We get a recap of the Josh and JB issues, and oh yeah, there’s a card rundown too. Josh comes down and calls JB limp-dick before reading off a prepared statement written in giant black marker. JB is forced to leave and Josh says he’ll tweet it from the Impact account. JB is gone for a month, giving us more Josh. Ugh. Now it’s time for some of that wrestling stuff as Trevor Lee comes down with Helms to face “Reborn” Matt Sydal. So there’s no hype or anything. He’s just here. Sydal gets a nice cradle for 2 and then hits a giant jumping kick. Helms jumps Sydal and Lee hits a kneeling pounce for 2. Josh hypes up the PPV by saying he’ll pay for JB’s bill and then calls JB a clown.
A sunset split gets 2 for Sydal. Josh spends some time talking about he got in trouble in WWE for calling Sydal’s SSP pretty and beautiful because you don’t use those words in wrestling, but it is pretty. So now he’s against WWE again, after months of using WWE Words to describe everything. A high kick hits and leads to a standing SSP. GS Helms jumps in and that opens the door for Sydal to hit a big knee and win with the SSP. So this was basically just the Helms and Lee show and oh yeah, Matt Sydal was here too.
Karen chats with Sienna about the GFW Women’s Champion and Karen tells her to watch because she’ll face her next week. EC3 comes out and cuts a promo and says he’s the best guy everywhere. He insults Storm for a bit before Storm comes down. He says he’s still in the company, and he’s been out of the World Title picture for a while because he wanted to be so guys could make their name. Or so he could go to WWE. Storm says he’s not mad at EC3 because he can just kick his ass anytime he wants. EC3 and Storm brawl and EC3 wins it with the One Percenter before mocking Storm.
KM is a jerk to a guy in a restaurant. Well, I guess that’s a character. We get a Christina Von Eerie video showing off some GFW Amped footage – so at least they’re getting some use out of it. We see her beat Amber Gallows to win that title and she wants to unify the GFW and Impact titles. She says she’ll beat Sienna, Rosemary, or Gail and wants to beat some HOF ass. Ava Storie comes down to face CVE, who is from Reno and Josh talks about how everyone from GFW is from Reno. She does the OI bit as well. Josh mocks JB for missing an Impact show. Josh talks more about his storyline and Josh buries Pope for beginning to call action. CVE hits a straightjacket backstabber to win.
Swoggle plays with Spud’s hair. Low-Ki talks about being a pioneer of the X Division. We get clips of ODB vs. Rosemary because we haven’t been punished enough with Josh’s angle tonight. She cuts a promo after the match and wants liquor. We see the fall of the Wolves with Angelina skipping around creepily. Magnus has the GFW Title and says he won the 8-man tag and SAVED THE COMPANY, before Alberto bickers. Karen says that she’s tired of bickering and this title isn’t a golden ticket – IT’S A WORLD TITLE. Karen tells Magnus to shut up, dresses him down, and tells him to defend the title against Alberto.
An NFL-style video with NFL music plays hyping up Moose, who is shown in Japan. Davey and Angelina come down before Moose comes down with some football buddies that Josh hypes up as possibly coming to Impact. Davey dominates round one and locks on a figure 4 and Davey wins round 1. Moose rebounds in round 2 with a pop-up powerbomb, a senton, and a moonsault for 2. Why isn’t that a finish? It’s far better than his convoluted Rainmaker in every way. Moose barely wins round 2. Eddie jumps Davey, so it’s a DQ or no-contest or whatever. The football guys beat up Davey.
We get a recap of last week’s LAX match, which like the ODB match feels like a way for them to fill time. Swoggle takes Spud’s papers. Spud strips Swoggle of his pants. This is something that someone wrote, other people approved, and that companies around the world are paying Impact to broadcast on their airwaves. Josh gets a “Josh, you suck” chant. Matt Sigmon comes down and he looks like a generic CAW, while Josh just says he’s Matt Sigmon and he’s ready to compete. So he’s doomed. Kongo Kong comes down and the highlight of this whole act is LVN. Kongo wins with a giant splash off the top. He is an indy-riffic “monster”. A fan holds up a “Hot Mess Van Ness” sign, which seems like it has to be planted, but TNA is pretty good at making the signs like the Josh one seem somewhat organic while also fitting them in the frame perfectly.
Fallah and Mario come down and Josh buries them as the Monster Factory Tag Champions or something – that’s a JB thing. Ugh. Mayweather and Wilcox come down as the VOW and of course beat the foreigners with an inverted Magic Killer. This team feels like it has something – more Mayweather than Wilcox. He’s got something and feels like a far bigger deal than he did before when he was getting a mega-push. Swoggle beats up Spud with a ball pean hammer. This has been like a month of bad angles between the two of them done within a single show and with no buildup.
Backstage, Eli Drake talks about things that don’t make sense in TNA – including him not being on the show while newbies get a shot. Decay comes down to face LAX, and we get plunder like barb wire boards all over the place. Homicide gets physical and attacks Abyss. Abyss gets speared through a board and Diamante German suplexes Rosemary. LAX hits the double team poetry in motion cannonball through two boards. They set up a wacky convoluted spot where they hit a powerbomb blockbuster to Steve through a table covered in tacks – covering them with tacks too. They win it and that’s it. Not really much to this show anymore, sadly.
Tags: impact, lax, Matt Sydal