The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 10.10.11
– Happy Thanksgiving!
– Live from Oklahoma City, OK.
– Your hosts are three empty seats. That’s a huge improvement over Booker T and Michael Cole already.
– COOHHH, the Omega Man, wanders around a deserted backstage area, then makes his entrance with full music and lighting cues despite all the music and lighting guys walking out last week. Unless he just kept his personal ones on as scabs. So even with everyone in the entire promotion gone, we still get a 20-minute HHH interview to start. HHH says the protesters walked out on the fans, not him, and he buries them all for not being tough enough to compete any longer. But, he notes, they’ll all come back if he quits. But he’s not a quitter, and tells all the guys in the parking lot to kiss his ass, PG style. He’ll even wrestle a broomstick for two hours (and the broomstick will give him a better match than most of the guys in the parking lot…ouch). But of course, John Cena is still around, and still getting booed despite having no competition. So Cena talks about the various factions trying to win him over to their side, and gives a mildly humorous recap of the various bosses he’s had over the years (“I even survived the Mike Adamle era, and you know that was an unsafe work environment!â€). But he’s loyal to his fans, so he’s staying on RAW. Well goodie for us. Next out is Sheamus, who points out that he took out HHH with a lead pipe, but HHH didn’t file any legal action, he came back and kicked Sheamus’ ass. So that earns respect, and Sheamus is on Team HHH as a result. Next out, CM Punk. Didn’t HHH see any of these guys backstage? Were they all hiding in the broom closet? Punk takes credit for all the chaos and points out that he dealt with his problems personally, not by having a hippie party in the parking lot. So HHH makes due with what he’s got, booking Cena v. Sheamus with HHH as referee and CM Punk on commentary wearing a blazer. And acting as timekeeper.
John Cena v. Sheamus
They trade headlocks and we take a break. Back with Punk making Bizarro World remarks, but Vince McMahon returns before this goes anywhere else. Vince kicks everyone out of the ring, and the crowd chants “You got fired†at him. What a weird way to bring him back. So Vince met with the mysterious board of directors, who sympathize with the protesting wrestlers, and Vince notes that no one really knows where this is all going. I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments. So Vince fires HHH (although he’s still COO, apparently) and names Johnny Ace the interim GM of RAW. Oh, great, another heel GM character. So just like that, something new and very different becomes something old and very familiar and stale again.
We take a break and return with all the guys returning, and so does Jim Ross. So we start all over again.
– Live from Oklahoma City, OK.
– Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole.
John Morrison v. Christian
Both guys are in street clothes after the protest, and Christian now has Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler as his entourage. That’s a pretty good group. JoMo pounds away on the mat, but Christian bails to the apron and goes up. Morrison backdrops him off the top, but goes after Ziggler and walks into a spear at 1:05. ¼* Just quit, John. The Four Whoresmen beat the hell out of him afterwards to really make him regret dating Melina. Take that, young love! And by the way, isn’t this exactly the sort of thing that people were PROTESTING? Giant beatdowns by the heels?
Did You Know that Smackdown will become the 2nd longest episodic weekly television program next week, which is pretty impressive considering that WWE invented that designation and it can really only apply to two shows. Never mind that the Simpsons has been on for 23 years now and World Championship Wrestling ran for more than 30 years.
And now, a lengthy, LENGTHY recap of the Big Show-Mark Henry confrontation from Smackdown, with Show beating the crap out of Henry. Henry should really not be showing ass at this point. They need to keep building him up and make people think he has no weakness.
Mark Henry v. Randy Orton
We take a break and join things with Henry missing a blind charge, allowing Orton to stomp him down. They slug it out in the corner and Henry gets a powerslam for two. He misses a buttdrop and Orton comes back with a clothesline to put him on the apron. Draping DDT and he does the interpretive dance, but stops to go after Cody Rhodes. He still gets the RKO, and Rhodes runs in for the DQ at 3:21. Orton beats him up too, but Henry gets the World’s Strongest Slam to get his revenge. Why all the sudden is Henry taking RKOs and chairshots? They need to build up to Orton figuring Henry out and hitting the RKO, not waste it on a meaningless TV match. *1/2 Cody gives Orton a Crossroads, which would seem to set up an IC title match for the PPV. And it’s ANOTHER beatdown angle!
Kelly Kelly & Eve Torres v. Rosa Mendes & Tamina
You know you’re low on the totem pole when you’re jobbers in the Divas division. Kelly beats on Rosa in the corner, but Tamina comes in and uses the clubbing diva forearms to take over. Over to Eve, who hits a somersault legdrop that shows a foot of space, for two. Eve goes up with a moonsault that’s even more embarrassing to finish at 2:00. They seemingly get worse by the week. DUD
Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim RAW GM Johnny Ace comes out and announces with no fanfare that it’s ADR v. John Cena at Vengeance for the title. Oh man, I’m gonna order that show right now! And because we’re in Oklahoma, Ace brings JR into the ring and fires him. Sure, why not.
Mason Ryan, Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne v. Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger & David Bowtunga
Air Boom double-teams Ziggler in the corner to start, and Zig bails. Ryan presses him back into the ring, so Kingston clotheslines him out again and Bourne follows with a bodypress to the floor. Everyone jaws and we take a break. Back with the babyfaces working Swagger over in the corner. Ryan awkwardly carries Swagger around the ring and can’t really figure out how to hang him in the corner, so that goes nowhere. Back to Kofi, who goes up and gets crotched as a result, but comes back with a backslide for two. Ziggler dropkicks him for two. Hot tag Mason Ryan, and he uses the usual generic power moves and gets a big boot for two. It’s BONZO GONZO and Ryan hits his swinging slam on Ziggler for the pin at 5:36. Evan Bourne looks to be seriously hurt after taking a powerbomb from Swagger. So they do a strong heel beatdown for Vickie’s team at the beginning of the show, then beat them later on. That’s great. Solid enough tag match when Ryan wasn’t in there. Seriously, this guy is AWFUL and if they book him against Ziggler at the PPV it’s gonna be a disaster . He has zero timing out there and moves like a bull in the proverbial china shop. **1/4
Brodus Clay is still on the way.
Alberto Del Rio v. CM Punk
Cole describes this as a “long rivalry being renewedâ€. They just wrestled in the main event of the last PPV, TWO WEEKS AGO! Their storied rivalry started at Summerslam, a month and a half ago! There’s short memory and then there’s this. Punk stomps him down in the corner, and ADR bails. Back in, Del Rio with a low dropkick for two and he goes to the chinlock, but Punk reverses out to a headscissors on the mat. Punk misses a charge and hurts his knee, and now Johnny Ace comes out and stops the match at 4:38. So instead of this, we get Punk & ADR v. Miz & Truth, as they’ve been reinstated by Ace. They’re burning through a million angles in this one show and the crowd isn’t even popping for any of it. And we take a break after the entrance of Truth & Miz. Why would he make the singles match and then stop it and replace it with a tag match?
CM Punk & Alberto Del Rio v. The Miz & R-Truth
Del Rio cleans house on the heels, but Truth jumps him and beats him down. Over to Miz, but ADR dropkicks him and Punk comes in and stomps Miz down. Legsweep gets two. Back to Truth, but Punk slugs him down and brings in Del Rio for a missile dropkick that gets two. The heels go after his leg, so Del Rio calls it a night and leaves. Miz hits Punk with a DDT for two and Truth goes to the chinlock. Double elbow gets two. Miz stops to gloat, allowing Punk to make his own comeback with a bulldog on Miz. Macho Elbow sets up the GTS, but Truth breaks it up for the DQ. Really? That’s the finish? Double-teaming someone in a tag match? Heel beatdown is on, but HHH makes the save and the babyfaces kick the hell out of the big scary invaders. Now why didn’t they just do that in the first place and save everyone the walkout? Backstage, Johnny Ace makes a match with HHH & Punk v. Miz & Truth at the PPV, although he has to go to the board of directors because HHH is still technically his boss. I think. Who knows at this point. I think the laptop fits into the hierarchy somewhere too. Maybe it got promoted to the board of directors.
IMPACT WRESTLING IS BETTER THAN RAW AT THIS POINT. Think about that and get your shit together, Vince McMahon. This was terrible and made even less sense than the walkout in the first place. When I can come up with 3 or 4 things on Impact that they’re actually doing right and every single segment on RAW leaves me befuddled, there is a major problem.
