Quickie Intro
Hi everyone, and welcome to the beginning of the second month of Movies Pulse, and the fourth edition of The Gatekeepers Guide to Movies. I’d just like to take a second and apologize for being MIA last week. The holiday kept me pretty busy,and combine that with a pretty heavy attack of whatever the heck I was sick with and I just couldn’t get the job done. And, seeing as I care about this gig and those of you who read this gig, I feel a short apology is in order. So, there you go.
Also, for those of you who read this (And, could you let me know you exist? Feedback, they say, is good for the soul) you know that it’s usually up Friday mornings. Given the current school/work/December schedule, it might be arriving a bit later than that. Nothing like a day or three, but more like a few hours. Again, nothing major, but you deserve every heads up.
Now then, I hope everybody had a good Turkey Day (Or what ever it is you do or don’t do). Let’s jump on in and see what’s been going on in the world of Movies and the Pulse.
News You Can Use, and I Abuse
War of the Worlds Pictures and Poster Appear
A new teaser poster and set pics for Steven Spielberg’s upcoming War of the Worlds appeared online this week. The pictures were taken around the Brooklyn location where the movie will film for a few more days.
If sci-fi remakes of classic films are your cup of tea, then you can’t go wrong here. Hell, movie fans in general can’t go wrong here. You’ve got aliens attacking the world, Tom Cruise fighting them off, and Spielberg making all the magic happen. What more could you ask for? All preliminary signs (And there haven’t been that many yet) point to this being awesome, and it’s definitely right up there with Batman and Star Wars on my watch list.
Metal Gear Movie Coming Soon?
On Tuesday, Variety reported that Hideo Kojima, creator of the hit videogame series Metal Gear Solid, has finally decided to sell the game’s film rights. “Things one can express in a game are differnet of those in a movie”, says Kojima. “It would have to be a very different script, almost a different story.” No studios had yet placed bids for the rights.
I know that the gamer in me should be mad with glee. Metal Gear Solid broke me into my first Playstation, and it’s probably my second favorite game of all time. MGS 2 did incredible things for a first (or second?) generation PS2 title, and the new MGS3 is reportedly as great. Yet, I just can’t get that excited about this, for the same reasons a Halo movie scares me. It’s brilliant on paper, and fantasy casting would make it a five star blockbuster. But this would have a LOT to live up to, and the stigma of videogame movies is still very high. Personally, at this point, I’d rather a film didn’t get made, but that is an attitude I would be very, very willing to change if things went right behind the scenes on this one. Someting to keep an eye on, at the least.
Tom Hanks IS Robert Langdon
Tom Hanks was confirmed as the lead in the upcoming film adaptation of the hit novel The Da Vinci Code by Columbia Studios on Wednesday. Ron Howard will direct and produce along with partner Brian Grazer and John Calley. Akiva Goldsman penned the screenplay adaptation of the Dan Brown bestseller. Hanks will portray famed symbologist Robert Langdon who, along with French cryptologist Sophie Neveu, investigates the murder of the curator of the Louvre. They uncover hidden clues within the artwork of Leonardo Da Vinci, secret societies and a long-lost religious artifact.
Well, thank the Lord for small favors huh? Now this is a movie to get excited about. You think Nic Cage and National Ripoff, err, I mean, National Treasure was good? That was just a taste of the awesome-ness that is Dan Brown’s novel. I covered all of this a few weeks ago, but now it is 100% officially confirmed. May 19th, 2006 is a LONG way away though.
New Godfather Author Says No Fourth Film
The new Godfather novel has been out for a little while, and rumor has it that Paramount wants to get a fourth film off the ground. Mark Winegardener, author of the fourth boo, has stated his commitment is to literature. Also, his take on the story might not be what Paramount is looking for, anyway, as it is more of a ‘fill in the blanks’ novel than a sequel. His story kicks off at the end of the original chapter, when Michael eliminates the heads of all the five families. The story will address the children of elder son Sonny, as well a everything that went on while the Corleone were establishing themselves in Vegas.
The idea of a fourth Godfather is one that doesn’t really need to be entertained. In this world of sequels out the yin-yang and remakes galore, I’d like to see them leave this classic trilogy alone. And it looks like they will be, for now.
Talk about a slow news week. Look what a holiday does to you: Four ‘main’ headlines, one a rerun from weeks ago! There just hasn’t been that much ‘major’ news to bring to you. So, with that in mind, let me instead give you:
News Bytes in 120 Seconds
A bunch of these this week. You’ll need to read a bit faster to meet the 120 second mark. Can you handle it?
Puss in Boots Spin-off in the Works – So you get the cat direct-to-video, and then two more Shrek films. Can we say over-exposure?
Mrs. Doubtfire 2 Probably Happening – Yeah, because we need to see THIS instead of original Robin Williams material. Lighting does not usually strike twice in cross-dressing land.
Hoffman in Car Wars, Berry in Perfect Stranger – Hoffman is still hillarious, Halle should just take off for, umm, a long while.
Mummy 3 and X-Files 2 are Coming Too – No Brendan Fraser or Rachel Weisz = no Mummy. X-Files 2 could feature an invasion, and that would be cool, I guess.
X3 Features the Dark Phoenix, and Wolverine is an Origin Tale – Now, this is what you call a deserving spinoff and necessary sequel. Still no director for X3, though.
The Usual Suspects 2: Searching for Keyser Soze? – Damn you Hollywood! Can you leave nothing sacred alone?!?!
Natalie Portman Says No for Lois Lane – But she’d be more than happy to be in Indiana Jones 4. Go figure.
Colin Farrell to Star in Miami Vice? – This makes Farrell apparently incredibly excited, yet he still hasn’t signed. Yeah, that makes sense.
Nick Cassavetes Will Direct Iron Man; Raimi in Planning Stage of Spidy 3 – Possible good news for Iron Man fans, and Raimi won’t talk about the villian. It won’t be Venom, because Hollywood hates me.
Bond Producers Debating Adapting Casino Royale as Bond 21 – A move to beat Tarantino/Brosnan to it, ignoring the fact Quentin noted he probably won’t be doing it anyway. Who cares at this point?
There was some more stuff this week, but nothing overly interesting. You want even more? Okay, fine: They’re bringing Hairspray to the big screen, Val Kilmer is starring in a comedy, The Fog is still getting remade, and Sly Stallone is still self-conscious.
Happy now?
Reviews We Sit Through – For You!
Wow, a guy misses one week, and the theatrical reviews are up to the ceiling. Seriously though, the crew put in a decent amount of work these past two weeks, and most of the major pics have been reviewed.
First up, Brendan Campbell takes a trip to the land of women and sits through Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. Was it worth it? Did he like it at all? Well, surprisingly (To me), yes he did. Read all about it here.
Remember how I said National Treasure is just a Da Vinci rip-off? Well, I wasn’t lying to you folks, and I’m not crazy! I don’t even have to see the picture to know what I’m talking about. Travis Leamons saw it and was a bit less than impressed. Read him here.
Also, Travis checked out Christmas with the Kranks and from the looks of it, well…I think this quote sums it up nicely. “I’d rather shoot my eye out with a Red Rider BB Gun than see this movie again.” What a shame, considering the talent pool of this movie. You can check out the review here.
Michaelangelo McCullar has put in a lot of work these past two weeks, and has done a bang-up job, to say the least. Alrighty, first we have his review of Ong-Bak, which is a treat for the martial arts fans. Next up is House of Flying Daggers, which is a solid action film with a story to tell. It’s not all about CRACKING SKULLS, damn it! Next, we change it up a bit with a review of Tom Hank’s Christmas vehicle, The Polar Express. This flick freaks me out for some reason, and it turns out to be just okay. Finally, he reviews Oldboy, which is….one of the best revenge films and one of the best films of the year? Very cool, but personally I’ve never even heard of it. Anyway, personal kudos to McCullar for the great reviews these past two weeks.
Oops, almost forgot. He also wrote his views on what feels is the “Best. Superhero. Movie. Ever.” with The Incredibles. You can check that out here. This marks the second Incredibles review on the site.
Yours truly went out and saw that SpongeBob movie before the holiday. I liked it. Read why here.
Arturo R. Garcia has taken the time to see and review what appears to be another solid movie that isn’t playing anywhere near me (Or one I’ve ever heard of). The Inheritance is the best movie out of Denmark and if you want to know more about it, click here.
Christian Bale, aka Batman, lost 60 pounds for his role in The Machinist. Was his sacrafice worth it? Ryan Closs thinks so, and he tells you why in his review.
Mr. Closs also reviews the new Liam Neeson film Kinsey. Seems like this one is another winner too. Check it out here.
On DVD
Not so much on DVD this week, but that’s okay, because I’d say it’s fairly supplemented by the boatload of theatrical releases we covered. Still, we have some for you.
Before Sunset – As a movie, and specifically as a sequel, this film is a success. As a DVD though, that’s another story. Check out Michaelangelo’s review here.
I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead – Ryan Closs clocks in with his review of this lackluster title. Check out his full review right here.
The Hebrew Hammer – Michaelangelo reviews this funny film, which is worth your rental at the least. I have no words for this one, so just go ahead and read the review.
We Even Do Columns!
Oh, the great lengths we go to for you people. We’ve got some great original content in weekly columns, and some really talented writers. Being over one month in, I think it’s safe to say all of our guys have really come into their own in terms of style and content. Don’t believe me? See for yourself!
First up this week, Brad Torreano stops by for some Holiday lovin with Mono Culto IV. He talks about the best film for Thanksgiving…err, a resource you can use next year. Also, he discusses Unearthed Films and pays a noble tribute to one of the greatest actors ever.
When you’re done with that, be sure to check out Mondo Culto V! He covers the history of wrestling movies, and it proves to be a very fun AND informative column. What more can you ask for?
Next on the list, J. Kern stops by the theater for his Dollar Movie Review and spends NINE DOLLARS just to get in. Nine dollars, surely he saw an instant classic? Oh, no no no, he saw NATIONAL TREASURE! Ha, haha Mr. Kern, because it is you and not me. Though I do respect the hell out of him for being so courageous. So, what do you think the final tally was? Click already and find out! **Note: Mr. Kern, -$9.00 for highlighting the fact that Pulse staff are really members of the Freemasons/Illuminati. Because we aren’t. At all. Nope. Not one bit. Ahem. End note***
Kern then returns to the familiar dollar review with Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2. That’s right, one of the worst movies EVER, torn apart by Kern as he suffered through it. This is hillarious and Kern at his best yet; it also has the lowest tally of any of the Dollar Movie Reviews. Check it out!
Michaelangelo was definitely on a kung-fu mood last week. His column, The Perfect Film took a look at Kiss of the Dragon, and I agree: basic story + nonstop action = movie goodness. Check him out for the details. **Note: Kudos for the Pimping, and McCullar pimps the whole damn Pulse practically. Hey, if it’ll send more movie love my way, I’ll pimp the Hell out of the Pulse too! I’m a shout-out whore, and I’m proud to admit it. End note***
He chimes in this week with another perfect flick, Blade. Somehow or another I’ve never seen it, but after reading how perfect it is, I’ve got it Netflixed. Gotta love McCullar for all the perfect-goodness.
Brendan Campbell turned in the final chapter of his Golden Boys Trilogy and I know you’re dying to know who won that one (If you haven’t checked it out since last week, when it was posted, and if you haven’t, shame on you, SHAME I say). And then Brendan decided to disappear out of the country on some cruise of some sort. Which I figured would be good, because then he wouldn’t have the oppertunity to make me look so bad with all of his friggin work for the site. But guess what, the guy DOES A COLUMN WHILE ON A CRUISE! How…oh, wait a second, he wrote it before he left. Well, actually, that’s damn good looking out. Brendan’s Ridiculously Good Looking Movie Column talks briefly about Alexander, then goes into “Proper Movie Theatre Etiquette”. You have to read this one to beleive it.
Rob Sutton is back with RobTr, whoops, R0BTRAIN’S Badass Cinema. This week he tackles cinematic heroes and their return to the big screen, over and over again. Click on over to Total Bond-age Part 1: Genesis and read about Bond, James Bond. Rob details the first two Bond films in this entertaining read.
Last, but most definitely not least, Jon Bieda checks in with his own Movie vs. Film. He has a rather unique pairing this week, with Terminator 2 battling it out with Groundhog Day. I was pretty surprised at first, but as I read I could see the argument and point of view Jon went with when comparing the films. I think that he’s stretching it a bit, but the themes do make the two compareable, barely. Bah, stop reading me and read HIM, because he does an excellent job comparing the two, and most definitely makes the right choice in the end (I’m waiting for the day when I argue with you, Jon. Oh how I’m waiting…).
Can’t Forget the Holidays!
And I almost did. *Whew* We here at Movies Pulse came together and created for you, the loyal reader, a series of previews of the major holiday releases coming out this…err, holiday season. Normally, I’d link you to each individual column and such, but it is quite late and I need at least some sleep for work tomorrow, so instead I’m just going to point you over to the newest section of Movies Pulse, the Features Section. You will find everything you’re looking for in there, even a special introduction by my mystery boss himself, Steve Coogan. Enjoy!
Norty’s Brief Rant: Movie Trailers
Everyone loves a teaser trailer. When you go to a movie, you know that while you can technically stroll in ten minutes later than the official showtime, you want to be there ten minutes early so you can sit there and enjoy the giddy feeling in your stomach as the lights dim, the commercials *Gah* finish, and that green screen flashes: “The Following Preview Has Been Approved…”. More often than not, it’s a mystery as to what you will see. Will you get a peak at that movie you’re dying to see? Or maybe at some new film you hadn’t heard of before, or even both if you’re really lucky. It is truly one of the great things about going to a movie.
But lately something has seemed off to me. As I sit in my seat, tub-o-popcorn in my lap, soft drink in my hand, and that green screen flashes on, I am no longer filled with the giddy feeling. Not entirely. Instead, it is a strange combination of anticipation and dread. And I hadn’t even noticed it until lately. But as I watched a trailer for an upcoming Christmas comedy, suddenly it clicked in my brain, and I knew right then what had been getting worse and worse.
The trailers give away the whole damn movie.
What the hell happened Hollywood? When did it become acceptable to give me the entire plot, and every major joke, of Christmas With the Kranks? What the hell is the point? Why do you think it’s okay now for me to know everything that’s going to happen in Meet the Fockers, including a sub-plot I had NO idea existed, and would have been downright hilarious had I gone into it unaware. But no, you had to ruin that for me, didn’t you? Fat Albert, Mr. and Mrs Jones, Lemony Snicket, The Interpreter, and more.
The worst part isn’t that these are totally unnecessary, oh no. The worst part is there are actual TEASER trailers still being made. Take a look at Batman, for example. Or, Bewitched. The Incredibles. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. These are perfect, in that they set up the basic premise of the film, and give the viewer just a taste of what’s to come, but just enough to totally hook them for the release. Hollywood gives the fans absolutely no credit. They think we need to be spoonfed every major plot point or joke in order to put down our hard earned cash to see their movie. The average trailer clocks in at over two minutes long. It is crazy what can be shown in two minutes! To me it is absolutely unacceptable, and it actually defers me away from the theater and the film, rather than towards it. Sadly, I doubt this is a practice that will be changing any time soon.
Of course that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.
The End
Well, that’ll do it for this week. Enjoy your weekend at the theater or at home with some quality DVDs, and we’ll all be back next week to bring you more from the oh-so-magical world of movies.
Until next time.
