Welcome to the first hour of tonight’s two-hour action-packed episode of Hell’s Kitchen, to which I will give a two-post treatment. Last week, our show was pre-empted by two hours of some big guy picking another big girl to be his wife. It’s kind of like the unspoken last call at the frat party, but with a diamond ring and presumably less crying. Anyway, on to business!
Previously: There were crepes, a French-themed dinner menu, and Suzanne sucked, Sabrina sucked, and Boston Andy sucked. Suzanne went to the Blue team. Scheming Kevin thinks he’ll be the last man standing.
1) Shouty Tennille sings that it’s a new day, now that Suzanne is gone. I don’t care. She’s not yelling, and that’s good enough for me. The men start off telling Suzanne that they don’t like her, they play as a team, and they don’t throw anyone under the bus. Suzanne just wants them to give her a chance. Little late for that. The next day the chefs find Sous Chef Scott in the dining room. Chef Ramsay is on a big screen broadcasting from Whistler, British Columbia. He claims he flew there last night (or well before the show started taping, either one really). He’s standing in the restaurant where the winner will work. He’s also flown in to Hell’s Kitchen locally-sourced ingredients. Well that means it’s time for the…
2) Reward challenge: Ramsay will be “back” in Hell’s Kitchen with mystery judges in 2.5 hours. The teams have to make three dishes. Ingredients can’t be used in more than one dish; all fifteen of them MUST be used. Sabrina is asking Ariel for some direction, but is getting ignored—she thinks this is because she was on the chopping block the night before. Ariel is going so far as to ask Shouty Tennille for her input over Sabrina’s head while standing next to her. It’s the same story on the Blue team; Suzanne is being ignored. In the red kitchen, Ariel and Shouty Tennille are talking about what to do with “the lamb”—take it off the bone, leave it on, etc. Sabrina interviews that there is no lamb on this table; lamb is not purple. The camera pans to the frenched bones of what I’m guessing is a rack of venison. We do a short montage of the other two calling it lamb and Sabrina doesn’t say a word, not that they would listen to her.
3) Chef Ramsay returns with our two special guests: Sasha Cohen, Olympic figure skater and Johnny Moseley, Olympic skier. Not, as my wife and I saw when we looked at the DVR info for tonight’s episode, Sacha Baron Cohen and Johnny Knoxville. Sigh. It was a long weekend. Anyway, time to eat! Chef Ramsay lets his guests pick which dish is better for this challenge.
First Entree:
Blue: Caramelized salmon with leg of lamb.
Red: Grilled salmon, leeks, grilled fish.
The Red team’s sauce is too rich. The Blue team’s lamb is good, and the salmon skin is good. Sasha: Blue; Johnny: Blue
Second Entree:
Red: Shouty Tennille starts to talk about the lamb they’ve prepared and gets cut off by Chef Ramsay and he’s a mixture of incredulous and embarrassed as he asks her if she even knows what it is. She stutters her way through saying she thought it was lamb, then guesses venison. The red team lies that they knew it was venison but they’ve been working with lamb so much it was kind of second nature to say that.
Blue: Rack of venison w/ raspberry sauce.
The Blue team’s sauce is kind of scary. The Red team’s is good. Sasha: Red; Johnny: Red. Tied. SHOCKING!!!
Third Entree:
Red: Lamb with mushroom.
Blue: Grilled shrimp, braised—and Tactful Van blanks on what the garnish is now. Oh, kale, right.
The Blue team’s got sweet shrimp. Johnny: Blue; Sasha: Blue. Blue wins!
4) The Red team’s punishment is working at a local farm cleaning the pig pen. Chef Ramsay shushes the laughing men. The Blue team is going to Mark Peel’s place in LA, Campanile. Mark Peel makes grilled cheese, talking about how the fanciest food can also be the simplest. Seems like of a cop-out, but maybe the budget for winning team outings is getting thin. At the farm, the women load hay on a truck, feed sheep, and a bunch of other things Shouty Tennille is yelling about. Ariel is scared of the pigs because a pig attacked her at the county fair when she was a kid. All three of them are gagging and choking back vomit as they clean.
5) Dinner pre-challenge: Tonight there is NO menu! Each team is tasked with coming up with their own ideas for menu items, and they need to make three appetizers, three entrees, and three desserts. The teams start to flesh out a menu, and Shouty Tennille suggests something “decomposed,” when I think she means “deconstructed.” I hope. The Blue team seems to be working together and sharing ideas, even with Suzanne. Ariel and Sabrina both interview that Shouty Tennille is an idiot, but neither of them are really firing away suggestions. The red team seems dissatisfied with their menu. Downstairs, the teams describe their menus to Chef Ramsay. The Blue team’s menu seems good. The Red team’s doesn’t seem great, and Chef Ramsay lets it go, but not before saying it’s not really food he’d order.
6) Dinner challenge: the Blue team thinks they have it to win it. I’m calling this at thirty minutes in to say they don’t. So far tickets are only coming in to the Blue kitchen. This is not boding well. Although so far this season the Blue team has stepped up in places where previous Blue teams have faltered, so maybe I’m wrong. Shouty Tennille hasn’t made Swiss Chard before, and screws it up. She thinks that she only needs to hear how to make something once and she can do it. Errr, maybe not.
7) Tactful Van’s putting up more scallops than he needs, and blanks on what “two by three” means. He blanks again when Chef Ramsay yell-clarifies and asks him what two times three is. He also gets yelled at for not wiping the sauce dish when it’s brought to the pass, and loses some momentum. On the red side, cold food is going out, and coming right back. Ariel is up to three dishes that are cold in the center. Chef Ramsay goes off that that’s too many times for one mistake.
8) Stoner Dave hands off a saucepan, and screams as he turns back to his station. He interviews that he felt a giant pain surge through his hand, up his arm, and into his head. Off to the medic he goes. After a brief assessment, working through possible long-term damage, he comes back to get more food out on the Blue side. On the red side, Shouty Tennille is sweeping the floor? What? Chef Ramsay finds Tactful Van’s halibut to be raw multiple times, and that’s all for that. Chef Ramsay smashes it with his hand, and it explodes onto everyone. On the red side, MORE halibut is brought up undercooked. Chef Ramsay calls up Tactful Van and Sabrina and calls for the kitchens to be switched off. No one won this one. Both teams need to come up with one name each.
9) Scheming Kevin starts off saying it should be Tactful Van, for screwing up all the fish. Tactful Van calls for Suzanne, but she’s not happy about going down for being new. Oh, and not really screwing anything up. The guys talk about putting Suzanne up. How do they NOT know by now that if they don’t put up the weakest person for that particular service that Chef Ramsay will call that person out anyway? The Red team is deadlocked between Sabrina and Shouty Tennille, with Ariel as the tiebreaker.
10) Elimination time.
Red: Sabrina. Why: She claims that she’s up because of previous services, and not tonight’s.
Blue: Tactful Van. Why: Just for tonight’s performance. Stoner Dave calls Suzanne the weakest on the team.
Both nominees are up for raw halibut. Tactful Van starts yammering about how he’s here til the end, he’ll fight for his spot, and at one point says that it’s a fish he’s not used to working with (contradicting what he said in an earlier interview, in which he claimed to work with halibut all the time as a fish cook). In the end, it’s Sabrina that needs to go. Chef Ramsay acknowledges her heart, but says she doesn’t have what it takes to be a leader. Fair, and correct.
Next time: Black jackets!
