Contradicting Popular Opinion
A.K.A.
An Enquiry Concerning the Zombedy
Pre-intro Rambling
I saw the first 45 minutes of The Constant Gardener. It was structured somewhat recklessly, and shot like a homemade porn. If some one wants a column of that thing, they must provide me with a compelling reason to watch the other 90 minutes or so.
As for this column, please forgive any typos. I am too in my head and too short of time to properly proofread.
Intro
Valentine’s day is nigh, this Tuesday to be precise. Such a thing strikes fear in the hearts of men, and depression in the hearts of women. The coupled must walk a tightrope doing calculus, calculating dollars spent, intimacy of gift, seriousness of relationship, and whether or not it is analogous to that which he or she is given by his/her significant other.
In celebration of such a thing, I am going to talk about Zombies.
The Zombedy
Zombies are scary things. Movie zombies tend to be predatory, things that stalk and hunt us. In that sense, we fear them as we would fear a shark or a tiger or a particularly vicious penguin. It is more complicated than just that though. The victims of zombies often become zombies themselves. In that way, zombies confront a fear of conformity, of losing oneself to the will of the crowd. While that might be appealing to some (pinkos the lot of them), we here REAL AMERICANS are romantic individualists. Such a thing would strike terror in our hearts, provided we weren’t so f*cking cool and macho.
I lost track there for a second. Lemme see if I can pick things back up.
Zombies confront us with our own mortality two-fold. First, they are trying to kill us. Second, they are dead themselves. They are walking reminders that we are going to die, that all thins die.
Maybe, it doesn’t even have to be death, though. Maybe zombies also represent fear of change, of degeneration, of degradation. Perhaps it is a fear of what we may become, i.e. crippled, homeless, old, insane, useless, hopelessly addicted to drugs, alcohol and brains.
Handled well, being confronted with such things is unnerving, upsetting, and terrifying. When we as humans feel such things a common reaction is to laugh.
And thus, it isn’t too much of a stretch that we have the surprisingly popular genre of the Zombedy. Some films will pop into geek heads immediately. Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness, and Edgar Wright’s endearing ROMANTIC ZOMBEDY Shaun of the Dead. Actually, if you pair Shaun with the under-appreciated cult comedy My Boyfriend’s back, you might have a decent Valentine’s day double feature.
I’m just saying.
Some will conclude that Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl fits into the category as well. Maybe An American Werewolf in London, too. Debatable as to whether they can truly be considered “zombie movies.”
There are zombie movies that are debatable as comedies as well. The weird ass Japanese zombies with guns movie Versus is the first one that springs to my mind here. Creepshow, I’d categorize here as well.
The hardcore geeks among us should be able to point to entire movie series of the genre. The disgusting and wonderful Re-Animator which is followed by Bride of Re-Animator (1990) and Beyond Re-Animator (2003) . We also have the Return of the Living Dead series, which I believe is up to 5 movies now (at least one of which does not suck.). Oh, and I can’t forget about C.H.U.D.. It’s sequel features Bud the CHUD, and a bunch of celebrity cameos.
Every time that I think I’ve run out of examples, more pop in my head. Seth Green’s greatest film Idle hands (which might actually be the perfect segue from Shaun of the Dead to My Boyfriend’s Back), Night of the Comet , the Lucard approved Dead and Breakfast, and Death Becomes Her. The less we say about Death Becomes Her the better.
There are some obscure movies that I only know the titles to, but that must fit in here as well. I was a Zombie for the F.B.I., Dead Dudes in the House, Redneck Zombies, and some no-budget horror flick my buddy bought me producer credits to Pot Zombies.
And hey there is even rock ‘n’ roll Zombedies! Although I would not recommend watching Hard Rock Zombies without some protective eyewear and the help of many others, and it will be at least another year before Diamond Dead.
At any rate, I say that the new tradition should be Zombie Comedy movie marathons for Valentine’s Day. Just as Thanksgiving requires Phantoms, so too does St. Valentine require BRAINS!
Outro
Lucard is back. And he’s doing games again. Sort of. Retro-Nyogtha-ing.
Guess what else is back from the dead? The Marvel Handbook.
Playing the Lame is off today. Instead, everybody should sing the Playing the Lame theme. Or better yet, get Mark to sing it for you.
I considered putting part of a ML Kennedy penned Zombedy here, but f*ck it. Maybe later.
Letters
Let’s share two.
Jon Seibel e-mails:
Hey, as a confirmed Bardophile, I really enjoyed your column. To the list of Shakespeare-inspired films I would also add Gus Van Sant’s My Own Private Idaho, which draws heavily on King Henry IV Part 1.
Thanks to Jon, I had a B52s song in my head for about three days.
Weird SWM emails:
awww, i was hoping you would say Shakespeare is over-rated.
Fine, Shakespeare is over-rated. Happy?
One last thing before I go, and that is this: I want a tagline. Something catchy like,
Contradicting Popular Opinion: Where gay cowboys go to eat pudding.
or
Contradicting Popular Opinion: Where gore is always better than bore.
or
Contradicitng Popular Opinion: Upsetting people for no good reason
-Kennedy.
