Director
Morton Lewis
Cast
Sylvester Stallone………Stud
Henrietta Holm………Kitty
Jodi Van Prang
Frank Micelli
Nicholas Warren
Barbara Strom
DVD Release Date: October 9, 2007
Rating: X
Running Time: 71 Minutes
The Movie
A young man is romping around in the snow. He’s falling to the ground and making quick snow angels before he gets up and hops over a fence to some playground equipment. He climbs up and poses on top of a jungle gym. He leaps from bench to bench and then heads up his apartment where a young scantily clad woman was waiting for him. Together they shower and roll around in the bed. Stud and Kitty get all their animalistic inhibitions out before making plans with friends. And those plans and friends only lead to more sexual fun.
If it sounds like I’m reading straight from a romance novel then you’ll get the gist of Italian Stallion. It is basically a porno film starring a young Sylvester Stallone before he was known as Rocky Balboa. There’s an introduction by a girl in a tight t-shirt before the film ever begins and it talks about how this was Stallone’s first film ever and that it kind of lead to him becoming Rocky. She is obviously reading from cue cards as you can see her eyes moving left to right and hear each card fall to the ground as she finishes it. But she also says anyone offended by full nudity should leave the theatre now. I should have taken her advice.
The narration from inside the mind of Kitty sounds as if she is reading directly from a romance novel with such wonderful lines like “when Stud is rough with me, it makes me so horny.” Another gem is “rubbing against his hard shaft gets me so hot.” Can you feel the screenwriting genius folks? No matter what they try to pass Italian Stallion off as is, don’t believe it. It is a porno and not a good one at that. The action is just incredibly lame and the unshaven fad of the seventies is duly evident. And the worst part of all is seeing the dudity that is Sylvester Stallone’s member. I have never been so uncomfortable in all my life.
The Video
The film is shown in 1.77:1 Anamorphic Widescreen format and it looks just like it would have back in 1970. The colors are bright but that’s only because the colors of the seventies themselves were bright. A lot of flickering and cigarette burns seem to litter the film as no real adjustments were made to make the film look any better then it originally did.
The Audio
The film is heard in Stereo Sound for all I can tell. It’s a seventies porn for God sakes. There’s music, some cheesy dialogue, and oddly placed moans. What more do you want?
Special Features
Trailer
The Inside Pulse
If you’re curious as to what Stallone’s junk looks like or if you really just want some bad porn, then this is the DVD for you. With only a trailer and action that wouldn’t make a thirteen year old just hitting puberty excited, I’d pass on this one. There’s so much better porn to be had, and it’s readily available on the internet or in numerous stores around the world. Find some, watch it, enjoy it, shave it. Just sayin’!
