CH Punk’s Global Spectacular Starring Jeff Jarrett, Bullet Club, Cass and Enzo, and Jade

Columns, Top Story

So… WWE Tag Tournament is still here. Awesome. WWE had to bring in two teams from NXT for this, and Apollo Crews followed. Why did he follow? Why isn’t Anderson and Gallows in this stupid tourney. I haven’t watched RAW yet because it’s 7:15 pm, on the West Coast.

Cass and Enzo are great. It’s about time WWE hired some pro-wrestlers. Now Vince needs to keep theses guys and fire the rest of the roster, except Jericho, Ambrose, and the Women. Everyone else is just a pretend MMA stuntman. As a wee lad you could tell who was a pro-wrestler because they dressed like a Goddamn lunatic. The jobbers wore “proper attire” and did the no frills bullshit. I could nearly call Cass and Enzo, “Test Jr and DDP Jr”. Cass is better than Test, for now. Enzo, I can’t tell yet. I’m sure he’s light-years beyond DDP. DDP was good, but not consistent at all.

Speaking of inconsistent, I’m hearing TNA was supposedly evicted from their HQ. That could be true. TNA will never say that happened. I thought their TV deal was doing well, the channel likes the show?

It’s cool that Jade has the KO belt. She should’ve had that earlier, instead of putting her as one of Kong’s lackeys. Hopefully she can keep the belt off Rebel and Belle. I’m not quite impressed with them.

GFW has apparently turned to pyramid schemes to get capital. You know your company is in trouble when your ideas are from the same manual as the one read by Cobra Commander. Even if this is a rumor, Jarrett still failed. No one bought his “Global Territory System” bullshit. Hopefully he figures out that the World doesn’t equal just Memphis.

Kurt Angle is retiring to teach, or whatever. Anyway expect him to show up on Raw soon. Probably as a non-wrestler for now because he’s “The Walking Wellness Policy Violation”. I’d do anything to watch an angle where Kane has to babysit Kurt, and make sure he doesn’t wrestle, and they get into all these hijinks. Have Kane getting in trouble because of Kurt is a danger to himself.

Oh and Bobby Roode will likely show soon. He could be as big as AJ, or even higher. I’d like him as the main heel, if they don’t turn Roman.
I guess Eric Young could be signed, but I’m worried he’ll be something stupid like Sheamus’s wacky Canadian brother-in-law. He’ll then be quietly let go.

Hey, what happened to Balor? I thought Finn was going to début with Anderson and Gallows? Meh, maybe it happened already?

CH Punk comes from Beverly Hills, California; but considers himself a citizen of the World. Punk also turned heel at age 5, after receiving a LJN Iron Sheik figure for Christmas. On that day he vowed he would stuff his Sheik figure up Hulk Hogan's nose, to ruin Hulkamania. By 1995 Hogan had already ruined it without CH's help.