Can you hear the whistle blowing? Feel a rumbling in the rails? You better not try to ride over the tracks because you’ll be flattened by the Night Train to Terror. This cinematic gem from 1986 is more horrific than riding Amtrack from Newark to Philly. Now don’t confuse Night Train to Terror with Terror Train. There’s more weirdness here than Jamie Lee Curtis could ever escape. The original poster suggested this was a slasher film with a bloody knife between the rails. The film is not about a mere serial killer on the tracks. There’s more than one story riding the rails after dark. The movie is a horror anthology with a train ride as a framing device. Night Train to Terror has become more entertaining over the decades because the plot jumps the tracks every few minutes.
Right off the bat, this film exudes cheesy mood. A train hustles through the night. It’s cargo is an out of control ’80s band and their synchronized dancing groupies. This isn’t just any band from the Big ’80s era. They’re completely anonymous, but they seem like they must have opened for Frankie Goes to Hollywood or Duran Duran. They give a marathon performance of a song called “Everybody But You.” How was this not a hit on Miami Vice? The cast are dressed so stereotypical ’80s that it’s almost like a modern lazy wardrobe department passed out the clothes. Oscar winning screenwriter Philip Yordan is credited for the script. Why would he write such a film? Because his son Byron is the lead singer. The kid gets to show off his fierce break dancing moves. He was a triple threat in his last major film role. This might be the greatest cinematic gift since Pia Zadora’s husband paid for Butterfly. Also on board the train is God and Satan. They have decided to play a little game involving the souls of people in three different situations. Who will win the game before their final stop?
“The Case of Harry Billings” stars John Phillip Law (Barbarella & Danger: Diabolik). He’s a man who gets kidnapped and taken to an insane asylum. The staff turn him into a bit of a zombie so he can go out to and seduce women. He brings women back so they can have their organs harvested. Can Law fight his controllers? “The Case of Gretta Connors” involves a young couple making new friends. What they don’t suspect is that these people are hooked on playing death games. They enjoy very creative versions of Russian Roulette. One scene has them restrained in sleeping bags while a wrecking ball swings around them on a fraying rope. Will they come to their senses and quit the games? “The Case of Claire Hansen” is stylishly messed up. Cameron Mitchell (High Chaparral) is hunting down a Nazi except his trail leads to someone who is too young to be his target. The guy looks just like his 1940s photographs. Turns out the guy is serving more than Hitler. There’s odd moments of claymation that would frighten Will Vinton and the California Raisins. Don’t be shocked by Richard Moll (Bull on Night Court) with hair.
The stories within the film don’t quite feel properly paced like other horror anthology movies. There’s a reason for this sensation. Turns out these weren’t really short films. They were full length feature films that flopped or didn’t even get released. The trio were butchered down to around 25 minutes to fit in between the band cranking out another round of “Everybody But You.” The clumsy spliced narratives combined with the God and Satan schtick enhance the charm of the film. In way, you’re watching four bad movies condensed into 98 minutes of running time. The inadvertent comedy flows off the screen with each attempt to scare the audience. Ultimately Night Train to Terror is an entertainment trainwreck that will satisfy any lookie-lou.
The video is 1.85:1 anamorphic. The transfer is fine for a series of movies that weren’t exactly made with huge lighting budgets. You’ll notice details about the train set that will have you puzzled why the filmmaker thought it would fool viewers. The audio is 2.0 DTS-HD MA. While the actual mix isn’t that impressive, the soundtrack’s ’80s synth score and the numerous playings of “Everybody But You” will impress.
DVD contains everything on the Blu-ray and a little more.
Interview with Director Jay Schlossberg-Cohen is not a scene specific chat. The audio track does play beneath the film. He explains his life and eventually how he put together Night Train to Terror.
The Hysteria Continues Commentary is a trio of guys giving background on the movie and enjoying the ’80s pop sounds.
Theatrical Trailer (2:40) promises you a wild ride in the darkness.
Gretta (91:00) is the feature length version of “The Case of Gretta Connors” segment found only on the DVD. You can listen to a nearly 30 minute long audio commentary track from editor Wayne Schmidt. He gives a bit of background on the original film and what it took to snip it up to fit inside the Night Train.
Night Train to Terror is a gem of an ’80s horror anthology. This film would have been a classic just based on the band’s performance. But they top it with three disjointed tales of horror. If you’re a fan of schlock, this is a must have for the collection. This is the Weirdness Express.
Vinegar Syndrome presents Night Train to Terror. Directed by: Jay Schlossberg-Cohen. Screenplay by: Philip Yordan. Starring: John Phillip Law, Cameron Mitchell, Richard Moll and Byron Yordan. Running Time: 98 minutes. Rating: Unrated. Released: October 8, 2013.
