I’m getting tired of WWE’s no cheating policy. When I was growing up everybody was taking chairshots, having their manager on the apron, and putting their feet on the ropes. Seriously why are heels not cheating? WWE has the dumbest villains ever.
Don’t hand me this PG Era bullshit because heels were only winning by cheating back when this shit started. I think Vince is so afraid of running out of ideas that he only allows one wrestler to do one thing at one time. Kane was supposed to comeback last Monday, and it was held back because WWE already had Sting coming. Why not have both, and then on last night’s Raw we could have Kane team up with whoever and go from there? We can’t because Vince is horrible at making creative decisions, and Stephanie McMahon is basically him in woman form. Once Vince dies (He’ll never die), we’ll still have the same bullshit. Since it’s Hunter and Steph running things, they’ll be more cautious. We’ll get the same old shit and vindictive crap we always got. Vince learned how to be a vindictive asshole from his dad, and I’m sure Stephanie picked it up, and Hunter is warming up to it.
The higher-ups in WWE will never allow the return of crazy shit, that was the Attitude Era. No one will get crucified, no one will be offered Ho’s in exchange for giving up a match to the Godfather, and no women will ever get put through a table. (I’m actually okay with losing that last one.) The fun has been over for the heels since 2013. Although I’d say it started around the time Damien Sandow lost his MitB Cash-In to Cena, and when Orton turned heel at SummerSlam 2013. This was the last time I saw a heel that was worth anything, and saw another worthy heel turned into a generic nobody.
When Randy Orton won SummerSlam 2013, that he and Daniel Bryan would headline WrestleMania. I though we’d have a storyline similar to Rock Vs Austin in 1998-1999. Instead of Triple H and Stephanie building Orton and the Authority Heels into a stable of elite villains, we got Randy Orton throwing temper tantrums because Hunter and Steph refuse to help him cheat, unless he was facing Daniel Bryan. Why was the Authority not helping their guys cheat? Where were the beat-downs? Why was Corporate Kane,and the Shield around if they won’t help each other win matches? Sometimes they helped each other cheat, but not consistently. The Authority mostly argued and got into dick-waving contests with each other.
Orton is one of the worst booked heel champs I’ve ever seen. He was booked worse than when Jeff Jarrett created a stable of 20 million heels, and called it “Planet Jarrett”. At least when Jarrett created a heel stable, he remembered to book the whole stable as heels. Orton was seen as a paper champion, only fans weren’t mad at him for it because they were bored of him. Orton was already stale before his 2013 heel turn because he takes 20 minutes to get to the ring, wears the same boring gear, then at the last second he remembers he’s in a wrestling match and does an RKO. It’s like WWE pushes him to the moon, and immediately says, “Uh, Randy could you tone it down, so we don’t runout of ideas on what to do with you? Thanks.”, that must happen because he was awesome in that 2009 Triple H feud.
Now Seth is champ, and he went from Cerebral Assassin 2.0, possibly even smarter than Triple H, to bratty paper champ 2.0. He doesn’t need to be booked strong, but he does need to be able to do his job. He doesn’t need to be in backstage segments trying to get permission from the Authority every time he has to take a shit. The reason Vince and Rock, and Vince and Triple H worked so well was because we knew that at anytime Rock, or Hunter could rebel against Vince. The rebellion could go in any direction too. Vince might takeout Rock, or Rock could outsmart Vince. I don’t get the feeling that Randy Orton, or Seth would be allowed to outsmart the Authority every week on Raw? I can’t see Seth getting mad and telling Reigns, “Alright God Dammit! I’m putting the belt on the line also!”, the title is only put up when the Authority says so because they have total control. The “total control” has a shelf life, like a 3 month shelf-life, not a two-year one. Stephanie McMahon and Hunter aren’t afraid of the talent, like Vince was. Vince created the Corporation as a means to combat his out-of-control roster that hated him. The Corporation hated him, and the guys in the Corporation worse.
I don’t see Kane (with, or without the mask) scaring the Authority enough that they might need to turn on him. John Cena’s “Drew Carrey” comment killed all his heat because Kane wasn’t allowed to be an evil corporate madman. Kane had to be a literal office worker that for some reason yells at you when your boss gets mad, but you don’t care because the guy can’t fire you.
I have to talk about Kevin Owens because he’s everyone’s guy. I don’t know much about his ROH time, or his NXT run. When he showed up on NXT, I just thought he was another Indy slob. His promos are great, and he’s got talent, but he’s a slob in basketball shorts, and t-shirt. I feel like I’ve seen him at every Indy show I’ve ever been to. I haven’t but God he has a horrible look. I haven’t been impressed with his WWE promos, but that’s WWE’s fault. I don’t know he looks more like a ring crew guy that’s still training to be a wrestler. His talent and promos don’t make up for his goofy look because when people see him on a poster, they’ll think John Cena is fighting the dish washer at Cracker Barrel for the USA Belt. I actually like him now, but my first impressions were not good. Always buy the best wrestling gear first kids because fans will get over your green horn style, and stuttering promos if you look like a professional that cares. Seriously, don’t just buy a t-shirt and black cargo pants. You can dress like Matt Hardy later. Also remember this one tip, DON’T GET A SWASTIKA TATTOO! I’m the smartest man in pro-wrestling that never profited from pro-wrestling.
I will get into the Wyatts, Miz, Stardust, and New Day at another time, I want to see if they’re going to switch up soon.
Top Heels That Dressed Like Morons.
5-Balls Mahoney
4-Al Snow in a halter singlet
3- Christian, when he had long hair
2-Undertaker‘s half-assed Dead man outfit at WrestleMania 20
1-John Laurinaitis and his long-sleeve wrestle suit. Seriously why didn’t he go with the sleeveless “Endeavored” shirt? Fuck. I want my evil authority figures to look cool. John can wrestle in street clothes because he’s earned that shit.
