1. Short sharp and shiny opening, detailing everything we need to know.
2. Magnus starts us off with a promo, being gracious in defeat to AJ Styles and calling out the members of EGO after the world’s most useless run-in last week. This guy’s good. Kazarian answers the challenge. No ref, so the rest of EGO runs out. A beat-down ensues. Of course. Samoa Joe and Sting make the save. Well, that was certainly an interesting way to start the show, and we have a 6-man tag later on tonight. Interesting, however, does not necessarily mean good.
3. What an odd backstage interaction between Sabin and Manik, with Sabin’s girlfriend Velvet Sky looking more jacked than her boyfriend.
4. Finally we have a proper match. Jeff Hardy v Manik, brought about because Manik wanted to prove himself last week. You know, I really like that as motivation for a match-up. And Sabin comes out with his music and everything. Okay.
5. After a rather competitive and surprisingly good match (though it felt like it never got out of second gear, to be honest) Hardy wins with the swanton. And then to the surprise of absolutely no-one who’s been watching wrestling for more than a year, Sabin attacks Manik and Hardy makes the save.
6. Earlier today… Dixie Carter shows why for some people even porn level acting is a challenge. And an interview with Sabin just goes to prove it.
7. Knockouts title match is next, ODB v Mickie James. While not the greatest TNA women’s match, after the absolute crap WWE has been feeding us lately with their Divas, this was a good match, given a decent amount of time with a hot crowd
8. ODB wins, new champion. And out comes Eric Young and Joseph Park to celebrate with her. And then the Bromance (Robbie E & Jesse) arrive. Crap ensues and this leads to a Robbie E v Eric Young impromptu match. Which Eric Young wins in less than 10 seconds! And this leads to Robbie E v Joseph Park, which Park wins in another sub-10 seconds. Then the Bromance jump Eric and Park from behind, and this leads to a beat-down until Park bleeds, Abysses-up and… Have I mentioned how much I hate Park?
9. Video recap of the Aces & Eights troubles kills some time.
10. Dixie and Hulk share… something. I guess.
11. Oh goody! Aces & Eights are out. With Miss Tessmacher on a freakin’ lead?! WTF?
12. Brisco and Bischoff and Knux stand up to Bully Ray and this is dragging on as A&8 crumbles in public. Okay, it made a point, and finally they’re fading. But… that was painful to watch.
13. Chavo and Hernandez v Storm and Gunner. If the challengers win, they get a title shot. That’s a stip that I just don’t get. If they win, shouldn’t they be the champions? Especially against a face team like Gunstorm?
14. But Chavo is injured, so we get Gunner v Hernandez instead, which is the more motivated of both teams fighting, so there is that.
15. Never has 5 minutes felt so much like an hour. Gunner finally wins with a sort of back-breaker variation for the pin.
16. Wow… after last week this show has been… well, to call it a let-down would be like calling a shit sandwich a let-down after eating a 3-pound T-bone steak.
17. EGO v MEM is next. Well, this is more like it! Match of the night by such a huge margin it’s not funny. It’s matches like this that show that TNA’s talent depth is there, and that Sting can still do something when motivated enough. The match ends when Magnus takes a bat shot meant for Sting and is pinned by Roode. Really good match. EGO beat MEM. This is going to be a more interesting feud with better matches than anything A&8 have done in the past 18 months. Seriously. It almost makes TNA worth watching again. Almost.
18. AJ’s out with a microphone. Why am I dreading this already?
19. Okay, I take it back. He cuts a promo name-dropping people left, right and centre, and everything he says has more than just the ring of truth – it’s what the fans have been saying as well. The crowd was with him this time. This was a good, heart-felt promo. Well done, AJ – you’ve just cut the best promo of your career. WWE – there he is…
20. Carter comes out and is booed. She talks and sounds half-drunk. Or maybe this is ‘acting’. And now she attacks for AJ for being not as good as he thinks he is. You know, like HHH did with Daniel Bryan. Weeks ago. This deteriorated fast. Her delivery is so… awful. And then she cuts his mic and everything else. Oh goody. Another evil owner angle. Oh… God.
Well. I tried. I watched another episode of Impact. I got a good women’s match. I got a really good 6-man tag. I got a lot of talking. I got acting that would embarrass the cast of an Australian soap opera. This was a chore to sit through.
Now, if you want to argue with me about TNA, fine. But don’t do it here, because this is just a show review. Do it over at my last column where you can see what I think and you can try to use logic to convince me that TNA is better than anything else out there. Go on. I dare you.
Tags: Aces & Eights, AJ Styles, Bully Ray, dixie carter, gunner, hernandez, impact, Jeff Hardy, magnus, Main Event Mafia, Manik, Mickie James, ODB, Sting, TNA