlet Witch and Vision

  • Clark Kent and Lois Lane (Earth 2….old school and modern)

  • Hawkeye and Mockingbird

  • Scott Summers and Madelyne Pryor

  • Scott Summers and Jean Grey

  • Brian Braddock and Meggan

  • Namor and Marrina

  • Black Adam and Isis

  • Hawkman and Hawkgirl

 

Continuity Reboots:

Lois Lane Clark Kent Superman Wedding comic book

  • Aquaman and Mera

  • Barry Allen and Iris West

  • Clark Kent and Lois Lane

  • Wally West and Linda Park

  • Mr. Miracle and Big Barda

 

Pretended it never happened:

  • Lex Luthor and the Contessa

  • Wolverine and Viper

  • Johnny Storm and Lyja

 

A Devil/Wizard/Devil-Wizard did it:

mephistolover

  • Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson

 

The Legion:

  • Ultra Boy and Phantom Girl

  • Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl

  • Bouncing Boy and Triplicate Girl

 

Couplecide:

RalphSueGhost

  • Ralph and Sue Dibny

So, out of those thirty couples (well, thirty one, I counted the Earth 2 Lois and Clark separately), four are together, four actually got divorces or annulments, ten ended with a widow, five were reset by the New 52, three may as well never happened, three are from different versions of the Legion, Ralph and Sue are dead (well, technically they haven’t been mentioned in the New 52, and before Blackest Night they were Ghost Detectives!), and finally Peter and MJ and their combination of Mephisto and Dr. Strange.

Batwoman can’t get married? People are surprised by this? Marvel and DC have the worst marriage records EVER! How have people not realized this?!

Why would they ever want to marry anyone with stats like this? It’s practically begging future writers to come in and make up some bullshit reason to split the couple up…I mean, most writers already do that!

Anyway, enjoy this! I’m going to go finish my rant while these lists soak into your brain and melt away the common sense and logic you think go into pairing characters up in long term fashions. Got more names for the list? Leave them in the comments section!

Especially if you can think up any more married couples that are still going strong after all of these years!

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