Welcome to Inside Pulse’s Live Coverage of WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders & Chairs 2013! Keep it here for all the match-by-match updates, with the latest update in ITALICS!
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Josh Mathews, Shawn Michaels, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and Ric Flair are on the preshow panel.
Road Dogg and Cody start the match. Cody weathers the initial onslaught and sends both Outlaws to the floor. Goldust wipes Billy out with a somersault senton, and Cody takes the Dogg out with a high cross body off the top rope. Then they take a commercial break. When we come back the Outlaws have taken control, and Goldust looks like his face may be injured. The Outlaws keep Goldust isolated from his brother and work him over. Goldust catches Billy with a snap powerslam. Tags are made and Cody is a house afire. Dogg cuts him off and tries the Pumphandle Slam but Cody counters to the Cross-Rhodes and Billy has to break up the cover. Billy makes a blind tag and hits Cody with the Fame-Ass-er to get the pin and give the Outlaws a sixth title reign.
WINNERS, and NEW WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS – The New Age Outlaws
The crowd is nuts for Bryan. Momentum shifts a few times early on, and when Bryan takes out Harper and Rowan with a suicide dive, they try to fight back and the referee catches them and sends them to the back. Wyatt and Bryan continue to go back and forth, but Bryan mostly keeps the advantage. Bryan focuses on the leg, wearing it down. Wyatt fights back and abuses Bryan in various ways. Bryan survives and they continue to beat the crap out of each other as the crowd loses its collective mind for Bryan. Wyatt seeks refuge on the floor and when Bryan tries to follow him out with a suicide dive, Wyatt catches him with Sister Abigail right into the barricade! Back in the ring Wyatt hits Sister Abigail again to get the pin.
WINNER – Bray Wyatt
Backstage – Renee Young gets a word with Paul Heyman, who promises victory for Brock Lesnar tonight.
Totino’s makes Pizza Rolls. They are yummy.
Back up to the Panel, which consists of Josh Mathews and three men who are all Hall of Famers and previous Royal Rumble winners. They put over the first match and preview the upcoming Lesnar versus Show clash.
Lesnar attacks Show right away and for some reason the bell does not ring. Heyman takes advantage by giving Lesnar a chair, which he uses to wear Show out. Finally the referee is able to separate the two long enough the get the bell rung, and Lesnar charges with the chair and Show hits the WMD! Show throws Lesnar around a little bit, and then Lesnar is able to pick Show up from out of nowhere and hit the F-5 to get the pin.
WINNER – Brock Lesnar
After the match Lesnar continues the massacre with a steel chair, absolutely destroying Show like he’s never been destroyed before. Then they replay the chair shots repeatedly. And over and over again.
Jackson Hewitt is a sponsor tonight, I assume.
Backstage – The Shield is getting prepared for the Royal Rumble match. They promise that they will be united, but that one of them will win and main event WrestleMania. Ambrose wants to know Reigns’ number, but refuses to reveal his own. Rollins makes peace.
Elsewhere – Renee Young is with WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton, who dismisses the notion that anyone besides him is the future of the WWE. Orton guarantees victory tonight.
WrestleMania XXX is just 70 days away.
“We Own It” by 2 Chainz & Wiz Khalifa is the official Royal Rumble theme song.
The crowd first chants “Daniel Bryan,” and then shifts to “Let’s Go Cena / Cena Sucks.” Orton and Cena go back and forth doing stuff, and the crowd is not particularly interested in what they’re trying to do. The crowd chants “boring,” so Orton takes Cena to the floor and throws him into the steps. It’s more interesting making out the crowd chants, such as “You Both Suck.” The guys are doing moves and the crowd is just not having it. Orton hits the Rope-hung DDT on the floor. They continue wrestling much to the chagrin of the crowd. The referee gets bumped and does not see Orton tapping out to the STF. Orton then gets the belt and decks Cena with it. That only gets a two-count. The crowd chants “this is awful” and then Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment for two. Orton hits an RKO from his usual place (out of nowhere) but it only gets two. He goes for the Punt and misses. A series of reversals ends with Orton locking on the STF. Cena reverses to the Crossface. Orton turns that into a pin for two. He then hits the AA for two. Cena responds with an RKO for two. He hits a DDT and then locks on the STF. Orton can’t reach the ropes, and then for some reason the Wyatt Family comes out. The distraction allows Orton to hit the RKO for the pin.
WINNER, and STILL WWE CHAMPION – Randy Orton
The Wyatt Family destroy Cena after the match, with Wyatt finishing him off with Sister Abigail.
The WWE Network is coming, starting February 24. Please take my money now.
Backstage – Renee Young is with the new WWE Tag Team Champions, the New Age Outlaws. It’s been 14 years since they lost won Tag Team Titles.
Totino’s still make pizza rolls.
Elimination Chamber comes to pay-per-view on February 23.
Royal Rumble Promos – The Miz, The Usos, Big E Langston, Fandango, Batista, Damien Sandow, Ryback, and Rey Mysterio. Up at the panel, Duggan picks Dolph Ziggler, Michaels picks The Shield or CM Punk, and Flair goes with Batista.
CM Punk of course is #1, and Seth Rollins joins him at #2. They go back and forth for approximately 90 seconds and then Damien Sandow comes out at #3. Former WWE Tag Team Champion Cody Rhodes is #4. He goes right after Sandow but gets cut off by Rollins. Punk backdrops Sandow to the floor for the first elimination. #5 is the Director of Operations Kane, who peels off his suit on his way to the ring. That’s cool. Kane obviously focuses on Punk, but drops the ball and gets eliminated! NXT standout Alexander Rusev is the #6 entrant. Next up is Jack Swagger at #7. Kofi Kingston is #8. Jimmy Uso is #9 and he goes after Rollins. The other Rhodes boy, Goldust is out at #10. A group of dudes throws Rusev out. Kingston gets thrown out of the ring but Rusev catches him and for some reason sets him on the barricade, so Kingston’s feet haven’t touched the floor. Kingston runs off the barricade and leaps back into the ring. That was neat. Dean Ambrose is #11. Jim Duggan’s official pick, Dolph Ziggler is out at #12. The crowd is really into him. R-Truth is lucky #13 and he quickly gets tossed by Ambrose. Jimmy Uso is next to go. Kevin Nash is out at #14. He quickly dumps Swagger out. We’re haflway through as #15 is Roman Reigns. He tosses Kingston out, and then Ziggler flattens him with a DDT. Reigns responds with a crazy Spear, and then Ziggler is tossed. He tosses Nash next. #16 is The Great Khali, and the Shield wisely go right after him. Reigns is able to dump him out. Goldust accidentally eliminates his brother Cody, and then Reigns dumps Goldust out. We’re down to just The Shield and Punk. Sheamus makes his surprise return at #17! Next up is The Miz at #18. My boy Fandango is #19. The crowd is into him. The #20 entrant is actually El Torito. The little bull calls out Punk and gives him a headscissors. Fandango sucker punches Torito, which is awesome. Unfortunately for Fandango, Torito is able to eliminate him! Reigns then gets a hold of Torito and hurls him to the floor.
We get into the last third as Antonio Cesaro is #21. Cesaro starts dishing out Giant Swings to everyone. Rollins gets the worst of it, and the crowd loves it. Next is Luke Harper at #22. Jey Uso is #23 and the ring is getting pretty full. #24 is the color man, JBL! The awesome JBL wants Cole to take his coat, and then he gets eliminated by Reigns! The crowd chants “You Still Got It.” #25 is Erick Rowan. Harper and Rowan eliminate Miz, and then Jey Uso. Next out at #26 is Ryback. The Wyatt Family and The Shield tear into each other. #27 is former winner Alberto Del Rio. Finally Batista makes his way out at #28. The crowd immediately boos. Batista tosses Rowan, and then squares off with Ryback. It doesn’t take long for Ryback to get tossed. Del Rio drills Batista with a superkick, but quickly gets eliminated. Intercontinental Champion Big E Langston is #29. E manhandles Sheamus for funsies. The field completes with Rey Mysterio at #30. Poor Rey gets booed out of the building for not being Daniel Bryan. Sheamus eliminates Langston. Rollins eliminates Mysterio. Reigns dumps Harper out, and then Ambrose tries to eliminate Reigns. Rollins tries to keep the peace, but he, Amrose, and Cesaro all get eliminated by Reigns!
We’re down to the final four – CM Punk, Roman Reigns, Sheamus, and Batista. For some reason Kane makes his way back in to eliminate Punk. The crowd is not happy. Kane clears the Spanish Announce Table and Chokeslams him through it. Sheamus becomes the first person to point at the WrestleMania sign this season. Reigns eliminates Sheamus to break the record by eliminating 12 guys in one Rumble, beating Kane’s record of 11 from 2001. We’re down to the last two – Reigns and Batista. The crowd falls in love with Reigns by default. I feel like they would chant for JTG in the same situation. Batista hits the worst Spear ever. Reigns responds with his own Spear, but then Batista throws Reigns out to win his second Royal Rumble.
WINNER – Batista
