WWE Raw 9/5/16 Recap (Owens vs. Zayn, Sasha Announcement)

The show opens with a recap of HHH giving Owens the title, amid a series of Tweets and press statements – so they mixed the presentation a bit and it worked nicely. HHH was put over Owens as the focus though, with Owens basically be “the guy holding the gold” akin to Orton doing so with HHH. Stephanie exposits to someone on the phone, while she’s wearing a Connor’s Cure pin. Mick asks Steph why HHH made him look like a fool and she insults him for asking if she thought that HHH would come in. Foley talks about hugging Steph in ’98 after HIAC and she says that’s just dealing with TOO MUCH now. I think she got a B+ from the Elizabeth Berkley school of acting.


Owens comes out in an all-black suit and they’ve added a Connor’s Cure logo to the rampway – that seems a bit awkward. Owens buries the fans for chanting “you deserve it” because they’re making it about themselves. He also declares Raw to be the Kevin Owens Show before Seth comes down to the babyface reaction he should have been getting since he returned. Seth buries Steph for tearing his knee to shreds, coming back, and getting paid back like this.

Seth yells at Steph, so of course Mick defends her. Seth says he’ll tear the show down, and Kevin asks where this passion has been. Well, he won the WWE Title on his first back – so yeah. Seth attacks Owens, and Steph suspends him for…hitting a wrestler a few times in a pro wrestling ring? Foley un-suspends him. PICK. A. SIDE! 17 minutes in and Mick has been castrated by Steph, against Steph, defended Steph, and now is against Steph. Mick says he was hired to make matches and he asks to be able to do that here. Mick makes Seth vs. Owens at Clash of Champions. Bayley vs. Charlotte is up next.


A Backlash ad hypes up the show for this Sunday, which really doesn’t feel like it’s coming up so soon. Backstage, Mick makes Owens vs. Sami tonight, leading to Jericho insulting him with some great lines – including “HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BEST FRIEND AND THE LONGEST-REIGNING WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION IN HISTORY!”. Jericho vs. Seth is made. Charlotte and Dana come out, and Dana has a clipboard – we get context from the pre-show with Charlotte telling her to take notes. Bayley comes out in her red and gold gear. They tie-up and Charlotte wins that one, elbows her, and pie-faces Bayley down. Bayley eats some buckles, but fires up and throws Charlotte’s face into the buckle a few times. Bayley hits a slow and awkward version of her torpedo dropkick.

Charlotte locks on a figure four on the neck and does the face jam bit, but they use a bad angle showing it’s just Charlotte slamming her knees into the mat. Charlotte goes for a figure four, but Bayley kicks her – so Charlotte turns it into a half-crab. Bayley kicks out of that, so Charlotte chops her around in the corner. Bayley fights out of the corner and hits her flying back elbow off the second rope. Bayley to Belly hits and she wins – so we’re getting a rematch at the PPV. THE GIRLHOOD DREAM…HAS COME TRUE! And it only took three weeks! Well, she didn’t win the title, but they are fast forwarding through this rivalry.


Connor’s Cure video package. Cruiserweight hype video showcases Jack Gallagher – so I guess he’s signed. Charlotte yells at Dana with more God-awful acting leading to Charlotte saying she just lost to the “Sesame Street Kid” and slaps her. Bo Dallas comes out with a new Bo-Lieve in Bo sign, tron, and singlet. Bo runs wild with knees to the face. I forgot he even had offense, and he wins with a Roll of the Dice. They hyped up an OLD FART skit with The Club. We get more greatness from Jericho and Owens, the only two actual friends on Raw.

Jericho comes down to face Seth. Seth runs wild with chops and kicks to start. He dominates on the floor with knees and thankfully no barricade bombs. Owens looks on from his locker room unamused before Jericho baseball slides Seth. Mid-ring punch exchange leads to Seth hitting a blockbuster for 2. Seth hits the flying knee, but a springboard knee is countered into the Walls. Seth gets the ropes, avoids a superplex, and misses a High Fly Flow, but the Lionsault gets 2. Seth avoids a Codebreaker, and wins with a Pedigree.


Cesaro comes out for match three in the series with Sheamus. Cesaro’s inset promo hypes up him coming back from behind to win the series. Sheamus says he will be dominant and win to get the title match. Cesaro slugs away to start, but Sheamus attacks the back to dead silence. A Brogue kick ends it and Sheamus is now 3-0 in the series. They hype up that match 4 will be at the O2 on Wednesday.

The Shining Stars welcome everyone to Puerto Rico, but Cass and Enzo are probably not down with that. Enzo is the one guy on the team who dresses like a star – Enzo looks like a CAW using Test as a template and wearing a Nash half-shirt from ’98. Enzo says they got a cuppa hataz, and no one is gonna but their Caribbean timeshares. Enzo gives birth to a mock baby named SAWFT. Epico trips Enzo up to give them an edge before Primo hits three suplexes and mock Enzo’s little strut. Primo is put in a tree of woe, giving Enzo a way to tag Cass in and run wild. Cole calls him “The Big Guy!” Enzo eats a distraction schoolboy and loses. That was an outstanding match layout – absolutely no one was helped in any way by its content or the result.


Sami says he’s directionless and he says it bothers him, and he’s jealous. Owens says he crossed the finish line first, and Sami points out that he beat him at Battleground and says the race between them will never be over. Nia Jax is still unlike most girls, and squashes Ann Esposito – who at least get some kicks and a sleeper, but eats her weird Samoan strongest slam thing.

Gallows and Anderson are mid-ring saying their names and state that they are retirement specialists – and will retire New Day as Raw Tag Team Champions. Luke can’t remember what OLD FART stands for, so he just says it. Old Day comes out to the sound of crickets. New Day comes out and exchange barbs with The Old Day. Old Day twerks, before New Day saves things a bit by dancing and then beat up The Old Day. This was dreadful. Seth-Owens recap leads to them showing off their PPV graphic.


Jinder is out to face Darren Young. Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal is how they chose to follow up that segment. Yikes. Titus is on commentary and asks why he should be jealous of Darren, and Cole says he has no idea why he would. Well, this is all a great use of TV time. Titus comes down, but Darren is TOO SMART TO BE DISTRACTED and wins with the Gut Check. Titus and Darren brawl. Backstage, Alicia comes out of the trainer’s room after meeting with her friend that Nia faced. We get some weird deal where Nia acts like Total Divas is fake, but WWE TV is real. Alicia stands up to Nia, goes crazy, and Nia runs. Well, they finally did something with Nia.

Recap of Braun destroying Americo last week. Sin Cara faces him this week and we get an inset promo with the Mexican Sin Cara fights for the honor of AMERICO THE AMERICAN LUCHADOR! Sin Cara has gone from the original Mistico/Sin Cara theme to some generic music. Braun kicks his ass, but only wins via countout and then beats him up more outside. Sasha comes out and Byron says he’s expecting the worst – so she’s not retiring then.


She says the WWE Universe was searching for a revolution, they were tired of chicks on Instagram, and then there were women like Moolah, Mae Young, Alundra Blayze, who broke the mold and laid the foundation and wrote the first pages of a book of change. I have no idea what this goofy thing is, and then she buries the butterfly belt, bra and panties matches, and puts over Stephanie as the leader of the women’s wrestling revolution. She talks about saving up money by recycling cans to get a ticket for a WWE show. She met with the doctors and got some bad news – but first, Dana comes out. Well, that joke writes itself. She says she’ll finish what Charlotte started at Summerslam. Sasha beats her up and says she’ll face Charlotte at Clash of Champions – I guess leading to a three-way since Bayley pinned Charlotte and should theoretically deserve a short more than Sasha, who lost.


Sami comes out to face Owens, and the show has been so bad that he barely gets a reaction. Owens comes out with his new Kevin Owens Show Raw-logo shirt. They go back and forth for a bit before the barricade moonsault hits Owens for an ad break. Sami gets slapped, so he fires up and throws KO to the floor. Sami hits a flip dive, then another before getting 2 off the Blue Thunder Bomb. Sami avoids the cannonball and lands a corner exploder. Owens sets up an apron powerbomb, but Sami fights out. Sami hits the half and half suplex for 2. They fight on the floor and Sami hits a half and half suplex ON THE FLOOR. Boy should Owens probably not take bumps like this right when his main event push starts. Sami’s injured ankle gives out on the helluva kick, so Owens hits a powerbomb and wins it.  Great match – but a largely bad show. Roman Reigns comes down to a chorus of boos. Foley comes out and says that if Roman can beat Owens next week, it’s a triple threat at Clash of Champions. Roman has clearly earned this by…not being able to win the Universal tourney, or the US Title.

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